Friday, April 20, 2018

Pez Outlaw, Buy Me A Boat #pezoutlaw

Please Watch My Emmy Winning Movie, The Pez Outlaw on Amazon Prime & Peacock. 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. Best actor at SXSW.

It's My Story.


I don't know about you Virgil but I think I like the commercials a lot of times better than the TV shows there in.
My current favorite is that guy stealin a car on the doorbell camera, What, What, What.
Limu Imu is also a favorite.
Commercials excel at stupid n idiotic n since that's where I live, of course I love Them.  

 The standouts though are the cut up a boat commercials, like if you cut up a boat it proves something.
I must though admit to a great deal of disappointment with the new cut up boats crowd, they've switched to making the boat outa glass. BORING!
Dudes, go big or go home, as in cut up as big of a boat as you possibly can n tape or glue it back together. 
RIGHT! Now we're having fun again.

 Buy Me A Boat.
So I can cut it up? 

Well there at it again.
They just keep cutting up perfectly good boats.
Just this morning I heard a new one for Flex Tape.
You guessed it, they cut a boat in half n taped it together with Flex Tape.
Then they put the boat on the water to show how good there Flex Tape is.

If I hadn't written this 3 months ago, I'd have written it again today.
So I re-posted it.

It struck me last night that there seems to be an odd fetish with boats n $19.95 TV products.

 Who was it that decided the most effective way to prove something involved a boat.
Is it like, well we will use a boat to establish hands down no rebuttal that our product is the best. Most recently the guy is making the boat out of glass using his super sealent, but still a boat.

 Is it a fear of water thing? Use a boat, show them that we got there backs.

 You've got the infamous TV commercial where they cut the bottom out of a boat n  put a screen door in it. OK that's crazy, I like it. Then you spray the screen door with the product n show a guy on a lake, Safe as Houses. Ok a truth in my rant. I was surprised to hear that this same spray "rubber" was being used to protect houses in flooding areas. Kinda cool.

 Under the category of. Well it worked for them.
Now you have the glue that can bond "anything". That only hardens after you shine a UV light or something on it. Well you guessed it, out comes a boat, but this time they cut the boat in half.
Use the glue to put it back together n there's that guy on the lake again.
I feel safer already.

It truly is amazing what you can buy on TV for $19.95. But wait, call now n we will double your order. You get Two.
Crazy thing is, I want both of them.

I have to admit that I really like these TV Commercials, maybe more than is healthy.

Money may not buy happiness but it will buy me a boat. Then, good little redneck that I am, I'm gonna cut it in half and put a screen door in the bottom of it. Cause I sure do love those commercials.


If they make a movie out of the Pez Outlaw story.
First three things I'm buying with my millions. (inside Joke. I'd probably clear $35,000)
1. A case of that spray stuff, Lying 2 cases.
2. A bunch of that UV light magic glue.
3. 5 years worth of survival food.
OK there's a 4 n 5.
4. A generac propane generator.
5. Wind n solar methods of producing electricity.

 That's after I pay all debts.
You see my hit in 1998/Pez was like the rest of the US's hit in 2008.
I just got hit a decade ahead of you all.
It changed me like 2008 changed you.
My goal is to be self sufficient.


New Redneck Survival Kit.
Meals Ready To Eat, Duct Tape, Zip Ties, Rubbery Spray and UV Light Glue. 

 OK, Times Up.
Gotta go do chores n then get up on the little barn (30x40ft) roof n paint the tin.
Surprised me yesterday to realize that this gray roof had originally been white.
SO, You guessed it, I'm painting it white again with a Flex rubber paint.
Ain't a boat but Bubba, I'm living the dream with a new rubber roof.

Well there back!
This time they've outdone themselves.
They made a boat outa Chicken wire n rubber paste.
It seems kinda Picayune to tell them that wire that the guy yanked off the chicken coops was actually rabbit wire. Everybody's a critique.

 ps. thank you to Laurie Svendsen for the Christmas present of a 5 gallon bucket of white rubber paint. it's gonna do the 1st coat / primer on the barn roof. we'll do the second coat next year.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence



Pez Outlaw Diary

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Thursday, April 19, 2018

Pez Outlaw, The Booby Hatch #pezoutlaw

Please Watch My Emmy Winning Movie, The Pez Outlaw on Amazon Prime & Peacock. 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. Best actor at SXSW.

It's My Story.


Reality is so depressing, without fail though Crazy always rushes in to save me.
I live my Life as a Cartoon.
I even have cartoon hands now.



I play with crazy daily, because it amuses me.
Metaphorically I wait in my padded room wearing this years most fashionable straight jacket.




I wait for word on the next chapter of my life.

 I wait for the words that announce the beginning, that in turn creates the interest in the thing that leads to what an average nobody could never dream of as there reality.

 Again I'm asked, Are you ready for what's coming. Pardon my French but hell yes I'm ready. I've been waiting ten years, of course I'm ready. Can we please finally just do this thing.

 Life is absurd.
I've traveled the world.
I've literally earned over 4.5 million in a decade.
Then returned to poverty.

 I've Spent the last decade hatching my revenge on the absurdity of Life.

 I've been famous in my own little world. I know the mistakes I made. I'm ready for my closeup CB.

 Until that day I wait in my mental cell here in the Asylum passing notes under the door with no idea if there's just a pile of notes on the other side or if they are being picked up n read.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence



Pez Outlaw Diary

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Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Pez Outlaw, Hermitology #pezoutlaw

Please Watch My Emmy Winning Movie, The Pez Outlaw on Amazon Prime & Peacock. 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. Best actor at SXSW.

It's My Story.





If left to my own devises, I would make Howard Hughes look like an extrovert.
Would someone please explain to me why I'm supposed to be nice to people I don't want around me. 
I just don't get why saying, Who are you n why are you here is wrong.
Seems logical to me to then say, you need to leave.
People are always saying they prefer honesty, but you know, they really don't. 

Recently a salesman asked me why he was here.
I told him, that's what I'd like to know.
By the way, that went over really well. 
I spend a lot of time in the Dog House.
So as you might guess I'm not allowed to talk to people sometimes.

For over 2 decades now, I have rarely left the farm. 
My Amish friend Henry travels way more than I do.
I have horses but unlike Henry I do not go anywhere on them.
I'm not agoraphobic because I do go outside, just not off my property. 

 Oh yeah n I do not talk on telephones.
No idea what a shrink labels that one.
Last but not least, I do not like having my picture taken.
Which is why my online image is inverted/a negative.
I lied, I also don't like to shake hands.

 Quite a switch I know. In the 1990s I traveled constantly, All over Canada, Europe, even South Africa and Australia.

 Now I rarely leave the farm, except for a trip to Menard's every few months, but honest to god that's about it.

 When the Playboy article came out I was warned it would change my life, mmmmmmm, never noticed a thing.
I suppose if I used telephones or ventured into the world I might have.

Have you heard how people case your home via facebook to see when you're not home?
Well me n the dogs are always here, ALWAYS!
I have also strategically placed methods of persuasion all over the farm, that is besides the dogs.

 Gotta tell you a story.
While at the gas station buying gas to mow. yes for El Diablo I used a telephone n I left my property. What can I say, you wanna beat the devil it takes extraordinary actions.
While pumping the gas I struck up a conversation with the guy accross from me pumping gas to mow.
The conversation was him. Never sharpened my blades so many times in one summer.
Me. Usually you mow (here in Michigan) every 5 days in the spring n every 10 days in fall. I'm still mowing once a week. He mows 4 acres, me 3.5 hrs per mowing.
Again at TSC to buy water softener salt etc.
I struck up a conversation with a forklift operator, about the pros n cons of planting fruit trees in the fall.

 I like 5 minute conversations with strangers, you can be friendly n openly honest without the repercussions of people you will ever see again. repercussions as in someone wanting to or taking it as you wanting a friend, I do not.

 1,000 Strangers

I'm kind of embarrassed to admit to you that I find it much easier to share m feelings or have friendship with 1,000 strangers than one person.

 I know people that are in desperate need of friendship, they have not chosen to be alone. I feel very bad for them even if I have no understanding of there need.

 I am perfectly content with one friend Kathy and my family dogs n horses.

 Casual relationships beyond that suite me. I also enjoy this vague relationship of the internet.
I enjoy talking to the unknown.

 I Like Facebook it suites me to a T.
I like the detachment of facebook.
I can talk to anyone I want, anywhere in the world yet take my time to formulate my thoughts. I can use words like formulate.
You know how you really prefer watching a movie on TV as apposed to a theater because you can pause it to pee or get something to eat or drink. Same thing.
Also facebook is the purest medium for talking to people with just your mind, if you choose.
I also do not have to do it at a specific time, to the annoying ring of a phone, nor do I have to leave my farm to do it.

On twitter but like my phone I rarely turn it on.
So if you want or need to talk to me, facebook is the only place that is likely to happen.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence



Pez Outlaw Diary

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Tuesday, April 17, 2018

MOE-RON #pezoutlaw

Please Watch My Emmy Winning Movie, The Pez Outlaw on Amazon Prime & Peacock. 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. Best actor at SXSW.

It's My Story.


MOE-RON!
I wish I could make that even bigger.

 I love that country song that says money won't buy me happiness but it will buy me a truck.
OK he says boat first.
I love that song.

 This was a postscript on another post but I decided that I had an opinion on it.

 The wisdom of the masses is supposed to be that "money won't buy you happiness".
I guarantee you though that lack of money will give you no end of unhappiness.

 I honestly believe that rich folk came up with that bit of moron (pronounced MOE-RON) to try to keep the huddled masses pacified.
We are told to seek internal wisdom n peace while rich folk seek what little money we have.

 Can't have poor folk storming the walls of rich folks castles.

 I've been poor, matter of fact twice now. In between I had money.
Let me tell you I was a damn sight happier with money to pay my bills than I am without.

 I think rich folk are trying to reason with the poor on a philosophical level.
Granted the thought is enlightened but if you can't pay your bills, it makes you miserable. Sometimes physically ill.

 I'm also tired of very rich people on both sides of the isle who run for political office pretending that they could possibly have any real idea what being poor actually feels like.

So you know, Shut The F**k Up. Will ya please.
cause, money won't buy me happiness but it will buy me a truck.

 I told you, I can have an opinion.

 Hey maybe I should write greeting cards.
I see a prosperous future.


After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence



Pez Outlaw Diary

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Sunday, March 11, 2018

Pez Outlaw, Popcorn 8 #pezoutlaw

Please Watch My Emmy Winning Movie, The Pez Outlaw on Amazon Prime & Peacock. 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. Best actor at SXSW.

It's My Story.


Disclaimer:
After writing this post I wonder if I wasn't being a bit to strident about everything?
Rest assured that if you buy the rights to Pez Outlaw Diary, I will support any decisions you make about the story or casting.
I get bored n was just trying to have a little fun while I wait.
If you buy Pez Outlaw Diary n choose to script my role, I will learn my lines n not deviate.

JB fanboy?
That said, here's the post.

It would be unkind to mention Box Office or Oscar Show ratings, so I won't.
Instead I offer this suggestion.
If you want to recapture your audience, why not make a movie about the dream every one of them secretly have.
Every person in middle America dreams of having that 1 big idea that wins n gives meaning to there lives. 
Nothing about the Pez Outlaw story is foreign to Middle America, The struggle, The Win, The Loss, The refusal to give up n persevere through hard work.
When I win at the end of the movie, because of the movie, every person in Middle America Wins, because it shows them that the dreams they hold that keep them going are also possible.
I can't state that strongly enough, Movies need to give the audience hope.


I've never believed that I am better than anyone else, But I do believe that on occasion I see the moment more clearly.
I believe to my very core that I'm right about this, I think you do too.

At it's core I believe that a Pez Outlaw Movie is an Abbott n Costello / Laurel n Hardy Movie.
Pez Outlaw being the Lou Costello / Stan Laurel character, busily involve in absurd situations.
Joshua my son would be the Bud Abbot / Oliver Hardy character, the straight man reacting to the crazy.
Sorta a cross between "Catch Me If You Can" n "The Man Who Knew To Little".

I believe that the Irving Thalberge rule used to great success with his Marx Brothers movies should be utilized.
Show the Pez Outlaw character in a sympathetic light in the opening sequence to gain an understanding n future forgiveness of the character.
The thing that makes a TV show or Movie good to me is if I actually like, feel empathy n root for the character.
I reject so much entertainment simply because at a point I realize that I really don't like these people.
No amount of good writing will make up for characters that you don't like.

Which is why I'd make this the opening scene of the movie
an 8 year old child, (1959) Pez Outlaw being dragged to, then pushed into the classroom closet at the Maple Grove Elementary school. Darkness, then the door opens revealing Pez Outlaw 10 years later in solitary confinement county jail Ohio. 
 see C1. Crazy Is Easy If You Are Motivated, #pezoutlaw
Followed by that twin propeller flight from Hell over the Austrian Alps where Pez Outlaws life flashes before him as he's about to die.
This allows the backstory reveal, then the present day decade long Pez Outlaw Adventure can unfold.

from $30,000 a year to 4.5 Million dollars earned in a decade.
Travel to Europe once a month for a decade.
The thief who ran Pez Corporation for a decade.
Then the Catastrophic decision that sealed his fate for the next 20yrs.
The final shot of the movie is a backshot of Pez Outlaw 2018 in the dark watching the move of his life being shot. The victory after 20yrs in the wilderness survived by an isolated belief in his story.

I like Jack Black to play Pez Outlaw because of his ability to deliver absurdity with a deadpan face, never revealing the secret only he knows.
grant gustin who plays Barry Allen/the Flash would be perfect to play Joshua in a Pez Outlaw Movie. 

Well there you go, The Elevator Pitch.

If they ever make the Pez Outlaw Movie or the book is published I think I'll buy a horse or a Bull Mastiff dog n name it Pez Outlaw.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.

new profile pic captures my essence



Pez Outlaw Diary   
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Monday, January 1, 2018

Not Everyone Will Love You #pezoutlaw

 

Please Watch My Emmy Winning Movie, The Pez Outlaw on Amazon Prime & Peacock. 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. Best actor at SXSW.

It's My Story.



No matter how hard you try, you are gonna have people who write mean & hurtful things about you. It is just a fact of Life, especially in the world we live in now.

Quite often it is by people who think if they tare you & all your hard work down it somehow elevates them.
In the case I'm refering to today though I think it is more the Misery loves company thing.

There are people who want you to remain poor so they don't feel like underachievers. If you start pulling yourself outa poverty it angers them.

You may or may not know.
Because of how brutal Life is now if you lift your head above the anonimity of the crowd.
I do not post on pages that I do not run or own.
I do not read anything on pages that I do not run or own.
I work on my story exclusively.
I only become aware of attacks when people mention them to me.
I still do not go & read them.
Why bother, It is always the same old stuff.

I only have room in my heart for love now.
I Love You All & I wish you nothing but happyness.
Please remember
No matter how nice or kind you are, Not everyone will like you.
Accept that fact & move on.






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Monday, December 25, 2017

Pez Outlaw, Talkin Outa Turn #pezoutlaw

Please Watch My Emmy Winning Movie, The Pez Outlaw on Amazon Prime & Peacock. 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. Best actor at SXSW.

It's My Story.


This post has been censored by my editor, Kathryn Ann.
I might add that there has been a larger than normal amount of censorship in my life lately.
I've gotten the hook, fingers across the throat to cut, strong suggestions to remove dialog n erges to tone it down in general.
My wife says NO, then it's no.

I honestly don't know how she even saw this, I didn't know anybody even read this stuff.

December 25, 2017
You know how on a plane they tell ya to put on your mask, then help others.
Snowing n blowing this morning, doors stuck n horses hungry.
Weather don't mean you get the day off, the babies need carin for.
Ate then went out n tended to food n water.

I love ole tenney, just open the stall n point to the gate for outside n he gets it done.
Actually, Gotcha, Roz n Red are the same way.
Most of the horses round here listen because I do for them n listen to them.
I can't tell you the number of time I've opened the back gate wide open to drive the tractor in n all I gotta do is tell Honey n Tenney no n they turn n walk back a ways.

There's a give n take to animals, good relationships mean finding the balance with them.
I will wait years for an animal to find there way.
That patience is rewarded by a much deeper understanding n friendship.

12-27-17

Still single digits n below ZERO out, very challenging.
Told Danny n Geoff last night that I like to spend about 4hrs outside each day with the animals so I have a better idea of what there dealing with.
No shortage of things to do in zero weather, so not a problem.
Takes twice as long to do things in extreme cold.
Horses are doing good though.

12-28-17

Bone ass cold again today.
Can I say that on TV?
Actually it's colder.
Gets much colder n we're gonna have to have a horse slumber party in the arena.
Tractor froze up 2days ago.
Horses are doing fine.

The title of this post very easily could've been, "They keep sneaking in on us".

A couple of the gals from Cindy's horse boarding facility down the road stopped by yesterday.
Told one of the gals a new horse was coming today.
She was commenting on how many boarders we have, which prompted me to say "Yeah they keep sneaking in on us".

There are 18 to 20 horses here at the moment, 1/2 are boarders n 1/2 are rescues of one type or another.
That's a bit fast but generally the situation.

We allow a very small number of folks to board here out of friendship.
We are not a boarding facility n do not want to be one.
Problem is, New Boarders keep sneaking in on us.

CENSORED!
My n I hope our dream is to transform the farm into a horse rescue facility.
If by some miracle they make the Movie n Jeff n I write the book, that's the end game.
Get ourselves into a financial situation that we can just take care of horses that need a home.
CENSORED!
There are just to many horses out there that need a good home or a place to live out there retirement.

The Old Man had been at several farms in his life, when he got to us he just needed his Gold Watch.

Johnny Cash - people thought they wanted him but as he was leaving (he stopped here as a transition point) he looked at me n I could very clearly hear him saying "I want to stay here"
A week later Johnny came back n that was the end of it.

Red - people paid good money for him, then he hurt himself n had a pretty bad eye injury.
Red came here to rest n be treated, we have a very good friend who helps, Dr. Katie Collier.
Red got back to 100%, then Kathy asked me if red had asked to stay yet, well that's pretty much all he'd been talking about so yeah he asked.
Why, Red's people don't want him back n asked if we'd take him.
Well Red's here now n that's the end of that.

Cowboy/Smokey/Boy n Dunkin/Dub are 2 more. 
I mean talk about great horses, Boy n Dub are Rockey Mountain Horses.
It kinda don't get better than Rockies.
Old story, Lady had 15 horses n ran completely outa money.
She did the honorable thing n just immediately gave away $2,000+ horses as fast as she could.
Unfortunately Dub n Boy had been on the short end of 15 horses n not much food.
Lots of food n years later n both Boy n Dub are magnificent.
Smokey Boy is our resident Rastafarian, He loves his dreads, rolls in mud to get them.

Tricksie - she's our little miracle worker.
We got a Boarder horse that can't make friends.
She asked Tricksie if she'd be her friend n of course tiny little tricksie she is, she said sure.
Now if you wanna bring in the big show horse, you just get Tricksie n she follows.
Ponies like Tricksie lose there homes real quick because kids outgrow them real fast.

Then you've got your old soldiers like Tenney.
Ten was a husband horse.
Husband Horses are safe horses to keep hubby happy so mamma can go riding.
Husbands move on in one fashion or another, meaning husband horses need a new home.

 Honey B. - the family just moved on n horses were no longer in the plan.
Honey is just amazing, put any misfit you want in with her n she'll straighten it out within days.
Honey can be a shrew with the Wild Bunch but you bring her out n saddle her up n she then becomes the absolute best kids horse you could get.
Pen life vs arena life, two very different things.

 I went through all that n that's not everybody, to illustrate the need for a home for unwanted really good horses.
I used to rebel at the thought of how many horses we had that weren't paying.
Something has happened over the last month or so though, I've made peace with reality.


My friends are these Horses n Dogs, I like them n I like talking to them.
Of course to answer your question, the horses n dogs talk to me.
I'll illustrate.

Yesterday Bo had been giving me a hard time for about n hour.
Kathy n the new gal were standin there n I said look at him starin at me.
Plain as day Bo was saying, Dude quit jackin your jaw n get on with it.
A minute or two later that potlicker started treating me like I was kinda slow.
Bo'd walk a dozen foot toward his manger then look back at me, walk another dozen foot n look at me again.

Well hell son, I ain't that slow.
So I got on with it.
You wanna hear animals talk, Pay Attention to Them.
That's it no trick, just make an effort n listen
Animals are talking to us all the time problem is that we aren't listening.
You gotta let your shit go n give them a chance to get a word in edgeways.

A lot of times when an animal starts acting out it's exactly because you are refusing to listen to there side of the story or needs.
Before you ride a horse you need to ask them how they're feelin today.
Are they sore, are there feet OK, does that gear suit ya?
Poor choice of bit, horses will tell ya what works best for them.
Saddle Fit, Dang that ones important.
Then your horse acts out n nimrod you are you blame them.

I can't tell you the number of times I've asked the following question.
Somebody will be havin a dickens of a time with there horse.
I ask them, Are you talking to him/her?

When I rode I preferred bareback, never a bit, just a halter n 1 lead rope.
We got along just fine.
Then I realized, I preferred walking in the company of a horse more than riding.
Now I just meander about n talk to them.
Folks always look funny at me.
Like, Who's he talkin to? 

Out East one time, Kathy n friends decided to go riding.
The people at the stable actually took the horse away from me because I wouldn't ride it.
I kept getting off n just walking the horse.
For some reason they got really pissed. 
Fair enough, because to be honest there stupidity really pissed me off.

So like I said These animals are my friends.
I enjoy talking to them n doin for them.
I'll tell ya what also.
You get in a corner with a horse n he'll give ya the benefit of the doubt in a pinch.

Yesterday I had to open a pen n prep it for that new horse that was sneakin in.
When I got ready to leave, there I was 30ft from the open gate on the tractor.
Old Busta came charging at me n that open gate.
Cover your ears I curse sometimes, hey why not they/horse curse at me.
No violence but we do curse.

"God Dam You Busta, You Owe Me".
I put one finger up in the air after cursing him out n he stopped right there.
Not that one. 
Busta said "Just Screwin with ya Dude, I know I Owe ya".

Here's the thing about me saying that a horse owes me.
I do for these horses every day n I ask nothing.
Except if a horse n I get in a corner, I expect they lean a bit in my favor.
I expect that they all see that as a fair exchange for my labor.
Any horse that can't see or get that is gone in 24hrs.

My hope is that they make the movie n we write the book so that we can turn this place into a Horse rescue for all my friends n the friends I've yet to meet.
Let's leave the horse boarding to Cindy n Brad, folks that like that sorta thing.

 Now that don't mean people can't come here n enjoy the Horse arena or the Trails.
N if we get real lucky some surprises, visitin folks would really enjoy. 
"VISIT" means you n your horse go home, no more sneakin in n boarding.

That's the plan anyway, God Willin. 
I love Tellin Animal's stories. 

That new gal that was here yesterday thought she had to hurry up cause Kathy was goin out to supper with folks.
She said I better get goin so you all can get to supper.
Told her I wasn't goin anywhere, that I really don't leave the farm.
New gal looked puzzled, I really didn't go into it.
Just said, everything I want is here, the world holds nothin for me anymore beyond this farm.

That's it for today.
Gotta build a new Haynet feeder for the New Appy Baby.

When you ask to be friended or follow me, make sure it's what you really want, because I'm relentless in pursuit of my goals.
my blogs have received 1,000,000 views

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence



Pez Outlaw Diary








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