One persons wildest dreams met can be another's cruel disappointment.
My life is made up of the best choice of what is possible.
Seems like 2 minutes ago it was 1999 & I started this 20 year journey with Pez Outlaw.
The title of this post kept churning through my head n I just couldn't shake it.
If I had a choice in the matter, I'd prefer to be remembered as a writer.
A nobody Leaving his mark in the sand.
Just over the Horizon
Praying for a cure
Walls closing in
Livin on Dreams
Paying with promises
Times running out
Life defined by a moment
Each day weighted down by the past
Tomorrow a message of hope.
You might not know this, If you're the last old guy standing that can still do things, you it would appear have value.
I don't know what legacy I will leave.
If my life has been instructive at all I hope you will take this from it.
No matter what happens you can overcome it.
You don't have to finish as who you have been defined as, even if that's been most of your life.
Look outside the usual for answers.
Always save a penny to pursue your dreams.
In my life I've been defined as many things; a drug addict, an alcoholic, a dropout, diagnosed crazy, a machinist, Pez Outlaw and a horse farmer.
I've also written a book that might become a movie.
In my life I have always pursued change in myself, to be a better person and to find whatever happiness life will allow me.
The first 40 years of my life I could have been a Machinist who retired from the shop n that would have been that.
Then my Grandmother died n left me some money, I took that money n invested it in a dream or an idea to exploit a loophole in cereal premium redemption.
I built on that into pez which eventually yielded 4.5 million dollars and Pez Outlaw was born.
After all of that failed rather spectacularly I could have stopped n let that define me but I did not, I took 10 years n wrote Pez Outlaw Diary.
Now there is interest in the Pez Outlaw story, where it will go I have no idea for sure but again I don't relax n let it ride.
No, every day I come in here for a minimum of 3 hours n write in an effort to improve my odds.
Never take a passive role in the outcome of your life, you are either the passenger or the driver.
Decide which.
Lately I've had the inescapable feeling that I've stuck my head through the looking glass n find it difficult to return.
The illusion clouds reality.
In short I'm at a crossroads putting faith in my subconscious for true north.
I put my hope in the collective illusion, loosing myself in the methods n beliefs of popular culture.
Unfortunately the veil is lifting exposing the shallowness.
Each day it becomes harder to deny.
There is what I wanted to be true n there's what's actually true.
No more denial, I accept reality.
I hear my Mother's voice saying,
"Was this a good use of your time?"
I thought this would be easier.
If I'd known it would take at least 20yrs?
Well you know the rest.
I'm not sure that I even know how to stop.
Each day ruled by decisions made decades ago.
I don't want money, I just don't want to worry about it anymore.
Last night I got to talking with 2 of the ladies that come to the Horse farm. Friends.
We got on the subject of Pez Outlaw when I was describing the circle drive I was thinking about, because that one thing is part of a much bigger conversation.
It all comes down to if the first Domino falls. Meaning the Pez Outlaw Movie & or book.
I explained that the movie & Book only pay about 1/2 of my debt still on the books from PEZ.
That if that happened you can't get all puffed up like you are a big deal, cause you are not. Momentary success would only last or have impact for about 3 years, meaning it's a small window of opportunity. During that time I'd have mere moments to restructure my life n remove the things that are a cancer on my day to day life.
To me it's a lot like the moment when I realized the opportunity offered by the old stock I found in the European warehouses. I had to move as fast as I could to scoop up all of that Pez that I could. Over 70 trips to Europe in 10 years.
In the end that opportunity became The Pez Outlaw story.
It's like the people who win the Lotto then end up broke. Lost there minds, didn't know how to handle it n lost everything.
Been there, Done that. OK can you do better this time?
People want a happy ending, someone who fails then through perseverance alone fights there way back n finally gets it right.
Here's the part that will surprise you.
If everything goes as planned, I fully intend to spend every penny very rapidly.
I plan to pay my debts, pay the taxes, then upgrade as many things as I can.
Remove the things that oppress us debt & recurring monthly bills, which brings me to the exciting part.
I want top convert our lives to living off the grid.
Step 1.
Remove our energy bill by putting up a bank or 2 of solar panels (25-50)
Solar Batteries for dark days n overnight.
I'm sick n tired of so many monthly threats in the form of bill to our happiness n existence.
Then we can go back to living a very simple n quiet life.
I will do whatever it takes to get us there.
After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
The reasons Pez Outlaw was targeted by Pez Corporation
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