Pez Outlaw, Waiting on Reality #pezoutlaw

Please Watch My Emmy Winning Movie, The Pez Outlaw on Amazon Prime & Peacock. 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. Best actor at SXSW.

It's My Story.

ebay link to Pez Outlaw Collectibles.

https://www.ebay.com/.../Pez-Outlaw-By-sj-glew/_i.html...

Each day a new journey of repetition.

The tedium grinds at your soul.

Yet you must continue.

An unknown inner voice pushes you forward.

The need to succeed.

The dream to walk away.

Pez Outlaw, I came to writing different than most, my goals required that I make the effort. #Netflix

As a byproduct I believe that I will be published in a year or 2.

My writing style tends to be a bit country n Blue Collar.

I embrace my world in an effort to represent all of us with dreams of something better.

When I posted this on facebook a friend told me that my style is "Folksy", I like that.

You make very friendly gestures
To a response of silence
The answer becomes obvious

The unwanted noise becomes to much
Life continues around you never missing a beat
The cry for attention misses it's mark

I understand what does not fit
Agendas on separate paths
Of course I feel mine has more value

The truth must be hidden

********************************

I decided today that the most productive thing that I could do this morning was to sew a large patch on my winter jeans.
I've told you about Hay Knee where moving bales of hay around wears your jeans out above the knee before there time.
I hate waste especially when Hay Knee is the only thing wrong with a pair of jeans.

My mother raised 5 boys and she was determined that every one of us knew how to wash iron and sew our own clothes.
You all know the jeans I'm talking about because it seems that I'm wearing them in most of the pictures I provide when signing Pez items.

Lately all I'm hearing is about addiction to facebook etc, oh yeah n how it's causing depression.
I will admit to thinking lately that it's all a massive waste of time.
My solution is that I'm going to do something productive n patch my jeans this morning.

Isn't that a statement.
20yrs trying to get a book published and a movie made spending 3hrs a day on line to that end and today the thing I've decided has more merit is to patch my jeans.

This picture shows you what I call Hay Knee.
I did tell my grandkids that it's from Kathy tapping my knee, telling me to shut up.

The repair. Bottom done.
I'll be taking the next couple days to complete.

Repair completed.

I noticed last night while watching Pickers that Mike is doing a lot of patching on his jeans now also.

***************************


I feel very privileged to know this group of horses, dogs and Kathy that I share my life with.
Yesterday after graining the horses I went around to collect there bowls.
I swear on a stack of Bibles that The following is true.
When I got to Big Scout horse to collect his bowl up, he picked it up with his mouth n handed it to me.
Damnedest thing you've ever seen, that guy is a real character.

You all know Smokey Boy horse is my favorite.
Well Smokey has been giving Kathy trouble lately trying his tom foolery on her.
So much so that she's had me come get him here n there when she's not comfortable.
I hate hitting, jerking or anything harsh with a horse, I talk to them and I come to them with confident hands.

I don't care how strong or big you are horse you will not win if you try something, I will not yield.
I remind you of the story where Marnie Marie horse dragged me around for 15 minutes.
I refused to give in or let go, I credit an assist to Billy Dog who after 15min circled around in front of her, pounded the ground and told Marnie, "ENOUGH"!

Back to Smokey.
Kathy asked if I'd help because he was pulling her around and trying to get away from her.
I went to him looped my hand like a Bull Rider on the neck rope n told him that I'd be having none of it.
Smokey Boy knew that the jig was up and behaved like a little angel.

Before all you horse people have a cow about me breaking rule #1 of wrapping my hand on the rope like a bull rider.
Rule #1 never wrap your hand on a horse lead and release the rope don't be dragged.
Nuts to that, I'd rather get pulled around for 15min when Billy Dogs got my back than chase a horse down the road for 3hrs.

I approach a horse like a tree stump and I refuse to lose.
I'm bigger, stronger and smarter is how I approach any horse.
We talk and I explain these things to them.
Plus I'm the food guy, not a plan to mess that up.
Insurance policy, Billy Dog.

****************************


I believe in the Absurdity of life. Therefore I believe whatever I imagine is possible.
I work every day for that possible.

I believe in it n I can actually see it.

What I believed impossible for my life when I was a child has already been surpassed.
Now if I can only bring stability to my dreams.

I can see my dreams as if they were already reality.
I've run the scenarios.
Now I wait for reality to catch up.

Is it egotistical to think a lot of what others pass off as crazy is amateurish?
By the way.
My favorite crazy in a movie. Brad Pitt, 12 Monkeys.
Favorite crazy on TV Jenifer on 12 Monkeys.
Favorite Obsessive Compulsive. Tony Shalhoub, Monk.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.

new profile pic captures my essence

Pez Outlaw Diary

 

1st Known Photo of Pez Outlaw #pezoutlaw

Please Watch My Emmy Winning Movie, The Pez Outlaw on Amazon Prime & Peacock. 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. Best actor at SXSW.

It's My Story.

ebay link to Pez Outlaw Collectibles.

https://www.ebay.com/.../Pez-Outlaw-By-sj-glew/_i.html...

.

pez outlaw

Victory a lonesome road.

Dreams to sustain you.

Cheers the journey home.

Cost, a debt to steep.

Desperation picks the path.

Spectator not participant

Time measures in years not hours.

10,000 hours becomes 20 years.

Sands loosen beneath your feet.

How big the quake to shake the dream.

The Crows peck stings a reminder.

Friendships the true reward.

D.B. Cooper would be to easy, I'll take Roswell for $100 please.

1951, The Arrival of Pez Outlaw. 
Yeah, that was me back in 47, oops.

My 1st n earliest memory as a child was being in a fever state.
My whole body felt like it was wrenching.
Almost like a rejection of this existence.

I've tried to go back n make sense of it, but I can't. 
I've always wondered if the first n last moments of life are somehow connected.
Like a bridge in time.
 
To this day the memory is vivid.
I've never told anyone about that, not even Kathy.
Sorta fitting that I told it here in the Asylum first.

Do you want to know something that'll give you a reality check?
Explaining this post to Kathy, I said out of deference.
Fugue state you know how bipolar people get, like it didn't include me.

I got a really blank stare. 
Perception of my reality took a hit.
Honey I don't get that way? answer, sometimes. 

I just don't know what to do with that.
How you see yourself, is not how others see you.
I'm not medicated or under a doctors care, but I guess I am indulged/tolerated.

Collision of Thought

Father to Son.
The Cat Lady is on her 3rd home. 
Words become orphans.
Tick Tock, Tick Tock.

I've heard of restless leg
Heard of restless hand, Superior Donuts
Is Restless Brain a thing?
Cause I think I got it.

I prayed for CAKE last night.
Got up n there was CAKE.
Pretty quick turn around on a prayer.
It usually doesn't work like that.

When at a crossroad. Do you let your mind come out n play?
There is no point.
Which is not the point.

I'm standing on the 3rd story ledge.
Waiting for news that talks me down.
Roller coasters n Airports.
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.

Thank You
I appreciate that question
I hoped someone would ask me about that
Next question

Anxiety doesn't change anything.
Then again, I had a cool pic.
Also had a good title.
So, I write the words.

In a recent conversation Big words was the topic.
To use or not to use Big words, THAT is the question.

My official stance on the use of Big words is, ehhh whatever.
The words you use to make a point should be precise, understandable n get to the dirt.

You can talk for 10 minutes n say nothing.
Or, you can use a few sentences n get right there.

Of course I'm not one to talk because I talk in circles n use riddles.
That's my job though, to expound on the notions that drift through my mind.

There is no script, just find the manner that suits you.
To the point, speak in a manner that makes you comfortable. 

I find myself using my fathers voice more n more.
A natural drift to where I came from.

My writing structure is made up.
I'm told my grammar is poor.

Hell I make up words as it suits me.
Find your voice, convey the thought, keep it simple.

Words will not ingratiate you with fancy folks.
Let your thoughts stand for you in judgement.

We live in fear of judgement.
I prefer to present my thoughts unhindered by self image.

Since the age of 5, I haven't given a tinkers damn what anybody thought of me. 
Obsessing over will they like me sabotages any shot at finding out who you are.

That's not to say I liked myself, because I did not.
I've only begun to like myself in the last decade.

My journey has been n is a quest for change.
I strive every day to be a better person.

Present your mind to people.
Your appearance will betray you.

Your mind, purity of thought.
That's where you make your stand.

Look at me, you see some old shit kicker.
Listen to me, I hope you get a different take.

One truth is not in my hands.
Your perception is yours n I can't change it.

Circles n Puzzles.
I warned ya.

I really like the idea that Pez Outlaw traveled here from another dimension.
The transition from his world to this was just to much n Pez Outlaw ended up in the Asylum he writes to you from now. 

I can tell you one thing for sure.
If I still had my spaceship n could go back in time n change just 1 thing.
I'd go back to 1998 n never buy the Pez Outlaw collection.
641 Pez Outlaw Collection

courtesy of  Phyllis Shafer Oreck

$250,000.00 on new original design product, color variations, crystals n glow in the dark Pez.
$250,000.00 on old stock to qualify for previous sentence.

The biggest mistake bar none I made in this lifetime was to try n go legit by buying 1/2 million dollars of Pez From Pez Corporation in 1998.
So yes if I could go back in time, I'd never have done that.
Of course that would also mean that the Pez Hobby would never have seen Crystals or Glow in the Dark pez.
It would also mean that Scott McWhinnie would not have been forced into retirement.

I smuggled 2 million Pez this way n that into the USA.  
Over an 11 year period I earned 4.5 million dollars.
At the end of that I lost 1/2 million dollars.
We walked away from those years $250,000.00 in debt.

It's been almost 20 years since I received the news that changed the direction of my life.
The previous 47 years of my life had been a very slow crawl of forward momentum that peaked in a rapid decade of the 1990s.
The 1990s were the happiest time of my life, all my worries vanished for a decade.

The story of How much n why Scott McWhinnie hated Pez Outlaw (me) is by now well known within the Pez Collecting community.
Kathy said You really couldn't have changed what happened. 
My answer was, My biggest regret is deciding to buy that 1/2 million dollars worth of Pez Product.
I just never should have done it.


I've never been the type of person that things came to easily.
As a matter of fact my ability to fit into what is "Normal" has always been a challenge.
Despite that I found my path.

It took me 25 years to get to the point in 1994 that I was ready to make my move.
Finally I had scraped together a few thousand dollars to begin my journey.
The next 4 years flew by at light speed, as I traveled the world buying Pez.
I had finally caught the wave.

Everything was built on the momentum of the previous success.
Flea markets, Good Will stores, Collectibles of every description, McDonalds premiums, cereal premiums and finally Pez.
Every success rolled into the next, all building to the decisions of 1998.

In 1998 I remortgaged my home ($125,000.00) and took out an additional line of credit loan for $125,000.00.
I put that borrowed $250,000.00 plus another $250,000.00 of earnings in 1998 on the biggest play I had ever made.
I made my play, a half million dollars pushed into the middle of the table.

In late 1998 I lost and sj glew died.
Everything I had worked a lifetime for ended.
Like I said my path in life has not been an easy fit.

Yes I earned 4.5 million dollars in 11 years on a $4,000.00 investment, but in the end I lost $250,000.00 on a half million dollar investment that should have yielded a million, minimum.

The question then became, when you have lost almost everything what's your next move.
All material resources gone, what's left to draw on.
It was at that low point that I realized the one asset, I still had my mind.

Over the next decade I used it along with the new tool of the internet to write my story.
The process has been very slow, 20 years now.
The goal to sell the Pez Outlaw story as a book and a movie.

I can say this much as to the progress of that dream.
Having your story optioned does not guarantee that the movie will actually be made.
So I continue working.

That day in 1998 when sj glew and all his dreams died, that was the day Pez Outlaw was born.
A thought just crept into my mind. I wonder what the reaction would be if I showed up at Pez USA headquarters or the Offices in Austria?
Would I be welcomed as an old Friend?

You'd think that the person that made Pez international millions would indeed have the red carpet rolled out for him.
I say made them millions in this context, Bubble Boy, Color variations, Glow in the dark n crystal's.
All these ideas originated by Pez Outlaw n did not existed until I conceived n introduced them. 

So my guess is Pez Corp would welcome me (Pez Outlaw) with open arm.
Hell, I bet Pez Corp would throw a banquet in my honor if I showed up at there door.
I'd be all, gosh folks you don't have to create a special Pez Dispenser to commemorate my contribution to Pez.

N they Pez Corp would be.
But you are so awesome, we pale historically in the presence of Pez Outlaw.
Aw shucks, it was nothin.

After Pez Outlaw conceived n launched colors, glow n crystals Pez Corp sold millions of them.
Being a humble person I've stayed in the shadows n let Pez Corp run with my ball.
There success with my ideas is payment enough.
It's like watching all your children do well.

But Hey n Oh Shucks, if you want to create a special pez dispenser to commemorate the Pez Outlaw contribution to Pez.
I suppose that'd be OK.
After all, It's For The Children.

Jeez Oh Pete's, So much Fuss.
Thank You.
Pez Outlaw. 

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.

Pez Corporate Fraud, Pez Color War, Restitution.

Pez Outlaw, 51% Sane #pezoutlaw

Birdie Yhe Cat n Pez Outlaw

 

Please Watch My Emmy Winning Movie, The Pez Outlaw on Amazon Prime & Peacock. 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. Best actor at SXSW.

It's My Story.

ebay link to Pez Outlaw Collectibles.

https://www.ebay.com/.../Pez-Outlaw-By-sj-glew/_i.html...

Last night I had a very realistic dream that my work had been published. To my surprise when I opened the large soft cover book (yes it was weird I could feel the texture of the book) It was Notes From The Asylum that had been published not Pez Outlaw Diary.

It had somehow just been published without my knowledge and I was playing catch up. I didn't seem to mind, actually I was thrilled and flattered. Tell you a secret, I've always felt my work here in the Asylum is better than Pez Outlaw Diary. To be fare though the diary is one story, the asylum is many stories and introspective.

In my dream I asked if I was going to get any money for it's publication, Oh no was the answer.
I know it was just a dream but I hope I was going to get per copy sold money at least.
I'd hate to think that I cheated myself in my own dream.

I had a very large dog that lived to be 12yrs old. Kinda unusual, she did it because she slept about 90% of the time. Soupy played and had a very rich dream life, for her which was reality her dream life or what we call reality?
My point is that at least I've been published on one plain of consciousness.

I can't wait to go to sleep tonight and see how my book is selling. Maybe I'll take a nap in hopes of an update.

It really doesn't matter if you "live in the real world" if by doing so you are miserable. My dreams, my fantasy's, The world that only exists in my head keeps me going. I've found that my bouts with depression are usually when I live in "the real world" and my dreams elude me. Once I find the hope of my dreams again depression leaves. 

A rich fantasy life is the key to happiness. Things that I can't afford to do, I build over and over in my mind. I find the parts I can do for zero money then refine my plans to perfection.

                                                                 

Sane. (of a person) of sound mind; not mad or mentally ill.
51% works for me. 

51% Sane.
One Bump over the line. 
Treading water but holding my own. 
Counting sharks, hoping for the best.

Dealing with the day in front of me. 
Yesterday n Tomorrow can't help.
Better than 49 

Is your hand true? 
Reality does not blur. 
Only perception.

As the majority shareholder in my sanity, I'd like to issue the following report to the other shareholders. Your recent attempts at a hostile takeover have failed.
Though it was a close one.
How many of you have been in Walmart n been told "Dial The Crazy Down"?Happened to me yesterday.
Came back in the store after retrieving something from the truck.
When I saw Kathy I was overtly joyous.
Problem I guess is my display of happiness showed to much disregard for anyone but her or how my joy affected them.
To much like a puppy when you get home I guess.

The truth is that for over 45yrs Kathy has been the Hall Monitor of my existence in your world.
Kathy adjusts n fine tunes my behavior so that I fit.
Occasionally though I get away from her n she has to reel me back in.
I listen n obey because I've learned that she sees what I can't.

Let me tell you all a secret.
It seems like once a week now I find myself thinking about being interviewed concerning the Pez Outlaw Book n the other thing I'm not allowed to mention.

I ask the interviewer if it's OK if I wear my hat.
Would I wear my sweatshirts n not try to be something I'm not by dressing up.
Would that make me look like a homeless person or could I be uniquely who I am.
My annoyance with how no matter the topic, it gets max 3 minutes.

Feast or Famine
In the 1990s I earned 4.5 million dollars over an 11 year period.
Think about it. Wouldn't it have been better if I'd earned that same amount over 45 years.
4.5 million over 45 years is $100,000.00 per year.
Now wouldn't that have been nicer.
Instead it was belly up to the tables n broke by the end of the game.

Same thing now.
Poor right now n seem to owe money to everybody.
Sometime in the next 3 years, MONEY!
Just wish this type of thing would spread itself out more.

So that's me right now. Poor n wishing future riches would even out.
Daydreaming about how I'd handle celebrity interviews.
So basically 51% sane.



51% Sane is the best one day post I've ever had. Thank you all very much. #pezoutlaw #hollywood

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.

Pez Corporate Fraud, Pez Color War, Restitution.

Saddle Up n Put On Your Rain Poncho's #pezoutlaw

Please Watch My Emmy Winning Movie, The Pez Outlaw on Amazon Prime & Peacock. 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. Best actor at SXSW.

It's My Story.

ebay link to Pez Outlaw Collectibles.

https://www.ebay.com/.../Pez-Outlaw-By-sj-glew/_i.html...

The Persona is everything

GIDDY UP.
I came to Happy Horse Asylum for rest n recreation. Busy hands are happy hands, no different for the mind.
I fight tedium by engaging my mind, trying to be creative. When I get a thought right, it is very satisfying.

Interesting thing happened on my way to the Asylum, I found that I like it here. I thought I came here just to stay busy while I wait for developments/progress on other projects. All I wanted to do was stay busy n find a place to put my thoughts that had no business in  Pez Outlaw Diary . I used to clutter it up with all this stuff.

So in order to keep my main project Pez Outlaw Diary  clean, I created Notes From The Asylum.
Life has a funny old way of happening though. I came to Pez as a busy project while doing cereal boxes premiums n McDonalds. I had no idea Pez was the thing I'd become known for, my direction was Cereal.

Again life starts playing tricks. I came here because of Pez Outlaw Diary . The Asylum was just supposed to be a divergence n now it's actually performing competitively. Add to that, that I enjoy writing in the Asylum each day.

I've got no idea where we are going but saddle up n put on your poncho's and we will find out.

Allz I know is. 1500 combined views yesterday n 2136 views today. Before that we were averaging 1000 per day. It would seem we all might need to come n rest in the Asylum once in a while.

The point is this. We meander about through life thinking we are doing one thing, when all the while we are doing something entirely different. Your mind just has to be open to the revelation when it happens.



So Saddle Up, Put on your pochos n big girl panties we are all off to the Asylum.
Put On Your Big Girl Panties

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.

Pez Corporate Fraud, Pez Color War, Restitution.

 

Pez Outlaw, Raindrops fallin on my leg. #pezoutlaw

Please Watch My Emmy Winning Movie, The Pez Outlaw on Amazon Prime & Peacock. 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. Best actor at SXSW.

It's My Story.

ebay link to Pez Outlaw Collectibles.

https://www.ebay.com/.../Pez-Outlaw-By-sj-glew/_i.html...

Trapped between the life you knew n what is yet to come.
The life you're living can be like an old tattered sweatshirt.
It may not be in the best of shape, yet comfortable all the same.

I feel like I'm a spectator watching my life unfold.
No excitement, a good bit of apprehension n discomfort at the unknown.
It's like life is thinking about dealing me in once again.

I watch, I wait, I listen, not sure.
I'm gonna accept the cards as they are dealt.
Thing is, I've waited so long n now I find myself numb as it unfolds.

You want something for what seems an eternity.
Like a robot, day after day for 20yrs you do the work.
You become a spectator in your own life.

I can't seem to shake the trance n embrace the experience.
People tell me how wonderful it must be, yet joy escapes my grasp.
A voice says, you've opened Pandora's Box.

Patiently I wait, for the conductors que.
Praying all the time that I hit the right note.
20yrs of work, 5yrs of waiting.

You only realize how much there is to do when possibility enters.

This time 5 years ago I found myself very anxious about the article Jeff Maysh was writing. 
Though I was not allowed to tell you that I'd sat down for the story that would later appear in The April issue of Playboy.

 Jeff trying to calm me down saying, Hollywood is about to shut down for a couple months. Christmas n New Years.
That not much was going to happen till March or April.

I remember thinking how much that sucked, yet with April came the release of the story.
A year later, here we are again. This time I know without being told that Hollywood shuts down for a couple months.

Maybe in March or April? 
Well that sucks.
You know me, I just love to wait.

So to bide my time I will just keep writing in Notes From The Asylum.
Though today I have been looking at snow chains for my tractor.

In case you missed the joke from the title.
It's the old joke.
Don't piss on my leg n tell me it's raining.
so it follows, being an optimist.
Raindrops keep fallin on my leg. 
A twist on the old song "Raindrops keep falling on my head".


The impatient optimist. "Irony".
Eat your Wheaties so you too can grow up big n strong like Pez Outlaw. 
It could be a thing?

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.

new profile pic captures my essence

Pez Outlaw Diary

Pez Outlaw, Guilt Trip, $19.95. #pezoutlaw

Please Watch My Emmy Winning Movie, The Pez Outlaw on Amazon Prime & Peacock. 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. Best actor at SXSW.

It's My Story.

ebay link to Pez Outlaw Collectibles.

https://www.ebay.com/.../Pez-Outlaw-By-sj-glew/_i.html...

Usually  Guilt Trips run on average $19.95, but today there was a sale on them.
Today n last night I got to feel crazy guilty for the low low price of only $16.00.
I have sent an emissary Moriah Newman to pick the darkness from my aura.
On the verge of madness, I HATE! HATE! HATE! to have to count anything.
111 or 115????? Please just make it go away, My Karma thanks you.
Still recovering, it's gonna take a day or 2.

What's the magic number, $19.95.
How do you compare happiness n peace of mind to such a small amount of money?
Send me $19.95 and I guarantee you I'll be happier.
Studies show you can afford it.
Otherwise why would pretty much everyone asking us for money pick that exact amount?

I tried creating a go fund me page, but nobody wanted to give money just to make me happier??? Go Figure. It was worth a shot.
Maybe if I had Tom Selleck as my pitch man???

Have you noticed how rich folk are asking us for $19.95 a month, the new ok amount of money to ask poor folk for.

Who was it exactly that decided poor folk would pull the lever on $19.95 per month.

2 problems here.
It's rich folk who have guilt about how much they have n are trying to buy peace of mind.

Second. Poor folk do not really have $19.95 to spare each month. To us that's a payment.

Crazy thing is I can think of 3 different commercials where rich spokespersons are asking for $19.95 per month off the top of my head. All good causes. Problem is we do not have $19.95 per month to spare. YOU DO.

Also Celebrities.
Stop encouraging old people to reverse mortgage there homes. Not Cool.

Both of these things really piss me off.

My advice.
Celebrities, stop trying to increase your wealth off the backs of poor n elderly people.
You got issues about your wealth, give your money away. Stop guilting us.
We need what little we have just to keep from calling our cars our homes.
$19.95 per month is real money to us.

That wasn't me. spell check made guilting which no doubt isn't even a word. quilting.


I'm not asking 19.95 or even $14.95
NO, today and today only the next 100 orders
Yours for the low price of $12.41, but wait, that includes free priority mail shipping.

Pez Outlaw Memorabilia

Pez Outlaw Signature on

Pez Pineapple Bank

This is for a vinyl Pineapple Pez Bank. You will receive a 12 inch tall vinyl made by M&J Variety. Bank is made to resemble a classic Pez dispenser. Thank you

Pez Outlaw Signature on12 inch tall Pez Pineapple Bank ne...

Pay SJ Glew using PayPal.Me

Go to paypal.me/pezoutlaw and type in the amount. Since it’s PayPal, it's easy and secure. Don’t have a PayPal account? No worries. Getting one is fast and free.

paypal.me

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.

Pez Corporate Fraud, Pez Color War, Restitution.

Pez Outlaw, Memory Is A Choice #pezoutlaw

Please Watch My Emmy Winning Movie, The Pez Outlaw on Amazon Prime & Peacock. 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. Best actor at SXSW.

It's My Story.

ebay link to Pez Outlaw Collectibles.

https://www.ebay.com/.../Pez-Outlaw-By-sj-glew/_i.html...

With each new day my body screams a new youthful transgression.

Wasted years, Time chases me with a grim humor.

Will I see my dream or will it be my legacy.

My stand-in takes the journey I was meant to travel.

The Labor is at a furious pace n patience is given.

Old friends stalk the progress, hands out for a piece of the action.

I wait n then wait some more, not wanting to give more precious days.

Time once abundant, becomes short.

A Childs dream still waits.

 I had an amazing early childhood.

Born into a 24x24ft cinder block house, 2nd born of 5 boys.

This type of house was common in our small neighborhood, I can think of 4 or 5 of them off the top of my head.

As my brothers started arriving an additional 24x24ft cinder block house was added to the north end of the original with the help of my grandpa Woodcock.

More boys meant further expansion n the low pitch roof was raised radically to add an entire second story.

My brothers n I ran the upstairs bunkhouse.

Yes we were probably considered poor, I knew what welfare spam, cheese n peanut butter were.

Unlike some who ate Welfare spam n hate it now, I still love Fried Spam.

I feel no shame about my preteen childhood, actually the opposite, it was magical

To my brothers: Virgil, David, Dennis n Lloyd.

This is the childhood that I prefer to remember.

The Hour is late, time to make peace with a life lived.

Yesterday I was out talking with some friends n I Told them.

My Grandfather was the town drunk in Farwell Michigan.

My Father was a bit of an angry Alcoholic.

My Mother Died from I believe a Drug overdose in her mid 40s.

I looked at the people around me after I said this n in silence they replied, That's pretty Bleak.

We choose our memories, I dump all that trash I just shared n prefer to remember my childhood the way I want to.

a memory of my 8th Birthday in 1959.

My Mom decided to get my 4 brothers n I Cowboy Guns n Holsters.

Being my Birthday, I got 1st pick the Roy Rogers Double Holster n guns.

Last night while getting in the shower I had the vivid memory of us 5 boys walking down to Pete's store in our Cowboy Hats n Toy guns n Holsters.

My guess more than one of us wearing chaps n vests.

Just a beautiful memory of 5 boys ranging in age from 3 to 10yrs old decked out as cowboys getting ready to spend there quarters on cartoon supplies ready for the days adventures.

That quarter each of us 5 boys got, Dad had to haul away 2 1/2 barrels of other Folks ashes to get it so he could give it to us.

Back in the 1950s almost everybody I knew had a 55gallon metal burn barrel that they burned there trash in. 

Dad was the guy that emptied those barrels n took them to the town dump.

He earned .50cents per barrel to haul it away in his truck, 5 boys eat a lot.

The Baseball field my Dad created behind our house out of an overgrown field.

His work ethic that I carry with me to this day.

My Mom was the most big hearted woman I've ever met, she was also my biggest booster.

She would tell me over n over n over who I was until it stuck.

I was not an easy child to say the least, yet every scrape I got in there she was to help pull me out of it.

Mom wanted everything for her 5 boys n she got in a bit of trouble here n there giving it to us.

Today people laugh when I call the clothes I'm wearing my outfit.

I think that I get that from my mother, she was really into outfits n loved dressing her boys.

I tried explaining an example to Kathryn Ann.

Back when the Brothers of The Brush was a thing.

Kathryn Ann, WHAT! wait a minute what the hell was that.

Obviously, a southside thing.

Anyway men grew beards n people dressed like Barbershop Quartets.

Still with me? Anyway mom made us boys matching outfits with vests.

So anyway I call what I wear each day my outfit.

I choose to remember the good n I reject the bad.

Our minds are tricky little mouse traps.

Some choose to grind away at all the ugly in our lives n then lead very sad lives, never thinking that they actually have a choice...

Forgive me but I do not choose to share my life with these folks, there negative energy just drains the life out of me.

They have made there choice, I could easily match them ugly memory for ugly memory.

My choice though is to view my life differently.

I do though have room in my life for people with mental issues n a true desire to find a path to understanding n better.

I try to share the tools that I've found that help.

On the contrary, people who choose ugly just take n take n take.

It's a Black hole of self pity, you just can't give enough to save them.

I'm on the threshold of accomplishments that others think impossible.

Why, How?

By not wallowing in failure n self pity.

I used the encouragement of my mother n the work ethic of my father.

I took the Good of my life's story as a product n sold it.

I turned everything negative in my life into an asset, then used them to victory.

I did the work n believed in myself for 20yrs.

I really Don't have a clue if my writing is any good or not, but to be honest I don't care.

I try to write with honesty n allow my words to cut deeply into my soul.

I allow my life to be an open book without shame.

I try to share the words we all hide from each other.

A life lived.

If You do not write your story, others will write it for you.

I touched on all of this yesterday in Rocky Rangoo, but felt it deserved a better look.

I take a great deal of pride in my story, you should too.

Stories of the hardship of a life survived with happiness are truly rich. These stories are your wealth.

Believe it or not, I still have not shared everything about my story or Pez Outlaws story..