The Fendersons. #pezoutlaw

Some of the Fendersons.

Please Watch My Emmy Winning Movie, The Pez Outlaw on Amazon Prime & Peacock. 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. Best actor at SXSW.

It's My Story.

ebay link to Pez Outlaw Collectibles.

https://www.ebay.com/.../Pez-Outlaw-By-sj-glew/_i.html...

Before Pez Outlaw, There were the Fendersons.

This Story takes place a Lifetime ago. 

As the story goes. One summer The Fendersons were holding a Family Reunion. That evening at the park it was held at, Alien spaceships came down from the sky & abducted Every last member of the Fenderson family. Wiping them from existence. All that was left when I arrived were the green Tshirts that the Fendersons had been wearing.

I decided that I would right this wrong, so I gathered up all the tshirts with a plan. I would repopulate the entire Family. I let it be known that all you had to do was Pick your Fenderson name & I would send you your tshirt. 

Early meetings of the New Fenderson Clan, All new Fendersons wore Pee Wee Herman or was it Ed Grimly Masks to hide there Identity. I mean, Who could blame them. Those Aliens had it out For The Fendersons.

The plan worked, well lets say to good. This Fenderson story just keeps going like the Energizer Bunny.

There is a book called Discordia, It's like Wikepedia but without the checks & Balances. Dicordia is in it's 5th edition. Well somehow my story was picked up & it was a part of Discordia before it was a book.

Why are you telling us this story? Because I recieved a letter today from a person who bought a copy of the 5th edition of Discordia. He said because I mentioned Emperor somebody he was sending me Emperor somebody Bucks.

Between you & me there was no Emperor Somebody in the original History Of The Fendersons, But Like I said it was a lifetime ago. This Thing just will not Die!

Like this story is not shocking enough.

There are pictures of all this. I have seen them, But that was a lifetime ago.

While prepping & writing this story I was a bit shocked by how much Alien/UFo stuff I have.

Photo by John Disbrow.

Pez Outlaw, That's my story n I'm stickin to it. #pezoutlaw

Please Watch My Emmy Winning Movie, The Pez Outlaw on Amazon Prime & Peacock. 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. Best actor at SXSW.

It's My Story.

ebay link to Pez Outlaw Collectibles.

https://www.ebay.com/.../Pez-Outlaw-By-sj-glew/_i.html...

Wanna hear something Nutty?

I've got a lot of weird stuff left.

Alien Umbrellas, n you name it.

After 30yrs of selling I'm just losing interest in selling.

People contact me saying "Oh I'll buy all the Ren n Stimpy".

In My head I say Oh sure you will, It's a Ton.

I find myself just not caring anymore.

The old Joke about ebay was people who are just showing there stuff, not really selling it.

Guilty, With cereal Boxes, I've been listing them for 20yrs just to promote Cereal Box collecting. Only half caring if I ever sold any.

Oh God! Does that make me a Hoarder just pretending to sell stuff to justify having all this crazy stuff that I love?

Pic is Amy Bandlien Storkel n Bryan Storkel

After the Pez Outlaw Movie Comes Out, I see a large Good Will Truck in my future to haul a bunch of this stuff away.

Even if I only keep half of what I have I will unfortunately still Qualify as a HOARDER.

Cereal boxes, Premiums, Alien UFO stuff, Pez, Topps Candy heads will easily get me there.

Not to mention recyled Building material, wood, nuts , Bolts, nails n screws.

The building stuff will even be after a large Dumpster for "Why am I hanging on to that?"

When we were Filming the Pez Outlaw Movie Bryan n Amy requested a bunch of "COLLECTIBLE" for scenes of Toy Shows etc. I GAVE them a BIG Pile of stuff. Told them 1 condition, None of it comes back here. I never want to see any of it again. Still only a drop in the bucket.

To be fare n forwarned.

If you are a person with evil on your mind.

I am always here, n I have Dogs that enjoy there work.

As Time Goes By

Time passes n folks who grew up out here are moving away.

Over 70 years out here in the country n then deciding to leave.

I've only been out here maybe 45yrs or so but you'd have to pry me off this 20 acres with a crowbar.

Anyway now we have new neighbow that I just met yesterday.

Tank a 6yr old Black Great Dane, Billy Dog's male Doppleganger n Otis a 9 month old Basset Hound.

I met my new neighbors when Otis came over to say Hi.

What a little goofball God I love him, He just walked over n said HOWDY Neighbor.

After being very aprehensive about new neighbors I think it's gonna be just fine.

God, I'm gettin old. 75 this past June.

Starting to remember odd things.

January of 1978? temps got near 70 n flooding.

Guy on ebay has Chef Boy R D {to lazy to look up right spelling} boxed Pizza Mix 4sale n says its 1940s. That ain't right. Pizza was a BIG Deal in late 50s n early 60s.

We used to buy n make that pizza when it came out n i remember it being more like 1960?

I worked at the 1st Burger King in Lasing by Doug's House.

I remember thinking how lucky Doug was, he only had to walk 50yrds to get a hamburger.

I got fired from BK for being involve in the Great Ketchup War of 1966.

Armed with squirt bottles of Ketchup n Mustard 6 or so of us destroyed the joint. Condiments everywhere. Then it escalated to the Bulk Jugs being poured over captives heads. It was Epic Mayhem. In certain circles The Great Ketchup War of 1966 is Folk Lore. Tom Pick started it n i sure as hell accepted the challenge.

I got Fired from a lot of places including KFC.

We all tell ourselves stories in an attempt to feel better about ourselves. Some days it works.

Sometimes the other guy has the microphone.

"She told me not to smoke it, but I did n it took me far away"
Who says country music doesn't tell your story?

Here's the BIG one 1st
My blogs have an overall view # of over 2 million views
Sadly it pays nothing, just ego bucks

Pez Outlaw has a strong appeal to Eastern Europe.

To date Notes From the Asylum has 910,000 views from around the world.

I can't be sure but my guess is all you folks figure I talk a lot, I know Kathy does.
Well I'll tell you what, yesterday I ran into a fellow that put me to shame.
Man that guy could talk, I gotta tell you, He plum wore me out.

At some point after a long bit on age n not much time left I said.
Time to get right with Jesus, Oh my did the rats run for cover.
The phase to me represents a common vernacular that everybody will understand.
I use it to make the point without doubt or misunderstanding.

The fellow just said Oh My!
The conversation ended real soon after.
Interesting, it wasn't my intent but interesting.

I've always felt that big meaningless conversations were or are a defensive mechanism by the wordsmiths.
I play along as long as I can bare, but so many words in such a short time starts feeling like an assault on my mental well being.
Some honesty, I'd rather listen to myself.

You try your damnedest to be polite to others because Kathy says I should listen more.
Problem is, it just feels like I'm in a Charlie Brown Cartoon where the only person saying real words is me.
Anyway 24hrs later n my brain still hurts from all those words.
Nice fellow but boy oh boy could he ever talk n yes I get the irony or was that actually the point?

Oh, I left out the best part.
The talker was a Psychologist, you know a brain guy.
Well there's your problem isn't it.
I've never fared well with those guys.
Always wanten to get me into a strappy jacket.

As per usual I don't find out till later that the guys a shrink.
Every time I get near one of them guys I get a new label for my backside.
Whatever, We Are In The Asylum n the only way is up from here.
I prefer to think of myself as colorful.

For the doubters, yes this actually happened.
My box of crayons is pretty big but if I made something up it would be better than this.

Proud as a Peacock I told Kathy about writing this.
I got the look.
Don't that just say everything.

No matter how hard I try, I'll never be as good a man as she deserves.
But I'm gonna keep trying, determined to come as close as I can. 

*******************

To much time has passed
We are unrecognizable now

The milestones of our life fade
As they do we disappear

We are but raindrops on the Oceans

**************** 

BOOMER CRACK

  For what seems like 50yrs the Government has been shaming, brain washing and cracking down on the Cereal companies about sugar and nutrient content in Breakfast Cereal.

Bah Humbug, I come from the 1950s Baby Boomer generation n the sweeter the better is n was our motto.

Yes We've had sellouts to the Government Reprogramming toward health n Fiber, but I'm here today to make my stand for Boomers across this country.

Hostess donettes cereal (powdered mini) is the best cereal I've ever eaten in my life. It's only been out a few weeks n as you can see from my picture we've eaten 4 boxes already. As a matter of fact, Kathy n I are eating it as I write this.

Breakfast Cereals try real hard but usually miss the mark. Hostess donettes hits the mark with fireworks. The powdered sugar on each O is to perfection. So much so that Kathy n I refer to it as old folk CRACK.

I'm almost 68yrs old n I just don't give a shit anymore. I want my cereal sweet. I don't need fiber, seriously I don't. I take my vitamins but my cereal, sweeter the better Please.

You watch though, some young genius is going to decide that marketing sweet cereal to Baby Boomers is Elder Abuse. I can hear the legislation being written.

All these young geniuses with all there brilliant ideas for others. Seriously, get a life n leave us old people alone. I eat what I want n sweater the better please.

BIG Win Post Cereal, Hostess donettes are just wonderful.

*****************

The Jesus Bale #pezoutlaw #hollywood

Like the fish n bread at the sermon on the mount, for 4 days n 4 nights this lone bale of hay seemed to multiply.
Each night there it sat as the last bale in the little barn, yet by each days end I'd fed out over 5 bales of hay.
Bad weather n life's complications.

Yes of course there's more to it but I really like the thought of that last bale n calling it the Jesus Bale.
Actually we fed 24 bales in those 4 days but somehow in my mind they seemed to appear from thin air.

We are faced with physical & mental challenges every day.
It's how we face these challenges that determines the pain they cause us.
Acceptance is the first grace that we can give ourselves.

My attitude is, ok here's where we are today, now let's get on with things.
I factor in the new reality then adapt to it.
I don't worry about my abilities 5, 10 or 20yrs ago.

You can't bog yourself down with the pain or you'll never get out of bed.
Attitude n as much positivity as you can muster will make up for a lot of deficit. 
I'm a very happy delusional human, Thank You Very Much.

**************************

On a uhm nother topic.
I've been getting a lot of say artistic young women requesting we be friends on facebook.
How kind of you to think of me but I'm 68yrs old n you know there really is just no point to it.
Have a nice life n good luck in your, whatever it is you're doing.
My interests and agenda lye elsewhere.
It's actually kinda funny when you think about it.

************************

I know one truth.
There are many.

I refuse to be sucked into your delusion.
Mine amuses me more.

Parts fact and fiction.
The best stories are.

Reality depresses me.
I'm writing my own story.

Let me know when you catch up.

The Wall Came Tumbling Down

As the Wall came down (the end of the old Soviet Union), the opportunity of this unique moment in time revealed itself. Opportunity for Pez Corporation and for me Pez Outlaw.

I think a lot now about that unique moment in time. Pez Corporation used it to expand into a vast new market. I used it to exploit the vulnerabilities of that rush to expand.

After the Wall came down, there was a lot of confusion. Confusion is your friend if you want to do crazy things in plain sight and have it seem normal. An Outlaw can look like just another businessman coming into a new market wishing to embrace newfound opportunity.

Luckily I had CASH and lots of it, because as we all know "Cash Is King". The number of hands by business types reaching out for the money I offered was like beggars in the slums of a third world country. It was indeed a unique moment in time.

Add to that the Corporate chaos within Pez Corp. In there rush to expand East into a rich new market, many choices that favored my efforts were made. People I found easy to deal with were given positions of authority, In normal times I wonder if the same choices would have been made?

Because the expansion East was so hurried, product was a huge problem and corners were cut. Older inventory and older molds, some no longer under license were rushed into new warehouses and new injection molding factories. Add to that the new user friendly staffs and this brave new world was perfect for me/Pez Outlaw to make his entrance on a world stage.

I loved this time. As I look back now I realize what a huge gift this magic moment was for me.
I grew up lower middle class and definitely not from money. I had a stereotype 1960s youthful experience. Free Love, Drugs and Rock and Roll.

A Deal With The Devil

I left my youth of the 1960s behind for love and 25yrs of torture to my soul working in the shop.
While working in the shop I dreamed of the moment that finally arrived in 1994. A moment where if you could walk that delicate line between legal and illegal I could escape and lead the life I'd only dreamed of. When my moment arrived I grabbed that brass ring with both hands like a starving child.

What followed was My Perfect Decade. Money I can now only dream of having, because as you might guess it ended badly. That moment in time and I were both ill suited to survive, but ignorance was bliss and we both thought it could go on forever. With all my soul I wish it had, but like a crossroads deal with the Devil I got the standard ten years before my time ran out.

Now two decades later a story about Pez Outlay in Playboy Magazine and interest in a Hollywood Movie. Again I wait at the Crossroads like Robert Johnson eager to make that deal for just one more great decade before my time runs out again.

One last trip and one last dream

rare picture of pez outlaw

**************************

feels like being on a runaway train going 100 mph.
You want to slow it down but can't no matter how hard you try. 
The points of reflection are when I get in bed n when I get up.
2yrs. 18yrs. 67yrs. That moment was yesterday.

Picking n Scratching, we are at our Primordial Best.
Instinctively nothing is more deeply encoded in our DNA.

Truth is it's just dirty laundry.
Next day comes the verbal hangover.

You carry things around with you each day. 
Pushing down the things you shouldn't think about or talk about.

Sometimes as hard as it is, you just have to walk away.
Just close your eyes n do what you do. 

My Life in Real Time

You know how people say "don't measure your life by what others post online". That's how I feel about Fred n Barney, How can my life ever measure up to there's?

I've heard that people take pictures of there food for picturegram.

I closed my eyes n wished for Coco Pebbles. When I opened my eyes there they were. Vanna by Paige n Sammy.

A cereal box is like a movie to me n these guys are so upbeat n happy, it makes me happy.

Just ate a Jethro Bodine size bowl of Cocoa Pebbles.

Running a bit hot. WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Tina Christison Gunsauls

HELP!

I will not post, I will not Post, to late.

Kathy Glew

is gonna have to take my fingers away from me.

It's a cartoon, you can do that.

Kathy Glew

please eat responsibility

I give that Mega Cocoa Pebbles 3- 4 days at the outside.

You may not know but ebay sorta quit paypal n is doing a thing called direct payments.

Kathy Glew

said "well at least now it's easier to see how much money we are losing selling on ebay"

I said maybe then we should quit selling on ebay.

Kathy, " what do we do with all this stuff then"?

Me, it can be my collection.

Kathy Glew

"isn't it already"

Ok

Tina Christison Gunsauls

ok i'll stop. maybe..

Had to put 3 new round bales in feeders yesterday. Busy doing Bunny Horses pen n yacking away with her when there was a big commotion above my head. Looked up n there was Birdie cat foolin around on top of the bale. Every time that I tried to pull the hay net over she grabbed it n pulled it away. Got in the house n Kathy asked, "Have you seen Birdie today?" Oh Yeah, I saw Birdie today.

Busta Horse comes in by himself because you can trust him to go to his stall. BUT! Lately he's taken to garage sale-ing on his way in. He has no intention of running off, just wants to look around at stuff till I call his name. Jeeze oh petes Busta you are a real character.

Well we figured out after 3 days of torment to Billy n Puddy dogs what the problem was. Why they seemed very nervous n upset. Smoke alarm chirping in basement. I want a new battery. Hey it only took us 3 days to hear it. Dogs "So you're going deaf as well as Blind, GREAT NEWs?"

You ever get to feeling that your feet are just to far away to deal with?

I got enough to deal with up here.

Yeah, you guys are on yer own for a few days.

262 heavy big bales will do that to ya.

Yesterday we got a picture from Moriah/daughter who lives 9/10 of a mile away. The photo was of my granddaughter at home holding jelly cat. Jelly loves her most of all. That little bugger had walked almost a mile to say Hi. Dr Jones Dog kinda chased him off. By 3pm cat feeding old Jelly was standing there at home wanting his Kitty chow like nothing unusual had happened. Just a regular day to him in the life Of A Jelly Cat. The World Is Jelly Cat's Oyster.

You ever get to feeling that your feet are just to far away to deal with?

I got enough to deal with up here.

Yeah, you guys are on yer own for a few days.

262 heavy big bales will do that to ya.

Got home last night from

Cindy Heistand

's after we got done (well partially done). Laurie Svendsen hat put a dozen new bales in Kathy's little barn n Kathy had thrown the round bale to the curb. "Please Remove This From My World", Yes Mam.

The funny part was a wheel barrel with a note on it full of sweepings. "Give This To Bunny"

You see round here Hay ain't crap hay till Bunny Horse says it's crap hay.

Bunny approved though she was annoyed at getting it instead of her sweet flake. Every horse gets 1 sweet flake when I go out to feed n water. they have tons of 1st cutting all day but that sweet flake of second cutting alfalfa hay matters to them.

Hell Red was hammering me (Glaring at me) about it still this morning.

Kathy said I gave him a flake of second cutting this morning. ALFALFA? No.Grass. OOOOH, No that ain't alfalfa, he knows.

just had to move Jelly Cat from my office chair to the couch. Kathy agreed that he must weigh 10 pounds.

That's a lotta mice. Jelly Cat said "I'm on it BOSS"!

There's no glamor in a toilet bowl brush's Life.

got a date with 20yrds of crushed concrete n a tractor = happyness

Birdie Cat is so disappointed in me. I need to go outside n live up to her expectations.

I guess I should explain. I don't talk on telephones, I hate them. 1 exception, when I am Kathryn Ann's voice on a phone for her, because nobody can hear her. Text only is best.

I want to take a moment n talk about rules. Everybody lately seems to have them. I Don't. I prefer to just meander about n make it up as i go along. DOWN WITH RULEs! Can I get an AMEN, Billy dog, Puddy Dog, Jelly Cat N Birdie Cat.

Billy Dog ate a bag of cookies off the top of the microwave this morning before I got up. I asked her. Billy Dog are you a Cookie Monster, consider that your talking to about it. Billy Dog said COOL.

I just don't care. God love her if she wanted some Cookies.

Every day Billy got up n there were those cookies. Each day she told herself I'm a good dog I won't take them even though I could. After a week the cookies were just taunting her dareing her to do it. How much can a girl take before she breaks. It was to much today Billy shut those cookies up forever. How you feeling Billy Dog? Thumbs up but laying down saying, "I can't believe that I ate the whole thing. I think I might be a little sick. I will not Throw up, I will not throw up.

Birdie Cat is a Bugetarian.
she like grasshoppers.
Birdie pronounces it Buggie Tarian

Sometimes you just sweep up all the leavins

Other peoples snot isn't as much fun as you'd think it would be.

Yesterday. Fellow comments, "Oh, That Bad". I respond, You know highs n lows, plus these guys indicating over my shoulder to nobody, just keep talking. The fellow I was talking to is a retired shrink. As I'm walking away I hear this guy asking someone else, "He's Kidding, Right". You dear sweet fellow, I wish that I were.

You know, I watch all these commercials for Schizophrenia medication. So supportive of each other, "You're Not Alone". Where were you folks the last 69yrs? Never mind, I figured it out for myself. I think. Right guys. I'll get back to you, we're in a meeting.

The other day I had to tell Joshua that I don't like to talk about serious things like BOOT's? On the upside Joshua salvage a new White Board for the clubhouse. Waited a decade for that one. just goes to show you. Stand still long enough n everything comes to you.

I choose to laugh at life, so please laugh with me.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.

Pez Corporate Fraud, Pez Color War, Restitution.

Pez Outlaw, What's My True Role? #pezoutlaw

Please Watch My Emmy Winning Movie, The Pez Outlaw on Amazon Prime & Peacock. 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. Best actor at SXSW.

It's My Story.

ebay link to Pez Outlaw Collectibles.

https://www.ebay.com/.../Pez-Outlaw-By-sj-glew/_i.html...

My blog posts have received Well over 2 million views.
People are actually reading my posts.
Who Knew.

I had no idea people were actually reading the posts.I thought maybe, come for a giggle then move on kinda thing.

This presents a dilemma. 

I asked for talking points?
If I had an idea of where it's going, it sure would be easier to stay on script.

Do I need to be more careful about certain subjects Like Politics?
One of my biggest beefs about Movie Stars n Singing artists is when they start telling regular folks what they should think or how they should live there lives.

Movie Stars n Singers are Big Fish in Big Ponds.
Pez Outlaw is for now a small fish in a small pond.
The same question remains, "What's My True Role"?

Has Pez Outlaw here in the Asylum reached the point where he needs to heed his own advice?
Truman, Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Bush, Obama and Trump.
These are the presidents of my time so far here on Earth.

I give you the list to show perspective.
Politicians Come, Politicians go, the human condition n struggle continues.
Which is my answer.

My job here at the Asylum is to comment on the struggle of life itself not the Politics. 
That's your business not mine, there's a curtain on that booth for a reason.
So best I can I'm gonna leave all that Polaticy Stuff to the Paid Professionals. 

I'm gonna stick to what I know.
What Crazy People Think about Life n trying to live it day to day.

I have a grandson who is cursed with my brain type.
I told him that it will be a challenge ( I was flunked in 2nd grade, had to repeat it n put in the "SLOW" kids class in 9th grade, in both cases for being a poor reader. Dyslexia ) but this unique brain we share is also the key.
Most people view life in pretty much the same way, we offer a unique perspective n point of view.

On TV you're always hearing, "think outside the box".
My grandson n I live outside that box, shit we couldn't get in that box with a hall pass.
We look like you n sound like you because we work very hard at it, but in our minds we live completely outside that box.

Our challenge is to bring interesting things to the window for you to view.
I walk on that delicate line of crazy without so far falling off.
It's actually a very blessed place to be, if you view it right.

One of my jobs is to show my grandson the good of what he n I share n not to accept other folks views of it.
I need to teach him the internal strength of conviction required to believe in yourself when you are a crowd of one.
My grandson needs to learn to embrace his inner self n view it as his strength not the weakness others try to brand it.

I am a Crazy Person, I embrace it n I own it.
I hope that there is a Pez Outlaw Movie, because it would be a win n a validation of Crazy People hiding among you.

Which part of Crazy Did You Not Understand?
Party of One, Your Table Is ready. 
I am Pez Outlaw, The Asylum is my home.

I love the Asylum, I find myself spending more n more time here. It soothes the beast. The Asylum has been hitting  5, 6 n 700 views per day over the last week or so.
I suppose that's because, if you enjoy something, others can see it.


I wish I understood how this # thing works.
Don't bother trying to explain it to me. Several already have, my eyes just got glassy n all I heard was mwwwa mwwwa # mwwwwa mwwwa. To Old, don't get it. probably never will.

Jeff, I guess you could say I checked myself into the Asylum while I wait.

Crapp, just noticed that #asylum and #theasylum are taken. I had to change it to #notesfromtheasylum
Yes, I spell crapp with 2 p's. I just think crapp should have 2 p's.
Like I've mentioned sometimes my poor grammar is intentional.
So don't automatically think that I'm iggorant. Even if you might be correct in your assumption.

#notesfromtheasylum  Like I said, I have no idea how this # thing works.

That said, I've had 1,400 combined views already today. By the end of day it should be 1500. 

Well there you go, That's Today. 

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.

new profile pic captures my essence

Pez Outlaw Diary

 

Pez Outlaw, Own Who You Are #pezoutlaw

Please Watch My Emmy Winning Movie, The Pez Outlaw on Amazon Prime & Peacock. 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. Best actor at SXSW.

It's My Story.

ebay link to Pez Outlaw Collectibles.

https://www.ebay.com/.../Pez-Outlaw-By-sj-glew/_i.html...

Own Who or What You Are. Be The Writer Of How The World Views You

When you clicked on this you opened the door to the Asylum.
So if you made a mistake, I will pause for a moment while you run for your sanity.

OK, we're back.

Notes from the Asylum is about the Twisty turns of the mind, picking up discarded things from the floor of your mind. Dusting them off n looking at them. that's the intent part.

The interpretation part is what you the reader are bringing to the table as you read this.
Well now that I've put us both down this rabbit hole, how do I get us out of here?

I guess I'm saying that the Asylum is a thought experiment. 
Playing with the mind in public.
Oh Yeah n it amuses me.

Your interpretation might be different, fair enough.
Last night I was watching something on tv n it involved crazy.
I got feeling kinda bad for some people who are trying to deal with crazy n not winning.
I've sorta found a middle ground with crazy, one I think I'm coping with.

I've decided to use crazy as a skill set, instead of letting it use me.
68yrs n it doesn't look like crazy is going away any time soon.
So I can either be a victim or figure out how to make crazy carry it's share of the work.
I'm not afflicted by crazy, crazy is an integral part of who I am.
The crazy in me is what makes me unique.
Crazy is what gives me a very different perspective on life n living it.

You can try for a lifetime to outrun crazy n never win.
You can give up, medicate n be crazies victim.
I choose to find the good in something I can not escape.
Each part of crazy has it's own unique assets if you look hard enough.

I've tried a lifetime to imitate others, be like you.
Guess what, it made me miserable n I failed to be like you.
Well if I can't outrun this Bastard then maybe I'd better do my best to make peace with him.
When you try to outrun crazy you just give him more power over you.
I've decided to meet with crazy n allow him to share my voice.
Keep your enemies close, so you can keep a better eye on them.

It took almost 30 years. Others aren't as lucky.
I make lite of it cause it's part of the coping.
I do not make lite of the struggle others are facing n do not suggest what works for me would work for anyone else.
Hopefully though some might find encouragement in the things I write.
I also want to remove the stigma attached to crazy.
We are unique n I don't mean special like that.
I mean sincerely that we bring a rare unique view with different approaches to things.

Own Who or What You Are. Be The Writer Of How The World Views You.
Which is why I avoid mirrors. I do not want any physical representation in what I project as who I am.
****************************************************

Below is a post that failed to get the required # of views to stand on it's own.
I put it here though because it contains info that might be useful.

Jeff Maysh #pezoutlaw #hollywood

Jeff Maysh seemed disappointed when my thoughts regarding my youth for the Pez Outlaw book were at best my disinterest.
Here's my reason.
I have a very strong dislike of my past, I don't like who I was at all.
You name the time period, all I have for it is regret n sadness.

I find thinking about my past very unsettling mentally.
I've worked very hard every day of my life to be better than who I was yesterday.
Memories of who I was only get in the way of who I want to be.

BUT!
I've got what I think is a really good solution to this obstacle.
As we know everybody colors there memories of the past so that they can live with themselves.
Therefore a lot of Biographies seem a bit self serving.

A more accurate version of who we were is in the eyes of those around us at the time.
Which brings me to my idea.
I think Jeff should use his recorder on my 4 brothers n get them to tell it.
The way my brothers saw me would I feel tell the story more accurately.

If it's written from my point of view it will just be self serving.
My youth as seen by my brothers, I think might tell a more interesting story.
I can live with the way they saw it.

I don't fear the truth of my past.
I just don't want to relive it.
My only thoughts are of today n tomorrow.
I block out as much of my past as I can.
If a memory of the past creeps into my mind, I go into overdrive to push it out.

In the 1990s I listened to motivational speakers on tape.
Part of the reason I was able to even be Pez Outlaw.
The motivational guy I liked best referred to bad memories you dredge up to sabotage yourself as weeds.

Here's the thing for me about thinking about the past. 
I'm good for a few seconds but then my mind segues to the worst thought it can, just to screw with me.
Being aware that this is how my mind works I just head the whole process off by not thinking about the past at all.

So let my brothers tell it n that way I don't have to think about it.
I'm good with who my brothers saw me as.
You can include Doug Wallet for my drinking n drug years.

My battle with the demons in my head were not seen by most.
Only Kathy knows.
It's always been in my head, rarely seen by the world around me. 

Which is also why recent entreaties to relive old angers n hatreds seem trivial.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.

new profile pic captures my essence

Pez Outlaw Diary