From My Heart. Shame. Pez Outlaw #Prime #Peacock

 

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There is a degree of shame that comes with Mental Health issues.

That is one of the many reasons I post about this subject.

You can hide it or own who you are, I choose to own it.

You are not broken, your reality is just unique from others.

I wish that I could just hand new people that I become aware of all of the tools that it has taken me 74 years to learn & go Fix, Fix, you're good to go. But as we know it does not work like that.

It absolutely breaks my heart when I hear that someone I was unaware of is traveling this road that I was given.

All that said, I was given one gift that has served me well. I have a very strong core, I present myself openly. Like me or hate me, I honestly am good with Either way.

I write openly about my struggles, it is my version of therapy. Also not to hide in shame.

This though I do not recomend, private journeling is better for most. I have chosen my path because somehow I am imune from the fear of someone liking me or not.

My attemts are to hopefully ease someone elses burden. You are not alone, there are a lot of us out here like you. We fight, we survive.

My prayer is that you can take shame out of this equasion, you are dealing with enough. Let the shame go.

I know, I know. It's Christmas Debbie Downer. But as I said I became aware of another fellow traveler & I wanted to reach out.

So many national News & headlines have cast shade on Mental Health issues. Which is a shame because it makes open conversation difficult. We hear the dark stories & go quiet, when talking is actually the most healthy thing we can do.

I have felt it as I would guess so have you.

The numbers of people dealing with Mental Health issues are staggering. Please keep talking, We do not wear a scarlet letter.

We talk to heal & get better.

I know the temptation is to hide & not talk, but that is the worst thing that we can do.

Do you wanna know the thing I do when my mind is in a slump.

I work as hard as my old body will allow. I put on a fresh shirt & by the end of day it is destroyed with sweat. Work is very healing.

I also share openly to remove shame.

I have been avoiding talking about these things lately, you know because. But today I decided that silence leaves to many people isolaed & we just can't have that.

When I was young I always tried to search for the why. This is a fools errand. It just is, there is no why. The why you search for only hurts or incorrectly blames others.

Anyway, God Love you all. Please keep Love & Kindness in your heart.

Always strive to be the best version of yourself.

Truth reveils itself over time.

Search inward for the best version of yourself.

Avoid loud voices of desperation.

It's just noise of little value meant to distract you.

Pause & listen closely for the quiet voice of truth.

My objective is not to speak clearly.

I want you to find your own truth.

To say more is of little use.

A young couple stopped by yesterday, hunting for a place to keep there horse. We chatted for a while. Once they left Mom said, "you know that you Talk in Riddles".

Darlin Girl is never wrong & I depend on her to Translate Reality for me. Though I do admit this revelation was disconcerting, because you never know how you are percieved by others.

That said it actually bothered me less than it probably should.

What do you expect from someone who loves the writing of Nostradamus?

In an odd way it pleased me since one of my favorite phases is "Your Slip Is Showing". Meaning you reveiled to much.

Luckily since Mom & I have been together for over 50yrs she understands me.

Here's something that you do not know. Mom & I do not play the Big Money Lotto or Lottos of any kind.

I know everybody dreams of all the fun 600 million takehome woud be. When mom & I think about that kind of money all at once, All we see are the humungus problems it would bring with it.

We had a bit of money once & it wrecked our lives. At best money should be earned slowly so you can adjust slowly.

Mom & I prefer our quiet simple life.

Money changes you & the people around you.

Here's more that you might think strange.

I was offered actor pay for the Pez Outlaw movie when I signed the papers, I turned it down. Told them that's ok, I don't mind doing it.

Though for the final shoot, I did accept $500 & a Carhart coat sorta needed both at the time.

When I help folks round here I never accept money. It ruins the gesture of helping.

Admittedly, I have a poor relationship with money.

My pockets are empty & I am the happiest that I have ever been in my life.

Yes I sell Pez Outlaw not a pez dispensers, but that is for bills & buying food.

I do not waste favors from God on things like Money. By now I think that you know what I pray for.

So why do I do this thing, Pez Outlaw,
I have pretty much zero knowledge of who my ancestors on the Glew side were, which by itself is really not that important.
That said I do what I do so my decendants in this life Know who there Grandpa & Grandma were. That much I can do.
Hopefully my stories will amuse them or possibly help them.

Did you hear about the person in California who won the 1.2 Billion Lotto? I heard there take home will only be half of that. Though still enough to ruin there life. You say, what RUIN??? There Life is about to get very complicated. Sudden Wealth is like your life got hit by a cat 5 hurricane.

Money is not all that it is cracked up to be. In my Pez Outlaw Days I earned well over 4.5 Million Gross. It Ruined my Life.

Money changes you & it makes you a target.

Thank God I lost every Penny I had & regained my senses.

Mom hates it when I say poor so lets say Free of Money instead.

My Friends at Pez conventions may have noticed. I do not carry money, credit cards or a cell phone. My children ussually accompany me, I hand them all the money & they give it to mom. Last Pez convention I had to plead with Bear for $30 to buy 4 for a dollar Pez. You see Mom manages everything by phone & she told Bear to slow me down, that I was getting outa hand.

This is all said in humor, it's how I like it. If left to my own devises I am able to burn through money in amazing speed.

I am best when I have zero money in my pockets.

It keeps me grounded & a better person.

I may be Free Of Money, But I have the true wealth. My Story with Mom.

On the funny side. People here on the farm avoid giving me money because I lose it or forget completely that I have it..

Got to thinking about something just now.

You know I really don't have it that hard right now.

Yeah I get wore out here & there from work & chores.

Then there is the quiet time like right now, when you get time to think.

The in between time when you can relax & close your eyes for a bit.

Is my life Perfect? Have I lived a perfect Life? No to both.

That's OK though, I've seen a few things & have the love of a good woman.

I guess you could say that I'm finally at a relative peace with life.

You will leave this world with the same amount of money that you entered it with. Same goes for the monuments you build of yourself & leave behind once you are gone.