Wednesday, June 21, 2017

66yr old anxiety attack over twitter. #pezoutlaw #hollywood @pezoutlaw



Last weekend I watched a TV show that was about young people obsessed with there online presence and achieving large numbers of followers that were being murdered over there vanity.
This troubled me and started a few days of self reflection.

I started worrying that I might also have succumbed to this teenage online life preoccupation.
I can dress it up with my cause (Pez Outlaw) or how I'm using this as therapy.
This might be the intent but am I becoming obsessed with gaining followers?

I enjoy mentions, retweets and the number of views I'm getting but have I strayed from my true goal?
Am I allowing the unimportant to confuse my purpose.
Blah, Blah, Blah, metrics of penetration.

My initial mission statement at the Asylum was that I'm talking to an entity that I do not believe is real.
I do not wish to engage anyone, this is a solo quest into the cyber world.
In short, poor mans therapy.
Have I strayed from that?

Notes from the Asylum is supposed to be about my attempt to sort through my brain and make sense of my thoughts.
I'm not supposed to care if anybody reads these posts.
I'm supposed to write as though you all are not real or looking.

Was that ever true or am I just a teenager seeking fame?
Then again I did go yippie over the following tweets.

14m14 minutes ago

7h7 hours ago

thank you for doing Steve's story. Neat as all-get-out that it's 1 of the Best 2015!

I'm also enjoying things like the below, way to much.
Steven Glew
Works at Acme Inc
Lives in Bad Clown Town
5,600 followers
And the fact that Notes From The Asylum will reach 500,000 views in a couple months.

Unrepentant, He Said my Tweets earned 2,294 impressions over the last 24 hours

I tell myself that stats are a measure of accomplishment, but am I really as vulnerable as anyone else to the need for acceptance.
For Pete's sake, What are you gonna do with yourself?


I'm an unashamed narcissist. I only pay attention to what I'm doing.
This post was born out of a desire to laugh at myself.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence





Pez Outlaw Diary







Tuesday, June 20, 2017

The Sockology of Cell Phones #pezoutlaw #hollywood

I want to share a secret with you. One of the many quirks I have is that I wear 3 pairs of socks, 1 pair over the other every day. I can't explain this to you, I just do.

This is said to help you understand.  Do's n Don'ts of Socks If you have 2 socks n one is softer than the other one, which foot does the softer sock go on? The right foot is the correct answer. That this matters is the point. If I do not put the softer sock on my right foot it will bother the hell out of me till I correct it.  
Cell Phones

My entire adult life, I have despised telephones. They just annoy the hell out of me, what an absolute waste of time. I even ripped a wall phone off the wall n threw it out the back door once. That was back when I was young n didn't control my temper well.

I do not talk on cell phones or any other type of telephone. 
In the 1990s when I sold PEZ I talked on them all the time. I had no choice. 
To tell the truth though I had to speak so cryptically about my business, it would've been better n easier if I hadn't.
Now though, I just find them an annoying intrusion on my life.

I do own a flip type cell phone but I never turn it on, it's only for emergencies.

I can't tell you the number of people who are annoyed thinking that of course they should be an exception to my rule.

Friends for 20+ years. No.

My older brother after the Playboy story came out was very pissed because kathy told him that I would not talk to him on her phone.

Unnamed people concerning Pez Outlaw Diary n unnameable things about it. Very annoyed that surely they should be exceptions to the rule. Like somehow it's only for the story, surely not a real thing. No.

You are who you are. Don't fight the things others think are crazy, just get them done so you can move on.

Mirror Mirror On The Wall.
Whose The Fairest Of Us All? 

Things I Like
 
For several years when I was younger Kathy covered all the mirrors in the house with towels for me.
The reason was that it really messed up my head to look at myself.
I do not look at myself in the mirror, if I accidentally catch a glimpse, I block it out.

I avoid anyone who wants to take a picture of me and I don't look at pictures of myself.
I do sit for Christmas  family photo's, it's a tradition in Kathy's family.
Because it's important to Kathy I do it, but I don't look at them.

I prefer not to be referred to by any name, especially steven. 
You know how you speak to someone when you can't remember there name. 
Buddy, Hey or just plain ignoring any name, that's how I like it.

If you use my name, you sorta already pissed me off. 
I get over it, but it make things awkward for a minute. 
I know, what a whack job, if only that was all of it.

I dislike any form of external reference to myself that I'm exposed to.
The article in April 2015 Playboy, nope never read it.
The Movie, won't watch it. I will help write the book, but won't read it. 

Unlike photo's I do want the Movie and the Book and will help in any way I can to make them happen.
N yes if photo's are needed in or to promote the Movie n the Book, of course I will allow it.
As long as I don't have to look at them. 

All this boils down to my need for an abstract non entity that I project from.
I want no self image or markers to be labeled as or from.
I would prefer my thoughts, what I say n how I act are the only way I am viewed.

Mirrors, photo's n names are negatives n distractions from the inner me.
To me my mind is everything n the only thing I want to project.
My mind is the only thing I want to be remembered.

I'm not concerned with how others view me, it to is only a distraction.
Though I do accept that the perception of me by others is valid.
I do not argue with it, but your perception is yours not mine.

I've stated before that reality is a mutually agreed upon construct.
One that I don't necessarily agree with, I just play along.
To defy the agreed upon reality would mean self destruction.

That's why I think that there will be a Pez Outlaw movie.
You know, Why not.
To others it's, Oh that would never happen to someone like me.

Hell I'm not even sure any of this is real, so why not a Pez Outlaw Movie.
One thing is certain, none of this is real or important after I'm dead, so again Why Not a Pez Outlaw movie.
After all, Who remembers the first guy that brought down a Mastodon n that was a pretty big deal at the time.

Well that didn't get me locked on twitter.
So far, so good.
Fingers crossed.

There are things I'm told I should not like, to be honest I just don't care. 
Actually they make me laugh.



I have absolutely no interest in what I look like. For the record it's Santa Claus. I'm much more interested in a pure presentation to the world of myself not a physical presentation.

Inner strength, self confidence etc.

My  grand-kids squabble, one cries out she says i'm or should must do x, y or z.
How different this is from myself as a child. Someone said I was or had to do x, y or z.
My answer was always a defiant NO!

Nobody told me anything when I was a kid. I'd figure it out for myself, thank you very much.
Nothing has changed.



Technology

Kathy once bought a cordless telephone for her mother. Her mother refused to use it. After seeing most of the 20th centuries changes in technology, she had had enough change.

In the 1980s n early 1990s I was very geeked out by technology at the time, I loved it. I even had one of the early bag type cell phones, then paid tons for the first clam shell type phones.

Well like my mother in-law I'm now done. My current cell phone is a flip phone & I never turn it on.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence





Pez Outlaw Diary

Monday, June 19, 2017

Gabby Hayes King of Sidekicks #pezoutlaw #hollywood #NFTA


When Cowboys were King, George Francis "Gabby" Hayes was the King of sidekicks.
I'm going to write this as I remember it with zero research except the exact spelling of Gabby Hayes.
The reason is, I want my perspective n emotion about Gabby Hayes to come through.
Through the eyes of my youth.


I don't want to spoil my memories with a bunch of useless facts.
I prefer to keep my memories untouched by the trend of revisionist history.

Roy Rogers may have been King Of The Cowboys, most likely self branding by a studio.
But in this childs eyes Gabby Hayes was the King of the sidekicks, no discussion.
I may have dreamed of being Roy Rogers but in my heart I knew that I was Gabby Hayes.
Plus when your older brother picks first, guess what, your Gabby Hayes. 

Think about it, most of us are the sidekicks in our lives.
Very few of us were the #1 cool kid in our crowds, no we were the sidekicks.
Possibly another reason I identified with Gabby Hayes, only one high school quarterback per school after all.
Even in the hippie crowd of the 1960s there was a pecking order only one guy that wore the leather jacket with long fringe.
I was not the quarterback or the guy in the jacket with long fringe, I was Gabby Hayes, the sidekick.  
It's the old, Are you Betty or Veronica thing. Guys, Are you Roy Rogers or are you Gabby Hayes. 
I'm proud n always aspired to be a Gabby Hayes.

To me all the other cowboy sidekicks were who the studios went to if you could not get Gabby Hayes.
If a studio wanted there wannabe cowboy star to have a good launch, you got Gabby Hayes if possible.

George Francis "Gabby" Hayes was a New York taxi driver before he became a cowboy sidekick in the 1940s.
As a child I always thought Roy Rogers had to go with Pat Brady when he launched his TV show because Gabby Hayes was not available.


From a small child in the 1950s when Westerns were what we watched on TV, Gabby Hayes left a deep impression on me. I've thought a lot about him over the years.
In the 1970s n 1980s when I was still not accepting my true self, I read every book I could get my hands on about the Marx Brothers, because if you wanted to be cool you talked about the Marx Brothers.
I enjoyed the history of there lives and understood there work, but honestly I was more of a 3 Stooges Gabby Hayes kinda guy.

Once the cowboy thing took over TV in the 1950s, Gabby Hayes had his own syndicated show.
That might be the association my mind gets with Gaby Hayes n the 3 Stooges.




Funny thing is the older I get, The more I look like Gabby Hayes. 

That's why I've always said, because Gabby Hayes is dead I guess Bill Murray or Michael Keaton would be my choices to play me in The Pez Outlaw Movie.
I have an opinion, but I honestly don't care who plays Pez Outlaw.

I will admit I thought Nellie Bell was very cool n probably led to my lifelong love of jeeps. 
You had to be there to get that one.
Does that make Nellie Bell a sidekick, vehicle?

TV is my Friend




Born in 1951, I am the TV generation. I was raised by TV. 
TV for most of my life has been the one friend I could count on.

Things have changed a great deal in 64 years on TV.
The biggest being I no longer watch anything in real time.
More than that, I watch most 1 hour shows in about a half hour.
Half hour shows in at most 15 to 20 minutes.

Long drawn out Car and foot chase scenes bore me to death.
Long drawn out Fight scenes bore me.
Sharing our feelings scenes bore me.
The inevitable rehabilitation of a lead character sucks Hawkeye/MASH, Gibbs/NCIS.
Who are you trying to impress. You got the ratings because we liked them the way they were.

New ways of watching TV lose me, I went along up to and including DISH TV and DVD's.
Now thumb drives. Hulu, Netflix on demand. On line only. Enough already!
Seriously Why?
If it's not good enough to be on regular TV I don't want to hear about it.

I read EW magazine for the TV section, the minute I notice that a show is being reviewed on Amazon, Netflix, Showtime, Starz, HBO only I'm gone. No longer interested. Put it on regular TV, then we can talk.

I will tell you this much DISH Network. The new thing is dumping cable or dish type TV and just getting content from Netflix etc. Sorta reminds me of the moment that people realize they no longer needed land line telephones, that there cell phone was more than enough.
DISH TV about $100.00 per month vs Netflix approx $20.00 per month, you do the math.
Dish that $100.00 a month does not even get you the premium channels (HBO, Showtime etc).
The $20.00 per month for Netflix gets you everything.
DISH Network your greed will be your undoing, to say that you are not competitive is so so so an understatement of the facts.
DISH Network you need to find a way that if someone is paying you $100.00 a month that they get everything. $100.00 a month should be the premium platinum plan.

On another topic last night I started watching a series on The History Channel. 

I immediately started feeling disappointed.

I'm not going to be specific about what show. Ya know, why be that way.

2 main reasons.

1. The people they chose for on camera comments did not represent real America. They said the words but no way did I believe that they would stand by those words if push came to shove. In many cases they represented a bias that is being forced on Americans. Enough about that, I was just disappointed, we'll leave it at that.

2. Old blatantly incorrect accounts were perpetuated for convenience. You've got to watch that show on AHC that goes into facts vs fiction to get this part.

If I can't watch it using just ONE remote control for the TV etc. Not interested.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence





Pez Outlaw Diary

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Asylum Crack Weasel #pezoutlaw #hollywood

RELEASE THE CRACK WEASEL!

I just finished writing a post so boring I didn't even want to read it, so I turned a Crack Weasel loose in my brain. The objective being to see what the little bastard turns up.
My brain being pictured here as a massive empty warehouse with one 60 watt bulb lighting the middle, one lone chair beneath it.
Into that I released the Crack Weasel.

Like a Drive Time DJ I've got my cast of characters to elevate my show.
Zombies, Commie Pinko's n Crack Weasel. 
All are an attempt to take my mind off that which I mustn't speak. 
Snakes On The Ceiling  was an attempt to shed some light.
51% Sane   was in some ways an apology.
Pez Outlaw Diary  is the angst n pain on full display.
BOOOOOM! My Head Just Exploded. was a high/low point.
If It Hadn't Been For  was a lone truth.

Other than that they have been distractions, amusement.   

Of all the words I've written. 
One of my favorite lines is.
Vanity got the only life preserver on that ship of fools.

Will there be a Pez Outlaw Book?
Will there be a Pez Outlaw Movie?
Neither is in my control. Which by the way is frustrating as hell.

I try to keep Pez Outlaw relevant by doing the things that brought the initial interest.
Notes From The Asylum is the PR arm for the Pez Outlaw project.
But truth is, I'm no longer in charge of the fate of Pez Outlaw.
The best I can hope to do is influence at the edges.
The whims of others control Pez Outlaws fate.

All that said I'm grateful.


After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence





Pez Outlaw Diary

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Above Standard #pezoutlaw

Is a performance level of above standard actually a good thing?
Sets a pretty low bar, don't you think.

Seems to me that it's saying. 
At the level of acceptable behavior, you buddy are a notch above.

Am I to be proud of just being a tad above standard?
I suppose it beats mediocre.

I think I just got a trophy for showing up.

Hey Mom, aren't you proud of me now. I'm above standard.

My excitement at receiving this rating prompts me to tell the world, you too are all Above Standard.

Thank you ebay. I'm just so proud.

While we're on the subject of being Above Standard.
For the life of me I do not understand or know how to use instagram.
Seems like you just get a handle on one thing n they invent a new thing to confuse the hell outa you.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence





Pez Outlaw Diary

Friday, June 16, 2017

Tractor Legs #pezoutlaw #hollywood

Horsepoo - any day on a tractor is a good day.

vo·ca·tion
noun: vocation;
a strong feeling of suitability for a particular career or occupation.

Vocation n Vacation have more in common than you think.
If your vocation is the thing you enjoy doing.
Then your life is a vacation.

People tell me about there planned vacations.
I tellem I really don't go anywhere anymore.
Did that.

I have created the life I love. 
I no longer feel a need to travel for happiness. 
It's a Tractor thing, beside I got Billy n Po for diversion. 


Gotta go, time to fire up the tractor. 
Horse Poo waits for no man.
Time to enjoy myself, after this brief note.

Writing here is my hobby.
Horse Poo is my vocation.
When I retreat/retire from this, farm work will be my full-time job.

We have 6 pastures n 17.5 horses.
Every spring I have the task of cleaning up all the winter buildup of horse manure.
Believe it or not I enjoy this task.

So far I've gotten 3 of the pens in shape.
It takes roughly 4 hrs per pen just to get the manure over the fence.
Then another 6+ hrs to get it down the hill for my building projects.

Being on the tractor that much really isn't hard.
I enjoy working with manure n dirt.
Although you do get tractor legs.

Tractor legs are how your legs set up a bit from  sitting work n vibration.
You kinda get off n gotta walk around a bit so you don't look funny walking.
I've had a serious case of Tractor legs for over a week now.

Not complaining, actually it's kinda a brag.
I've been getting outside a bit after noon each day.
No problem at all with  that.

I find great enjoyment in my landscaping projects that I use the horse poo for.
I could actually use 4 times as much poo as the horses give me.
Two of my projects are actually quite large.

Within the next week I plan to seed the new wild flower stands.
Last years trial plot was amazingly beautiful.
I plan to expand from 1 plot to at least 4.

On a sidenote I'm very please with the progress of the raspberries I planted last year.
I've already expanded the raspberries from 20 feet to 60 feet.
The type of bush I selected is perfect for my soil n light.

Future projects are fruit trees n grapevines.
I'll still have some veggies but my new direction is fruit. 
As always it's money slowing my plans.

Thank God Horse Poo is Free n Plentiful.
Gotta go
It's Tractor Time.

Interesting thing just happened.
Got a twitter follow from KenneyMachinery @MachineryAH follows you

I bet they know what I mean when I talk about Tractor Legs.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence





Pez Outlaw Diary




Thursday, June 15, 2017

Dirt #pezoutlaw #hollywood #NFTA


I hate to admit to you that lately I've been having fantasies about DIRT. 
Big Lovely piles of DIRT that I can scoop n move around with my tractor. 
Whom I kidding, I'm always having fantasies about DIRT.
Massive piles of Bank Run to move with my tractor.
Piles of crushed concrete n crushed limestone.
Shouldn't ask, but I will. 
Is it normal to have dirt fantasies?

I think dirt is fun, working in Dirt is my form of meditation.
Lately those dreams have been an internal controversies about crushed concrete as a base topped with bankrun.
Pros n Cons.

My second dream summer would be to move bank run around the farm every day, all day.
Bank run is the gravel mix that the county puts on dirt roads.
I'd just have my guy at Felski's make a big pile, when he sees it's getting low, bring some more.

Here's the thing.
Rain brings mud, horses have well traveled areas.
The ground they use a lot gets awful messed up.
The plan is to create year round firm areas for them to walk on.
We had mud for about a week here in early February, then it flash froze, the ground became a pocked up mess.
Very hard on the horses to walk on, hard to drive the tractor on.

These well traveled areas by horses is also where they poop.
If I create firm ground, skimming the surface to remove the poo would also be easier.

My first dream summer was helping Larry build our big horse barn n Arena.  
I enjoyed the work, plus it served as my reentry to a good work ethic.   
During my Pez years I got soft n kinda citified.
I had to relearn how to put work boots n gloves on again, become useful to Kathy again.
Nothing shakes depression like really hard work.
It's just not possible to be depressed when you are bone tired with a sense of accomplishment.
If your depressed dig a hole, keep digging till you feel better, then bury it.

You wanna get your shit together, try following Larry around working.
Larry will wear your ass out, he'll still be going n he's a few years older'n me.

I wanted to write about the other man who influenced my work ethic, My Father.
My father was not a perfect man, but who among us is.
I was thinking about it last night, sometimes the people who judge others, honestly have no right.
Here's what I mean n I'm sorry if it offends, I'm trying to give perspective not offense.
There are people who lead an entire life removed from the harsher elements of every day life.
Example;
You buy all your meat from the store, you never killed n butchered your own meat.

You buy new cars, My dad never owned a new car n he fixed his own.
Dad once made one truck out of two very broke trucks.
Dad made a truck out of a blue 1956 ford station wagon.

You get your heat from the furnace. 
Dad cut wood most of his adult life.
I cut wood for 25 years. 
My son Josh currently cuts wood.

Your sewer goes out a pipe n your done.
My dad dug his own septic system and repaired it as both my son n I do.
I've been covered in human shit a few times n I'm a guy who doesn't like shaking hands.
Let's just say serious procedures were followed to regain cleanliness and clothing was thrown away.
Irregardless of phobias a job needed doin so I did what I had to do.

The point is some folks make it through life without living in the harder side of it. 
Living a harder life is not a choice for some of us.
The hard life requires the ability to do hard things n if you didn't or don't live on the harder side of life, please refrain from judging those who must.

I no longer judge my father, I have lived some of the life he did now.
Instead I forgive his shortcomings n focus on the good n that was his ability n willingness to work very hard for us.
My father accepted the burden of some pretty nasty jobs, things I've become familiar with as an adult.
My father was a good man with a very good work ethic.
I find I'm more like my father than I thought as a young man.
Love? But I definitely respect him.
In life he paid for his sins, I choose to only remember the good.

I believe in hard work.
Hard work cleanses the soul.
I've told you that in June I will be 65 n I want to retire.
Retire to me is that I go out at 10am every day, fire up the tractor n work till 7pm.
Not just the tractor though, repair fix n create as needs must.
Basically lead a real n useful life to those I love.

It's not good enough to realize you were wrong, a real man states it publicly to correct the record. 
By the same token, if your not wrong, you stand your ground Pez Corporation. 
Rudy dog would never forgive me if I wimped out, so Pez Corp we continue to the end. 
As much as I'd like this to be over Pez Corp, I wouldn't respect myself if I let it go.
Until the last dog barks Pez Corp n the dirt is thrown on. 
If need be I will fight what Pez Corp did by targeting n destroying my life to n with my very last breath.  I will not yield on this.
15 years says my word on this is to be believed. 
Sometimes even reluctantly, being a man means you fight when absolutely necessary. 
Pez Corp, I will use the truth as my way of fighting. 

Sorry for that, felt the need.
Going out to start the Tractor up.


After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence





Pez Outlaw Diary




Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Another Day in Paradise #pezoutlaw #hollywood.

for the record. yesterday was the worst day of the year. 
weather wise. even smokey horse had to come in. 
weeks of rain n mud climaxing in rain, snow, wind, cold n mud.
Smokey Horse /old stumpy had had enough n was shivering.
When old stumpy is shivering, it's bad.
Of course he came in to a dry stall for the night then promptly redecorated everything by morning.
1st day in several years that Smokey gave in n had to come in, that says a lot about how terrible the weather was yesterday.


Days keep ticking down.
Nothing to show for it.

I'm outa sink with reality. 
How do I reconcile belief.

It was the view from the Asylum.
The struggle, a path not chosen.

Run to safety.
Mediocrities shines.

Words spoken but never asked.
Acceptance is all that's left.

Catch the pony.
Ride the dream.

Tomorrow shines Bright.


About every other week I think that I've written about everything I could possibly have to say.
Then life hands me a new post.

The Asylum in Notes From The Asylum is about being diminished/relegated to the purgatory of my own mind.
The Notes are thoughts I smuggle out of the prison of my mind.

This process is very odd for others to watch.
Know me long n you know my words are chosen, not random.
My words have purpose, especially when I seem to be rambling.
Other times my words are just building walls to keep people out or placate.
I call that Verbal Wallpaper or just wallpapering. 

The other day in answer to a question I was told.
Keep doing what you're doing.
That I can do. 

*******************

Today's a very big day which required a very big push.
In less than 2yrs Notes From The Asylum has passed all other endeavors.
The success of NFTA has been at a near rate of 10x.
Very proud today. 

"Notes From The Asylum" Done, mission accomplished. NFTA Now Rules The Universe. #pezoutlaw #hollywood.

******************* 

Basics

The process of getting back to basics as a person is essential to survival when life gets rough.
People around me may have money but I will never carry money again in my life.
I just want to securely maintain my little world n meander around within it.
I'm at peace with that. 

Of all the things I've built or created over the last 20yrs I'm proudest of this building.
This project was the perfect exercise of finding the good within the bad.
I created a silk purse out of a sows ear by taking a building that was a total eyesore n turning it into a tight building.
Truly proud of it n never tire of looking at it.
If you know the whole story, This building represents the best of who I am now.
see  Fence Post, post. #pezoutlaw #hollywood @pezoutlaw...

my Tweets earned 98,229 impressions over the last 28 days

When you ask to be friended or follow me, make sure it's what you really want, because I'm relentless in pursuit of my goals.
After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence





Pez Outlaw Diary




Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Rodeo Clown #pezoutlaw #hollywood #slovakia


There was a rodeo clown named Bill.
Who tried to push a rock up a hill.
pez outlaw

Day after day he pushed it up that slope.
Chasing a dream built on hope.

Decades went by without remorse.
Bill stayed the course.

He really didn't mind.
Because he expected to be paid in kind.

Everybody thought Bill was crazy.
He felt to give up would be lazy.

Each day he'd put on his makeup.
Hoping one day only to wakeup.

Bill did the only thing he knew how to do.
He kept faith with his dream believing it was true. 

If Bill had just stayed in his barrel
He'd never have seen the peril.

The title is Rodeo Clown n his name is Bill but I call him Joe.
Only people that really know me will get that one.
*******************************
The fact remains 
Every day we wake up n put on our makeup
Then Face each new day with renewed hope

Very seldom does that day see reward
Usually we lose ground
But we don't give up

Where does optimism come from
Do we believe because hope is all we have
Or is belief in eventual victory that strong

Choice rarely enters into it
Our fate is set
The groove to deep

Yesterday was a pretty rough day.
I won't relive it here.
To do so would only continue the cycle.

from The Muck Bucket n RB EQUESTRIAN


Reasons are usually excuses assigned to the unnameable.
I've found that when I'm angry I just grab whatever's handy.
Truth is, it's alway's deeper. 
When I realized that truth is when I stopped screaming.

Not allowed to scream.
Not allowed to cry.
Causes to much pain.

So you become a rodeo clown.
A painted on smile, to show the world.

How ya doin buddy?
Doin great, just great.

People ask, but I guarantee you nobody really want to know.
N why should they, they've got there own shit.

We care but really do we have to care that much
Can we please just move on.

Not a big brain day.
Yesterday I wouldna written a letter to a skunk.

It's gonna be another bad hair day.
Hey what's the damn point of having angst or being tormented if you don't share. 

Had some good news
Shoulda been over the moon

It's a pretty deep hole
I'm still climbing  

So I paint up n get to pushing
Fate is earned not given 

There are no sick days at the Asylum.
Just pudding. 

When my brain falters.
I have to work in bites not meals. 

Pain is evidence you're still alive.
Crazy requires proof. 

I'd like to say a prayer for CAKE.

This ones for my friends in Slovakia. 

PS.
I'm just waiting for the person that stands in front of me n says, Well sure but it was easy for you.
I'll punch that fool in the nose.
 

When you ask to be friended or follow me, make sure it's what you really want, because I'm relentless in pursuit of my goals.
After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence





Pez Outlaw Diary






Own Who You Are. #pezoutlaw #hollywood @pezoutlaw

Own Who or What You Are. Be The Writer Of How The World Views You

When you clicked on this you opened the door to the Asylum.
So if you made a mistake, I will pause for a moment while you run for your sanity.



OK, we're back.

Notes from the Asylum is about the Twisty turns of the mind, picking up discarded things from the floor of your mind. Dusting them off n looking at them. that's the intent part.

The interpretation part is what you the reader are bringing to the table as you read this.
Well now that I've put us both down this rabbit hole, how do I get us out of here?

I guess I'm saying that the Asylum is a thought experiment. 
Playing with the mind in public.
Oh Yeah n it amuses me.

Your interpretation might be different, fair enough.
Last night I was watching something on tv n it involved crazy.
I got feeling kinda bad for some people who are trying to deal with crazy n not winning.
I've sorta found a middle ground with crazy, one I think I'm coping with.

I've decided to use crazy as a skill set, instead of letting it use me.
65yrs n it doesn't look like crazy is going away any time soon.
So I can either be a victim or figure out how to make crazy carry it's share of the work.
I'm not afflicted by crazy, crazy is an integral part of who I am.
The crazy in me is what makes me unique.
Crazy is what gives me a very different perspective on life n living it.

You can try for a lifetime to outrun crazy n never win.
You can give up, medicate n be crazies victim.
I choose to find the good in something I can not escape.
Each part of crazy has it's own unique assets if you look hard enough.

I've tried a lifetime to imitate others, be like you.
Guess what, it made me miserable n I failed to be like you.
Well if I can't outrun this Bastard then maybe I'd better do my best to make peace with him.
When you try to outrun crazy you just give him more power over you.
I've decided to meet with crazy n allow him to share my voice.
Keep your enemies close, so you can keep a better eye on them.

It took almost 30 years. Others aren't as lucky.
I make lite of it cause it's part of the coping.
I do not make lite of the struggle others are facing n do not suggest what works for me would work for anyone else.
Hopefully though some might find encouragement in the things I write.
I also want to remove the stigma attached to crazy.
We are unique n I don't mean special like that.
I mean sincerely that we bring a rare unique view with different approaches to things.

Own Who or What You Are. Be The Writer Of How The World Views You.
Which is why I avoid mirrors. I do not want any physical representation in what I project as who I am.
****************************************************

Below is a post that failed to get the required # of views to stand on it's own.
I put it here though because it contains info that might be useful.

Jeff Maysh #pezoutlaw #hollywood

Jeff Maysh seemed disappointed when my thoughts regarding my youth for the Pez Outlaw book were at best my disinterest.
Here's my reason.
I have a very strong dislike of my past, I don't like who I was at all.
You name the time period, all I have for it is regret n sadness.

I find thinking about my past very unsettling mentally.
I've worked very hard every day of my life to be better than who I was yesterday.
Memories of who I was only get in the way of who I want to be.

BUT!
I've got what I think is a really good solution to this obstacle.
As we know everybody colors there memories of the past so that they can live with themselves.
Therefore a lot of Biographies seem a bit self serving.

A more accurate version of who we were is in the eyes of those around us at the time.
Which brings me to my idea.
I think Jeff should use his recorder on my 4 brothers n get them to tell it.
The way my brothers saw me would I feel tell the story more accurately.

If it's written from my point of view it will just be self serving.
My youth as seen by my brothers, I think might tell a more interesting story.
I can live with the way they saw it.

I don't fear the truth of my past.
I just don't want to relive it.
My only thoughts are of today n tomorrow.
I block out as much of my past as I can.
If a memory of the past creeps into my mind, I go into overdrive to push it out.

In the 1990s I listened to motivational speakers on tape.
Part of the reason I was able to even be Pez Outlaw.
The motivational guy I liked best referred to bad memories you dredge up to sabotage yourself as weeds.

Here's the thing for me about thinking about the past. 
I'm good for a few seconds but then my mind segues to the worst thought it can, just to screw with me.
Being aware that this is how my mind works I just head the whole process off by not thinking about the past at all.

So let my brothers tell it n that way I don't have to think about it.
I'm good with who my brothers saw me as.
You can include Doug Wallet for my drinking n drug years.

My battle with the demons in my head were not seen by most.
Only Kathy knows.
It's always been in my head, rarely seen by the world around me. 

Which is also why recent entreaties to relive old angers n hatreds seem trivial.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence





Pez Outlaw Diary




Monday, June 12, 2017

Hermitology #pezoutlaw #hollywood @pezoutlaw

Would someone please explain to me why I'm supposed to be nice to people I don't want around me. 
I just don't get why saying, Who are you n why are you here is wrong.
Seems logical to me to then say, you need to leave.
People are always saying they prefer honesty, but you know, they really don't. 

Recently a salesman asked me why he was here.
I told him, that's what I'd like to know.
By the way, that went over really well. 
I spend a lot of time in the Dog House.
So as you might guess I'm not allowed to talk to people sometimes.

Rule #1. No pictures of me. The minute you try or do we are done. I will just walk away.
If you need a pic, use the image below.

For over a decade now, I have rarely left the farm. 
My Amish friend Henry travels way more than I do.
I have horses but unlike Henry I do not go anywhere on them.
I'm not agoraphobic because I do go outside, just not off my property. 

Oh yeah n I do not talk on telephones.
No idea what a shrink labels that one.
Last but not least, I do not like having my picture taken.
Which is why my online image is inverted/a negative.
I lied, I also don't like to shake hands.

Quite a switch I know. In the 1990s I traveled constantly, All over Canada, Europe, even South Africa and Australia.

Now I rarely leave the farm, except for a trip to Menard's every few months, but honest to god that's about it.

When the Playboy article came out I was warned it would change my life, mmmmmmm, never noticed a thing.
I suppose if I used telephones or ventured into the world I might have.

Have you heard how people case your home via facebook to see when you're not home?
Well me n the dogs are always here, ALWAYS!
I have also strategically placed methods of persuasion all over the farm, that is besides the dogs.

Gotta tell you a story.
While at the gas station buying gas to mow. yes for El Diablo I used a telephone n I left my property. What can I say, you wanna beat the devil it takes extraordinary actions.
While pumping the gas I struck up a conversation with the guy accross from me pumping gas to mow.
The conversation was him. Never sharpened my blades so many times in one summer.
Me. Usually you mow (here in Michigan) every 5 days in the spring n every 10 days in fall. I'm still mowing once a week. He mows 4 acres, me 3.5 hrs per mowing.


Again at TSC to buy water softener salt etc.
I struck up a conversation with a forklift operator, about the pros n cons of planting fruit trees in the fall.

I like 5 minute conversations with strangers, you can be friendly n openly honest without the repercussions of people you will ever see again. repercussions as in someone wanting to or taking it as you wanting a friend, I do not.

1,000 Strangers

I'm kind of embarrassed to admit to you that I find it much easier to share m feelings or have friendship with 1,000 strangers than one person.

I know people that are in desperate need of friendship, they have not chosen to be alone. I feel very bad for them even if I have no understanding of there need.

I am perfectly content with one friend Kathy and my family dogs n horses.

Casual relationships beyond that suite me. I also enjoy this vague relationship of the internet.
I enjoy talking to the unknown.

I Like Facebook it suites me to a T.
I like the detachment of facebook.
I can talk to anyone I want, anywhere in the world yet take my time to formulate my thoughts. I can use words like formulate.
You know how you really prefer watching a movie on TV as apposed to a theater because you can pause it to pee or get something to eat or drink. Same thing.
Also facebook is the purest medium for talking to people with just your mind, if you choose.
I also do not have to do it at a specific time, to the annoying ring of a phone, nor do I have to leave my farm to do it.

On twitter but like my phone I rarely turn it on.
So if you want or need to talk to me, facebook is the only place that is likely to happen.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence





Pez Outlaw Diary

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Machiavellian #pezoutlaw #hollywood

When I was a child all was well hidden. I long for the days of ignorance.

Today we are told what we see playing out before our very eyes is actually an illusion.

At first blush we think, oh how cool n refreshing, then we are made privy to the Machiavellian reasons behind it.

Personally I preferred ignorance, enlightenment is so disillusioning.

I wish this was about just one thing but it seems to be happening over n over, the norm.

What is the world coming to when reality is a fictitious play.

The care to detail n complexity of the deceit that is passing as reality is frightening.

I always knew I did not know what was going on behind the curtain, now though the play is being put on in public.

Innocence was bliss.


After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence





Pez Outlaw Diary

Saturday, June 10, 2017

MOE-RON #pezoutlaw #hollywood

MOE-RON!
I wish I could make that even bigger.

I love that country song that says money won't buy me happiness but it will buy me a truck.
OK he says boat first.
I love that song.

This was a postscript on another post but I decided that I had an opinion on it.

The wisdom of the masses is supposed to be that "money won't buy you happiness".
I guarantee you though that lack of money will give you no end of unhappiness.

I honestly believe that rich folk came up with that bit of moron (pronounced MOE-RON) to try to keep the huddled masses pacified.
We are told to seek internal wisdom n peace while rich folk seek what little money we have.

Can't have poor folk storming the walls of rich folks castles.

I've been poor, matter of fact twice now. In between I had money.
Let me tell you I was a damn sight happier with money to pay my bills than I am without.

I think rich folk are trying to reason with the poor on a philosophical level.
Granted the thought is enlightened but if you can't pay your bills, it makes you miserable. Sometimes physically ill.

I'm also tired of very rich people on both sides of the isle who run for political office pretending that they could possibly have any real idea what being poor actually feels like.

So you know, Shut The F**k Up. Will ya please.
cause, money won't buy me happiness but it will buy me a truck.

I told you, I can have an opinion.

Hey maybe I should write greeting cards.
I see a prosperous future.


After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence





Pez Outlaw Diary

Friday, June 9, 2017

Grab Your Tin Foil Hat #timetraveler #pezoutlaw #hollywood #NFTA

I KNEW IT!


Postscript.

Last night I got to thinking about this post.
2 problems came up.
1. If I went back to 1976, I'd have to ask Kathy where I worked.
You see during this time period I moved around within my trade a bit.

2. I just could not bare working in the shop again.
So the realistic solution would be to just go back to 1998.
Once there I would cancel all plans to create n buy the Misfit Pez From Pez Corporation. 
I would take the $250,000 cash on hand n build the Horse Arena 12 years earlier.

Avoiding near bankruptcy n 18 years in the wilderness.
The restoration of almost 18 years would be enough.
Regrettably if I went back in time n changed the last 18 years, we would not be here talking today. 
I would though happily make that trade.


The premise is this.
Say it was possible to travel back in time to a younger you but with the experience you have now.
So my 65 year old brain would be in my 19 year old body in 1970.
This would lead to many dilemmas.

First off I don't give a shit about all the rules of time travel argued on Dr Who n Big Bang Theory.
Throw them out from the git, if I'm gonna do this, my rules.
So my thoughts here will not be constrained by "agreed upon rules of time travel".
My dilemmas will all be personal.

The thought of time traveling back to a younger me crosses my mind a lot.
I'd love the chance to live my life better.
One, I was a very angry trouble young man.
I'd love to share that part of my life as a better person.

Would I go back to my early teens n be a better student n not drop out of High school?
Would I go back to the day I met Kathy n be a better man from day one?
Would I go back to 1998 n not buy the 1/2 million in Pez from Pez Corporation?
To me, these are my choices.

Teenager no way in hell, plus I'd have to wait to long to meet Kathy.
Although I do run some of the conversations I'd have with my mother.
If I went back in time there are 2 people who'd believe me my mother n Kathy.
Other'n that being a teenager again, Hell No.

1998?
To short a time.
Only impacting one pivotal point seems a waste.
Plus Kathy deserves more.

The old switcheroo.
Not the day I met Kathy but after Moriah was born.
Those first years good n bad are to key to who we are n the longevity of our relationship.
Plus I would do nothing that might alter my family.

So we get to the conversation.
Kathy gets home from the hospital after having Moriah n I tell her that I'm from the future.
Honestly, I think I could get her to believe me, because for one she's not stupid.
The difference in the brain of the person that was standing before her would be like night n day.

Once Kathy was on board we'd slowly start the changes.
I wouldn't tell anyone else.
Though I would tell Virgil to keep his eyes out for Microsoft n Apple.
Virgil liked stocks.

The changes.
We had goats, pigs, chickens, rabbits, sheep n a few cows.
All gone or never entered into.
Get Kathy to Horses STAT.

Kathy's knowledge n joy of horses is now n would have been back then if I could do a do over, Key to our lives.
All the money we wasted in other directions would be put into building a Horse Arenas as soon as possible.
I would support all her dreams n quests for knowledge. 
On this she was especially right, plus it gives her joy.

Dogs.
We had sight hounds n about every other breed.
Skip all that n get Mastiffs n a Dachshund. 
Save a lot of unnecessary aggravation.

Ok that taken care of we get to me, the shop n my obsessions.
I'd leave the shop as soon as I could but not as soon as I'd most likely like. 
In this go round I left the shop in 1994.
This would be the worst part, having to go back n work in the shop for even 1 more day.

My obsessions.
I bought everything from comics, 78 records, toys, McDonalds, etc.
Skip it all.
All roads led to Pez, so get to it right away.

If I'd just bought $10 a week of current Pez starting in 1975, we'd have gotten to the point quicker.
1994 was the start date is 15 years x 52 weeks x $10 a week = $7,800 worth of pez to launch things.
By then Kathy's Horse world would already be a key player.
So the pez thing could be just another player.

4 years later In 1998.
instead of spending 3/4 of a million on pez, 1/2 million specifically on Misfits etc.
1/2 million was debt n earnings from buy leaving 1/4 million for Kathy's Horse projects.
Buildings, equipment, driveways etc. Like I will now if they make the Pez Outlaw movie.

Other than that.
Kathy would have had a more loving, stable n supportive partner for 20 more years of our lives together. 
That would be the best part.


You ask people, If you could go back in time n change anything, would you?
The noble answer is always, not a thing.
What Bull shit.
I'd change a hell of a lot.

Kathy really didn't wanna hear this.
Fare enough.
Kathy said Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda. 
No way, this is the topic today.

Think of it this way.
You could be watching a kitten play with string.
Or I could write this n you read it.
Probably equal wastes of time.

I write about what plagues my mind.
By writing it, I purge it. 
Freeing my mind to meander forth.
AH, sweet freedom.

Kathy said "What's the deal with Zombies"?
I told her that they're funny. OH!
Hap n Leonard still not doin so good.
Bones in the crawl space? 




After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence





Pez Outlaw Diary




Thursday, June 8, 2017

The Booby Hatch #pezoutlaw #hollywood

I play with crazy daily, because it amuses me.
Metaphorically I wait in my padded room wearing this years most fashionable straight jacket.




I wait for word on the next chapter of my life.

I wait for the words that announce the beginning, that in turn creates the interest in the thing that leads to what an average nobody could never dream of as there reality.

Again I'm asked, Are you ready for what's coming. Pardon my French but hell yes I'm ready. I've been waiting ten years, of course I'm ready. Can we please finally just do this thing.

Life is absurd.
I've traveled the world.
I've literally earned over 4.5 million in a decade.
Then returned to poverty.

I've Spent the last decade hatching my revenge on the absurdity of Life.

I've been famous in my own little world. I know the mistakes I made. I'm ready for my closeup CB.

Until that day I wait in my mental cell here in the Asylum passing notes under the door with no idea if there's just a pile of notes on the other side or if they are being picked up n read.


After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence





Pez Outlaw Diary

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Buy Me A Boat #pezoutlaw #hollywood #NFTA

So I can cut it up? 

Well there at it again.
They just keep cutting up perfectly good boats.
Just this morning I heard a new one for Flex Tape.
You guessed it, they cut a boat in half n taped it together with Flex Tape.
Then they put the boat on the water to show how good there Flex Tape is.

If I hadn't written this 3 months ago, I'd have written it again today.
So I re-posted it.

It struck me last night that there seems to be an odd fetish with boats n $19.95 TV products.

Who was it that decided the most effective way to prove something involved a boat.
Is it like, well we will use a boat to establish hands down no rebuttal that our product is the best.

Is it a fear of water thing? Use a boat, show them that we got there backs.

You've got the infamous TV commercial where they cut the bottom out of a boat n  put a screen door in it. OK that's crazy, I like it. Then you spray the screen door with the product n show a guy on a lake, Safe as Houses. Ok a truth in my rant. I was surprised to hear that this same spray "rubber" was being used to protect houses in flooding areas. Kinda cool.

Under the category of. Well it worked for them.
Now you have the glue that can bond "anything". That only hardens after you shine a UV light or something on it. Well you guessed it, out comes a boat, but this time they cut the boat in half.
Use the glue to put it back together n there's that guy on the lake again.
I feel safer already.

It truly is amazing what you can buy on TV for $19.95. But wait, call now n we will double your order. You get Two.
Crazy thing is, I want both of them.

I have to admit that I really like these TV Commercials, maybe more than is healthy.

Money may not buy happiness but it will buy me a boat. Then, good little redneck that I am, I'm gonna cut it in half and put a screen door in the bottom of it. Cause I sure do love those commercials.


If they make a movie out of the Pez Outlaw story.
First three things I'm buying with my millions. (inside Joke. I'd probably clear $35,000)
1. A case of that spray stuff, Lying 2 cases.
2. A bunch of that UV light magic glue.
3. 5 years worth of survival food.
OK there's a 4 n 5.
4. A generac propane generator.
5. Wind n solar methods of producing electricity.

That's after I pay all debts.
You see my hit in 1998/Pez was like the rest of the US's hit in 2008.
I just got hit a decade ahead of you all.
It changed me like 2008 changed you.
My goal is to be self sufficient.

Wanna know a secret? I really don't care how good these posts are, it tickles me to write them.
New Redneck Survival Kit.
Meals Ready To Eat, Duct Tape, Zip Ties, Rubbery Spray and UV Light Glue.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence





Pez Outlaw Diary

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

1st Known Photo of Pez Outlaw #pezoutlaw #hollywood

1951, The Arrival of Pez Outlaw.
Yeah, that was me back in 47, oops.
pez outlaw
My 1st n earliest memory as a child was being in a fever state.
My whole body felt like it was wrenching.
Almost like a rejection of this existence.

I've tried to go back n make sense of it, but I can't. 
I've always wondered if the first n last moments of life are somehow connected.
Like a bridge in time.
 
To this day the memory is vivid.
I've never told anyone about that, not even Kathy.
Sorta fitting that I told it here in the Asylum first.

Do you want to know something that'll give you a reality check?
Explaining this post to Kathy, I said out of deference.
Fugue state you know how bipolar people get, like it didn't include me.

I got a really blank stare. 
Perception of my reality took a hit.
Honey I don't get that way? answer, sometimes. 

I just don't know what to do with that.
How you see yourself, is not how others see you.
I'm not medicated or under a doctors care, but I guess I am indulged/tolerated.

Collision of Thought

Father to Son.
The Cat Lady is on her 3rd home. 
Words become orphans.
Tick Tock, Tick Tock.

I've heard of restless leg
Heard of restless hand, Superior Donuts
Is Restless Brain a thing?
Cause I think I got it.

I prayed for CAKE last night.
Got up n there was CAKE.
Pretty quick turn around on a prayer.
It usually doesn't work like that.

Do I Keep fiddling with it?
Gender insecurity aside.
Is it possible to seem more crazy?
Let's test that.

When at a crossroad.
Do you let your mind come out n play?
There is no point.
Which is not the point.

I'm standing on the 3rd story ledge.
Waiting for news that talks me down.
Roller coasters n Airports.
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.

Thank You
I appreciate that question
I hoped someone would ask me about that
Next question

Anxiety doesn't change anything.
Then again, I had a cool pic.
Also had a good title.
So, I write the words.

In a recent conversation Big words was the topic.
To use or not to use Big words, THAT is the question.

My official stance on the use of Big words is, ehhh whatever.
The words you use to make a point should be precise, understandable n get to the dirt.

You can talk for 10 minutes n say nothing.
Or, you can use a few sentences n get right there.

Of course I'm not one to talk because I talk in circles n use riddles.
That's my job though, to expound on the notions that drift through my mind.

There is no script, just find the manner that suits you.
To the point, speak in a manner that makes you comfortable. 

I find myself using my fathers voice more n more.
A natural drift to where I came from.

My writing structure is made up.
I'm told my grammar is poor.

Hell I make up words as it suits me.
Find your voice, convey the thought, keep it simple.

Words will not ingratiate you with fancy folks.
Let your thoughts stand for you in judgement.

We live in fear of judgement.
I prefer to present my thoughts unhindered by self image.

Since the age of 5, I haven't given a tinkers damn what anybody thought of me. 
Obsessing over will they like me sabotages any shot at finding out who you are.

That's not to say I liked myself, because I did not.
I've only begun to like myself in the last decade.

My journey has been n is a quest for change.
I strive every day to be a better person.

Present your mind to people.
Your appearance will betray you.

Your mind, purity of thought.
That's where you make your stand.

Look at me, you see some old shit kicker.
Listen to me, I hope you get a different take.

One truth is not in my hands.
Your perception is yours n I can't change it.

Circles n Puzzles.
I warned ya.

I really like the idea that Pez Outlaw traveled here from another dimension.
The transition from his world to this was just to much n Pez Outlaw ended up in the Asylum he writes to you from now. 

I can tell you one thing for sure.
If I still had my spaceship n could go back in time n change just 1 thing.
I'd go back to 1998 n never buy the Pez Outlaw collection.
641 Pez Outlaw Collection
courtesy of  Phyllis Shafer Oreck


$250,000.00 on new original design product, color variations, crystals n glow in the dark Pez.
$250,000.00 on old stock to qualify for previous sentence.

The biggest mistake bar none I made in this lifetime was to try n go legit by buying 1/2 million dollars of Pez From Pez Corporation in 1998.
So yes if I could go back in time, I'd never have done that.
Of course that would also mean that the Pez Hobby would never have seen Crystals or Glow in the Dark pez.
It would also mean that Scott McWhinnie would not have been forced into retirement.

I smuggled 2 million Pez this way n that into the USA.  
Over an 11 year period I earned 4.5 million dollars.
At the end of that I lost 1/2 million dollars.
We walked away from those years $250,000.00 in debt.

It's been almost 18 years since I received the news that changed the direction of my life.
The previous 47 years of my life had been a very slow crawl of forward momentum that peaked in a rapid decade of the 1990s.
The 1990s were the happiest time of my life, all my worries vanished for a decade.

The story of How much n why Scott McWhinnie hated Pez Outlaw (me) is by now well known within the Pez Collecting community.
Kathy said You really couldn't have changed what happened. 
My answer was, My biggest regret is deciding to buy that 1/2 million dollars worth of Pez Product.
I just never should have done it.


I've never been the type of person that things came to easily.
As a matter of fact my ability to fit into what is "Normal" has always been a challenge.
Despite that I found my path.

It took me 25 years to get to the point in 1994 that I was ready to make my move.
Finally I had scraped together a few thousand dollars to begin my journey.
The next 4 years flew by at light speed, as I traveled the world buying Pez.
I had finally caught the wave.

Everything was built on the momentum of the previous success.
Flea markets, Good Will stores, Collectibles of every description, McDonalds premiums, cereal premiums and finally Pez.
Every success rolled into the next, all building to the decisions of 1998.

In 1998 I remortgaged my home ($125,000.00) and took out an additional line of credit loan for $125,000.00.
I put that borrowed $250,000.00 plus another $250,000.00 of earnings in 1998 on the biggest play I had ever made.
I made my play, a half million dollars pushed into the middle of the table.

In late 1998 I lost and sj glew died.
Everything I had worked a lifetime for ended.
Like I said my path in life has not been an easy fit.

Yes I earned 4.5 million dollars in 11 years on a $4,000.00 investment, but in the end I lost $250,000.00 on a half million dollar investment that should have yielded a million, minimum.

The question then became, when you have lost almost everything what's your next move.
All material resources gone, what's left to draw on.
It was at that low point that I realized the one asset, I still had my mind.

Over the next decade I used it along with the new tool of the internet to write my story.
The process has been very slow, 15 years now.
The goal to sell the Pez Outlaw story as a book and a movie.

I can say this much as to the progress of that dream.
Having your story optioned does not guarantee that the movie will actually be made.
So I continue working.

That day in 1998 when sj glew and all his dreams died, that was the day Pez Outlaw was born.
A thought just crept into my mind. I wonder what the reaction would be if I showed up at Pez USA headquarters or the Offices in Austria?
Would I be welcomed as an old Friend?

You'd think that the person that made Pez international millions would indeed have the red carpet rolled out for him.
I say made them millions in this context, Bubble Boy, Color variations, Glow in the dark n crystal's.
All these ideas originated by Pez Outlaw n did not existed until I conceived n introduced them. 

So my guess is Pez Corp would welcome me (Pez Outlaw) with open arm.
Hell, I bet Pez Corp would throw a banquet in my honor if I showed up at there door.
I'd be all, gosh folks you don't have to create a special Pez Dispenser to commemorate my contribution to Pez.

N they Pez Corp would be.
But you are so awesome, we pale historically in the presence of Pez Outlaw.
Aw shucks, it was nothin.

After Pez Outlaw conceived n launched colors, glow n crystals Pez Corp sold millions of them.
Being a humble person I've stayed in the shadows n let Pez Corp run with my ball.
There success with my ideas is payment enough.
It's like watching all your children do well.

But Hey n Oh Shucks, if you want to create a special pez dispenser to commemorate the Pez Outlaw contribution to Pez.
I suppose that'd be OK.
After all, It's For The Children.

Jeez Oh Pete's, So much Fuss.
Thank You.
Pez Outlaw. 


After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence





Pez Outlaw Diary