Wednesday, April 19, 2017

My Beard Took A Left #pezoutlaw #hollywood @pezoutlaw

My brain seems to have followed.
The real question is. Who put my Beard in charge of today's post?
Chicken n Egg dilemma. If my beard jumped off a bridge, would I? 
Separation anxiety n fear of heights aside, NO! 
I'm just saying, at times my beard has a mind of it's own. More later.
My beard n I have been together 45 years n rarely agree.
This entire post was not of my free will, my beard threatened me.
It's an ugly situation.Told my beard, I'll write it but then you're on your own.
It's a Hell of a thing. 

The Duality of Beardyness
The left side of my beard is feeling kinda straight today.
The right side of my beard is having none of that n feelin real curly.
I guess my brain isn't the only schizophrenic part of my head.

I hope that helps. 
Perspective is everything. 
Things must be looked at in context.

Commie Pinko, Crack Weasel and Zombie Rabbit are all Asylum Favorites. 
I really wish that I was clever enough to write a story using all four characters together on one adventure. 
Truth be told even if I did it probably would only amuse me. 
Kinda like Alien vs Predator or Godzilla vs Mothra.
Reference was just an excuse to insert photo.

If any of you clever folk out there like on cartoon network wanna take a shot at a cartoon featuring Commie Pinko, Crack Weasel and Zombie Rabbit, I'm cheap n easy to deal with.

I can be bought for a few thousand bucks + residuals n 2% of the action. 

Crazy thing is, I have an agent out in Hollywood that you can contact if interested. There names escape me but Jeff knows who they are.

Imagine what the Poster for Commie Pinko, Crack Weasel and Zombie Rabbit might look like?

What do you think? Would a cartoon based on the adventures of Commie Pinko, Crack Weasel and Zombie Rabbit be out of the norm or fit right in.

Go Left.To the point n not related to anything stated previously in this post.
Bed head vs Beard Head.
Somehow blankets n pillows have the same effect on a beard as getting a permanent.
When your beard is rather long this can result n often does in a sharp left like a bent arm.
Just on the weird list n very annoying.
It's a better title than story.

Kathy just taught me something.
I've never got the whole 's thing.
Always get it wrong she said because it belongs to. OK, that I understand.

By the way. This post has received 300 views in 4hrs, my grade is a B.
500 would be an A.
Billy Dog is goin sideways, gotta go. 

All in All, I'm kinda pleased with myself today. 
That's saying a lot, because our weather is severe today.
Just spent 3hrs in snow, gusting wind, 17 degrees. 
Headed back out. 1 more hour. 
I like to be out in the weather long enough to appreciate what the horses are dealing with. 
Handed out extra sweet hay again today, the horses appreciate it a lot. 

Hands Up or The Beard Gets It

wanted a pic. made this in Art Therapy
That'll get you a spot at Happy Horse Asylum, easy peasy.

Quiz, which 2 words in previous sentence are ...

Yesterdays post My Beard Took A Left #pezoutlaw #hollywood @pezoutlaw got a B in 4hrs, but went on to earn an A+ within 24hrs of post with over 500 views.
Not bad for a guy doin time in Happy Horse Asylum.

Yes I am a resident of Happy Horse Asylum, a mental institution for the rest n recuperation of damaged souls.
It's not so bad here, to pass some of the time we started a news letter called The Daily Straitjacket.
You might have seen the 2 issues that we smuggle out in the laundry.

In group therapy sessions my beard n I have been going at each other for 6 months now.
Quite the brouhaha. I think marriage counseling would serve our conflict better.
My biggest problem with my beard is he's such an arrogant bastard.
Everything is about the beard.

I got so mad at my beard 2 weeks ago that I cut 4 inches off.

Well that didn't go down well. 
Neither did the stream of beard short jokes that followed.

My main form of therapy besides writing here at Happy Horse Asylum is caring for the horses.
In the real world a feller that talks to horses n dogs gets the eye, round here it's not all that unusual.
The weather has been kinda cold n windy but we're all doing well.

The Old Man (horse) is looking really good for 36, that's like 100 in people years.
He n Johnny (horse) give me a real hard time when I haul the hay around at feeding time.
Johnny n the Old Man yank bales off the tractor like big ole farm boys n just toss them.
Not to mention the scrum at the front of the tractor, where the action is.

I gotta tell ya, it just doesn't seem like I have as much time to do things as I used to.
Yes 18 horses as opposed to 12-14 takes more time.
Though I think the real problem is that I'm movin around slower now.
I use old man walk to rest while doing stuff, so stuff naturally takes longer.
Some old guys just keep ramming around, then they fall over.
To me pace is everything. I can still do the things I used to, but pace will determine how long I get to do it.

Horse Poo Projects, The Department of HPP.
HPP continues, snow n cold weather don't stop the flow.
It comes so I move it.
Thank God for my new snow chains I bought on ebay.
I only put chains on the front tires, but with 4 wheel drive it's all I really need.
So far the tractor has conquered all.
Which by the way is great because I use the tractor a lot to increase my capabilities n endurance.

I can't wait to plant the new Wild Flower patches, the beds are all prepped.
Josh brought over a big sack of Sun Flower seeds, will make a very nice addition.
I guess that's what you do in winter, look forward to spring.

Everybody is going lotto nuts.
Kathy is in 2 groups buying tickets.
I'm probably the only person on planet earth that hopes she does not win.
1.5 Billion is just to much money.
One tenth of 1.5 billion is to much money, life would become to complicated.
I could handle 2 to 5 million but 1.5 billion, that's just stupid. 
There should be a Lotto rule that each increment of 100 million n the lotto splits.
200 million is 2 drawings that nigt of 100 million each.
1.5 billion is 15 drawings in one night for 100 million each.
1.5 billion in one pot is just stupid.

Why Not?

Just measured the length of my beard. 
12 inches from my chin.

Not important in the slightest.
Just that it's the longest my Beard has ever been

I've had a beard since 1970.
When I worked in the shop it never got longer than about 3 inches, because if it did it would always get singed off from the heat of welding or a cutting torch.

It's farrier day which means Henry (Amish) is here to trim the horse's hooves.
Henry is the best, so I guess you could say I have an Amish friend.
Seems like every few years Henry gets a new apprentice from the Amish community.
Did you know that if your a young Amish man you are not allowed to grow a beard unless you are married.
The young man Henry has right now is unmarried.
I asked him when he was getting married. He said at one point that he wasn't sure he was going to marry.
I told him that I'd get married just so I could grow a beard.

I warned Henry a while back that if things keep going like they are he n his community might become real popular.

I will end this vacuous post with the following.
I have no immediate plans to trim my beard.
Think about it.
If unnamed people actually make the movie wouldn't I make a more interesting old coot to do PR on behalf of Pez Outlaw with a beard down to there.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence

Pez Outlaw Diary

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

When Captain Kangaroo Was COOL! #pezoutlaw #hollywood

1955 was a wonderful year.
When you are 4 years old you have no idea what's cool, you like what you like.

If I wanted to sound cool I'd say Howdy Doody but the real show I remember watching was Captain Kangaroo.
Be honest, would you tell your friends that Captain Kangaroo was your favorite childhood TV show. 
Maybe the most uncool thing you could say, even though it is in all likelihood the truth.

Here's a good example, 3 days ago Wally Gator, El Kabong etc, lots of response because they are considered cool cartoons. 
Today Captain Kangaroo TRUTH, zero response, uncool.
Gotta admit I am naturally drawn to things that are considered uncool.
Uncool fits me like an old pair of gloves.

No problem because truth be told, I am uncool.
At least I hope I am. 
I've seen what's considered cool today.
Yeah, I wanna be the opposite of that, Thank You Very Much. 

I admit to being deeply contrarian. 
I am compelled in the opposite direction of any crowd.
Y'all are goin that way, cool, I'll go this way. 
I don't wanna see the same thing you all will see, I wanna see something different.

Robert "Bob" Keeshan aka Captain Kangaroo. June 27, 1927 – January 23, 2004
Captain Kangaroo was on TV from October 3, 1955 to December 8, 1984 CBS

Bob Keeshan aka Captain Kangaroo was the original Clarabell The Clown on the Howdy Doody show.

I watched Howdy Doody, I know that I must have, it was the in show of my childhood.
Funny thing though I don't have any memories of watching the Howdy Doody show.
I do though have a ton of memories of Captain Kangaroo. 

In 1960 Bob Keeshan aka Captain Kangaroo, tried a new character of Mister Mayor for 1 year on CBS.

Bob Keeshan as Captain Kangaroo
Mr. Green Jeans was played by
Hugh Brannum
Cosmo Allegretti as Moose, Mr. Bunny Rabbit, Grandfather Clock n Dancing Bear
Though how we got here today was that it occurred to me this morning that Tom Terrific was probably my first cartoon.
In 1955 I was 4 years old, which coincided with the birth of the Captain Kangaroo show.
This give or take a year or 2 was also about the time we got our first TV.
For sure though, 4 years old was when I became truly aware of TV n could understand it. 
At 4 years old no school yet but I did watch Captain Kangaroo every morning.

So Tom Terrific was in all likelihood my first cartoon show.

Tom Terrific

Mighty Manfred The Wonder Dog

Crabby Appleton
In My Element.
Did you really just start a fight about Captain Kangarooooooo,
No, wait, What?

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence

Pez Outlaw Diary

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Put On Your Big Girl Panties #pezoutlaw

The ladies here on the horse farm will say "Put On Your Big Girl Panties" to each other when it's time to step out of your comfort zone n get something done. I've always thought it a catchy way of saying that.

Best if a man never says  "Put On Your Big Girl Panties". Not a good idea at all.

Here's the deal. God bless n it's none of my business, I accept that. What women talk about or how they talk in private is there business.

BUT! I just need to know why men working real hard on a shingle roof in 100 degree temperature don't get the same consideration. The harder men are working, I mean serious sweat in your nethers really working, the rougher the language n topics can become.

A man knows better than to walk up on a woman's serious conversation or at least he oughta. I'm just asking for the same. When men are busting it, don't give them looks for there words, turn your ears off. The language of a hard work site helps deal with the shit your dealing with.

So put on your big girl panties n let us get on with it.

post script.
There are Ladies around here that bust there asses right along side, manure, hay etc.
Guys don't be asses, tone it down.
If a women is working at your side bale for bale, show her the respect she's due. Watch your mouth.

Here's a suggestion guys. When the work crew is male and female, crazy is a very good substitute.
Josh, Matt n I were laughing so hard last time we did hay that I almost choked sucking in hay, when doing 6 high. No idea what actual lunacy was.

The above was only relating to those truly shitty jobs that are ours alone.

Kathy works pretty hard every day n when it's getting to her, I know enough to tread lightly.
If I don't, I'll get my ass handed to me. Those Brodebeck women are not to be trifled with.

Time will tell if I made it out of this one intact.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence

Pez Outlaw Diary

Saturday, April 15, 2017

"Normal" #pezoutlaw #hollywood

You don't tell people what you know to be true.
You wear the face that people expect to see.

Do you have any idea what a gift being normal is?
I have no idea what it's like.
Happy people are a real mystery to me. 
I consider neutral a very good day.

Notes From The Asylum is my therapy.
I watched the Brian Wilson movie last night.
Kinda depressing for me but it did end well.
Imagine hearing music.

It occurred to me that all he was doing was sharing what was in his head with the rest of the world.
Sound familiar?
Sharing is good, right?

Prompted me to ask Kathy the question that you never should. 
Guy was a bit crazy, I'm not that bad am I?
Kathy's answer, Sometimes.

Kathy n only Kathy has earned the right. 
What sanity I have, she helped me find.
Years of what even I can see was crazy, earned Kathy that right.

That was then though n this is now.
The years I even see as crazy are behind me.
I like to think of myself as a softer gentler crazy now. 

Which by the way is why I say forgive yourself of your past.
Every morning is a rebirth, a fresh start.
With that new day, try to get it right.

I answer Kathryn now, Yes Mam n No Mam.
My goal is to repay her for her years of faith that I was wort the time n effort.
She earned what I have left in life to give, I intend to make that good.

I understand that I have a unique perspective, but have rationalized it to a sense of normal.
You just can't begin to see how others see you.
I put it away by saying, it is what it is.

That's another reason I will never see the Pez Outlaw movie.
If Brian Wilson's story bothered me, just imagine one about yourself.
No way I'm lookin in that mirror.

Thing is of course they're gonna go with the crazy, it's the hook. 
N that's fine I get it.
I want n need the payday, so you know, have at it boys.

Back to Kathy's answer, sometimes yeah you're that crazy.
Immediately your mind wants to rewind the clips n review.
Which parts?

You understand I can't see it, right.
The only times I get a glimpse is in the eyes of people around me. 
A look on someones face, but even that by now is just normal.

People have been lookin at me weird since I was a kid.
Hippie thing, Straight Jacket, n now I look like Santa Claus.
Collar on a few hundred dollar new leather jacket irritates me, I cut it off. 

I don't know what to tell you, I just can't see it.
I'm aware of it n accept it but Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Hate to tell ya but to me my mind is normal, your mind is the one I don't understand.

I haven't got a freakin clue what it's like to be "Normal".
I only know what I know.
I only see the world the way I see it.

So when I go in you know that direction, no way I see it.
I've learned to embrace the word crazy.
My attempt is to take the word crazy back, to own it.

Brian Wilson's movie might be a sign of what's to come in the Pez Outlaw Movie.
I honestly have to leave that one alone also.
I've cut my deal, It is what it is.

I trust the people involved.
My only suggestion is, make a movie people enjoy.
How I come off is for you n they to decide.

No different than now.
I can not control how others perceive me. 
Crazy would be to try.

Truth is I never asked Kathy, which parts.
I just accepted what she said n let it go.
Though as you can see, I did write about it. 

Waste not want not.
I thought linking to trending tweets might be something. IT'S NOT!
Just trying to promote the cause.

That Probably was a Bad Idea

Then let's not do that.
N This is a better idea?

It would appear I temporarily lost control.
A saboteur had the controls. 

It happens.
51% sane.
2 points n ?

You mean like low tide?
Sure, Why Not.

You get to thinking.
Well that was you're 1st mistake. 
Stop That!

Believe it or not, the whole thing started or stemmed from an imaginary interview. 
Nothing bad ever results from an imaginary reporter interviewing you.

Hey, Are you sure we should be sharing this?
I mean, starting to sound, Well Nuts.

Oh don't worry bout it, I think we're on a good foot now.
Ok, But you know what happened last time.

You gotta be more specific.
Which last time we talking about?

Never mind.
I think we already jumped off that bridge. 

You're starting to get on my nerves. 

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence

Pez Outlaw Diary

Friday, April 14, 2017

Slippage n Being Human #pezoutlaw #hollywood @pezoutlaw

Please click adverts on my posts. otherwise I don't get paid. clicks are down.  

Like a rock star on stage you tilt the microphone to the crowd.
Please wake me.

Chain of events.
Wrote a post about the weather.
Nothin controversial there.
Wrote a post hammerin away about Pez Outlaw. Check.
Wrote an animal post about Rudy.

Ok, time to go off the rails.
Rummage around in the clutter up there n pick one up.
Then again possibly something more nuanced.
Yeah right, like that would even be possible.

I will tell you this.
I walk around in my world trying to maintain a presentable human for observers.
The problem with that is.
My version of a presentable human veers off course all by itself.
Add slippage to that n you catch eyeballs.
You know that look or maybe you don't, I guarantee you I do.
I've seen it on the observers face my whole life.

The biggest problem I had when I worked in the shop was that out of anger or whatever, I refuse to play the good ole boy role.
Now days I can slip into it with ease.
My problem is that I get to enjoying the role a bit to much n start improvising.
Improvisation is very fertile ground for slippage.

Example 1.
Geof brings some hay over.
You Bastard, what the hell are you trying to do to me.
Even with the latitude I'm given by Kathy's friends for being, eccentric (inner voice: yeah eccentric, I like that). 
People still pause a moment on that type of greeting. Eyeballs.
Then I say 15 or 20 bales, 15 is replied.
What the hell, don't you believe in buying a beer for the other guys? Pause, eyeballs.

Example 2.
Henry, Amish Farrier was here, cutting hooves.
Was talking with him about a somewhat mutual disdain for doctors.
Told him, Doctors just won't follow directions, stay on point.
I will walk out if one tries that Alzheimer quiz on me.
Don't want to know if I have cancer. 
Better I fall over one day than go on kimo n become another burden to Kathy.
If I'm not useful to her, I certainly don't want to be a burden.
Kathy from afar, so yeah Henry if one day he falls over............
Poor woman's been tryin to tidy up after me with folks for 45yrs.

Anyway, back to Alzheimer's.
Told Henry, quit drinking 45 years ago, hopin that's my ace in the hole.
Then I got Cocky.
Henry. See to me normal people run smooth.
My brain has so much going on up there that if Alzheimer's fired almost everybody, maybe finally I'd be like other folks.
Pause, Eyeball's.

OOP's, makes you wish you had a safety line on some thoughts so you could yank then back in or at least be able to throw slippage a life-preserver. 
Commonly known as "to much" or "did I say that out loud? I thought I was using my inner voice".

People around here accept my off center thinking.
I live in a different yet parallel reality to them.
As long as I'm yammering on about the horse's there eye's are fine, but......

Only Kathy knows it all n she is the only person who has been willing to put up with the real me.
I do not have to present my acceptable human for her. 
I also realized recently that it's impossible for me not to tell Kathy everything.
By the way that's fare warning to other folks.

Well Shit, I never planned on that.

With your permission. 
I'd like to add. 
A little out of the blue.
I'm not anybodies ATM, at least not anymore.
That's one thing I like about being poor, the decisions are made for me.
You want money to do or for anything n Bubba are you talkin to the wrong person. 
Also on the advice of you know who, I do not sign anything.
You might not believe it but I do get requests.

I used to be the guy who put $10,000.00 on a desk to watch it swept into a drawer.
No more, you want something from me? 
It's my turn to sweep money into my drawer.

OH, What The Hell.

If you slam your gun on the table n it discharges.
Was that you taking your shot?
Is a momentary response your answer? 

For depth.

The Softest Sock of 2, goes on the right foot.
I wear 3 pairs of socks one pair over the other every day.
Reason, it feels good.
Left ear socks or socks that ride between toes drive me up a wall.
That ends the daily Sock Report, on to the News.

So the News guy says.
In one word describe so n so.
People almost always use 3 words.

My hope is that the words "Ski Vacation" are code for deal making.
Come February Perceptible movement is revealed.
I'm running out of spit fellas.

Stick your noses out boys n girls.
It's time to get them tweaked.

Gerry, you've done 3.
Do 4 n we get worried.

After 1.5 years working on Cereal Box Price Guide I kinda drifted away.
The Cereal Box Price Guide was done using Pez Outlaw Methods, I make no apologies for that.
The drift from cereal was to Notes From The Asylum.
I guess I just prefer talking.

Today Kathy showed me a story in the newspaper on a local Pez Collector.
To be honest I lost interest half way through it because it didn't mention Pez Outlaw.
Blah Blah Blah guy has a lot of Pez, isn't he weird.

The news story did though use quotes from Shawn Peterson as a sorce from Pez Corp.
I remember back in the 1990s when Shawn's folks would bring him to Pez Cons.
I wonder if Pez Corp knows what a good customer there employee was of Pez Outlaw.
Sorry just foolin around, I'm sure it's not a thing.

So much has changed in 15 years.
A new generation of product n collectors has come into the Pez Hobby.
Young people I used to sell to have gone mainstream n now work for the other side.
Wonder how that conversation goes when Pez Outlaw is mention at Pez Corp with Shawn.

Yes of course everything is about me/Pez Outlaw.
Until the movie is released, that's how it has to be.
Again, no apologies.

Somebody on ebay just asked.
Are you "The Pez Outlaw"?
Yes, this is Pez Outlaw.
There is only one.

Being Human. Fake it, Till you make it.

You know how when you're trying to present a normal human to others n bits of crazy seep out.
The people that know me well, just laugh n enjoy the humor.
Though on occasion I've notice a few disappear forever.
To me it's the weeding process of those who should actually be in my world.

Don't get me wrong.
I'm not a person that really needs human friends, I've got my dogs, the horse's n that does me pretty good.
Reality though requires that I interact with Kathy's world n believe you me, I have to tone it down a bit.
I get the shush finger a lot.

Walking around in the real world can be a bit of a juggling act.
How much to let out.
Less is more.
What you don't say has proven more important than what you do.

The other day a guy contacted me wanting to make Pez Outlaw T-shirts.
Contacted Jeff, contacted Marcia, both seemed confused.
I guess they have real lives n no time to come out n play.
That just leaves me n my imaginary friends.
We decided it was to soon, maybe later.

That's the problem of living in an alternate universe of Pez Outlaw.
For me everything is Pez Outlaw 24/7/365.
Real people, including Kathy, Josh, Jeff n Marcia have the real world of family, jobs, friends etc.
My world, The Pez Outlaw World does not have these distractions, because Kathy allows me this.
I can focus on my alternate reality as much as I want.
So of course every little nuance of the Pez Outlaw World is Life or death.

What I find is that I'm so tiresome on the subject that it takes a very large rotation of individuals to bore, just to keep up with me.
Each set of ears can only listen for so long before needing a vacation from Pez Outlaw World.
Like West World, you can only play at the park so long before the Robot Cowboy goes rogue.

Some folks withdraw quietly n are rarely heard from over long periods.
Did I somehow scare them?
Is there something frightening about me that I'm totally Oblivious to?
Probably the earlier thought that others are in the real world n Kathy has not carved out a safe area for them to play in.

Every child is born with high hopes.
Anything is possible in the beginning n we all think we are special.
If you have 4 brothers, they tend to help you find reality.

We weren't exactly poor, because dad had a pretty good job working at Fisher Body on the line wet sanding cars.
Though I do remember some pretty long UAW strikes that had us eating big cans of spam n other forms of (not sure it was called welfare food back then) Government food.

When I was very young I wanted to be a lawyer, because being a Cowboy seemed out of reach.
My early years in grade school were filled with Fighting because I hadn't learned to use my words but I loved to argue.

One punishment for being a disruptive child at school stood out.
The teacher put me in the class closet with the lights out.
To make fun out of it, I catcalled at people who passed by in the hall.

Even though life told me I was not special, I pushed back.
I've always defied the darkness with rage.
You tell me I can't, buddy that was exactly what I was gonna do.
I'll show you, which usually ended bad.

Later in life I learned that out of 1,000 failures can come one success or that you must be willing to hear 1,000 no's for the eventual yes.
I believe my defiance as a child was my training ground for seeking an outside the box path in life.
Every opportunity I had as a child to take the normal path, I would sabotage it, forcing me to take the path nobody else was taking.

This has continued into the rest of my life.
I'm not sure at this point what good it did me but I also know I really didn't have a choice.

By the age of 13 my brain started functioning different than the people around me.
Today they have all kinds of labels for what was going on n medications to help.
At the age of 15 I started self medicating with Alcohol.
At 16 Marijuana, then in rapid succession every other kind of drug I could lay my hands on.

When I reached 20 I met Kathy n finally put all the drugs n alcohol behind me.
What followed were 25 years of mental anguish, frustration and rage???
that's for those who observed to say.

The military diagnosed me schizophrenic with masochistic tendencies.
No treatment, they just booted me.
In a drug rehab program I scared them so much that they booted me to a mental hospital.
Oddly enough the screener at the mental hospital was a druggy.
I spotted it right away, so I walked away.

Within weeks I met Kathy and began my journey of self healing with her help n patience.
Now I am literally her servant, in that the woman deserves some reward for 25+ years work.
I never found Jesus or attended a single AA or other type meeting, we just did it on our own.

Schizophrenic, Bipolar, etc are just words n labels, God knows whats really going on up there.
Some of us out here can't afford or are not capable of seeing Doctors to have our brains fixed or medicated.
Some of us just have to do the best we can n work our way through it.

At the age of 65 (in a few months) I've finally built enough patches n tricks to pass as human.
Yes I'm kinda obsessive compulsive, I think that obsession to detail was born out of necessity.
Yes I'm a hermit in that I don't leave the farm much, again necessity to control my environment n limit input.
I don't talk on telephones, again limiting input. Telephones allow to many people to dump to much unwanted crap into your brain.

Back to the beginning, Every child is born with high hopes.
So is a part of my story a Hollywood movie about Pez Outlaw n my life?
Is this life I've lived worthy of your interest for 90 minutes?
Time will tell. My hope is that the answer is yes.

One of the other reasons that I share my story so openly is.
I know I'm not alone, I know that there are a lot of folks out there who deal with this shit in isolation.
I want you to know that you are not alone.
My advice though is to seek professional help.
Even though I am incapable of it, it is the better way to go.
Don't hide who you are, find a way to embrace the unique you.
You have value, your unique perspective of life has value.

Pez Outlaw Diary

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Snakes On The Ceiling #pezoutlaw #hollywood

Last nights 2am to 4am dream.
I was in a Cruise ship Hotel/port.
I missed my ship. Yeah I know, kinda on the nose.
Anyway, I couldn't get anybody to listen to me.
Maybe, the bigger Metaphor.

Jeff asked me yesterday, How are you doing? 

I've always found that question uncomfortable.
Truth be told on the best of days I'm 50/50.
I always count that as a good day.

My guilty TV viewing pleasure is Ancient Aliens.
Whatever you wanna say is fine.
On a recent view it was going into the great minds over the centuries.
The point I walked away with was the common link in one form or another to meditation.

I told Kathy n she said, you could start.
I told her that I'm to old n more important, maybe it's not a good idea.
I've been in there a lot, I'm not sure I want to go back.
Best if I dip in and out with glancing blows.

It's like how the baby boomers are all thinking about dying.
I watch them, they are doing things that to me are preparation to saying goodbye.
Like death is a new concept to them.
I've been dealing with mortality since I was 4 or 5 years old.

Death is like chasing your tail, no point to it whatsoever.
Just get up each morning n deal with the day in front of you.
No more thought than that is required.
Of course each day is a new beginning, a chance to do better.

To waist one moment of precious life with thoughts of death is foolish.
Death will get it's allotted time, don't give it any of life's time.

So, How am I doing?
Man I got No Idea. 
Nuts to this, I'm gonna go out n start the tractor up.
Move some horse poo. 

BTW my answer to Jeff was, Waiting.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence

Pez Outlaw Diary

Saturday, April 1, 2017

I'm Bored, Let's Talk About Me. #pezoutlaw #hollywood #americana


When my brothers n I were very young in the late 1950s we used to take bike trips on Grovenberge rd.
We'd take a jar of Kool-Aid n ride to the end of Grovenberge rd n back again.
These trips came to an end when I96 cut off Grovenberge rd pretty much at the point we'd begin at.

I grew up watching westerns on TV n my parents listened to country music.
So of course I broke my collar bone defending a girl in grade school.
One of my better excuses to fight. 

As a child I got in fights n could be disruptive.
Yes one of my teachers did put me in a closet as punishment.
This may have happened more than once, I didn't care, just catcalled into the hallway through a vent.

My neighborhood in the 1950s was rural on the edge of large farms.
I96 was built just behind our house n began the change of everything.
Next we were annexed into the city.

When integration became the law, we were bussed into the inner city to achieve quotas.
This law had a very big impact on my life. 
Rural to city n city ways, which led to drugs. 

I live in the country now n like my folks I listen to country music.
I can't help thinking if I'd stayed in the country some of my life might have been different.
Some people fit better in the country than in the city. 

Country life helps me maintain perspective.
City life n city ways confused my mind.
Creating the need to self medicate.

At 15 I got brought home by the cops drunk.
16 n 17 I smoked weed, did LSD n peyote, shot meth n Heroine.
I spent the next 25 years finding my way back.

In my 40s I had probably the best decade of my life as Pez Outlaw.
Another highpoint was the summer I spent helping Larry Blizzard build the horse arena in 2011.
That 2011 summer was another turning point in my life. 

I think I gained perspective on my life in that summer of 2011.
For a decade I'd meandered writing Pez Outlaw Diary.
After the summer of 2011 I found my true purpose in life.

My 50s to now 65 have been fighting my way back again after Pez Corp destroyed my life.
see Pez Outlaw Diary
I believe that my life's circle will close on a high note with a movie n a book about Pez Outlaw.
What can I say, I'm an optimist.

When I was young n listened to Rock n Roll my dad used to say, There's no Story.
I find Rock n other forms of music agitating, disruptive to my mind.
Country music blends with my life now, I can identify with it.

Reference point.
I started listening to Country music in my summer of 2011. 
By no coincidence, the summer I got my life back on track.
Building things, hard work n country music, soothes the crazy.

I watched a documentary last night about a rich persons life gone wrong.
It kinda shook me up a bit, the old there but by the grace of God go I.
Made me want to pull back for fear of acting out to much.
Then I found this post n it made me feel better.

No matter what happens I need to remember that I wear $12.00 jeans from Family Farm n Home and that I drive a tractor because it's fun.
The lessons I've learned over the last 15yrs must not be forgotten.
Humility in my personal life.
Let others do as they will, focus on the tasks before me.
Frugality in all things, do not waste anything.
Always look at discarded things for what they can or might be.
Above all, try every day to view life in the best light I can.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence

Pez Outlaw Diary