Friday, May 6, 2016

5 stages of grief #pezoutlaw #hollywood

The K├╝bler-Ross model, or the five stages of grief, postulates a series of emotions experienced by survivors of an intimate's death, wherein the five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

With everything happening right now this has many applications n meanings.
That said, let's leave the broader analysis to better minds n better writers. 
I'm only an expert on my own experiences.

I've had an 18 year journey with the 5 stages of grief.
My entire life I felt an emptiness n longing for something.
In the 1990s in my 40s I finally felt I'd found the thing I'd been searching for.

In later years our lives are comprised of our memories.
With each of us one section of our life stands out to us as that time period that defines us.
For some it's High School, others it's war n the brotherhood they experienced, Birth, children n family.
My life defining period where I lived as I had dreamed to my whole life were my years as Pez Outlaw.

It's not important that my dreams manifested in the form of Pez dispensers.
What's important is that my yearning to achieve purpose n success independently was finally in my grasp.

I'd found my muse in Pez, something I could shape to find meaning and achieve my life's yearnings.
All went well for quite a while, I thought I finally had the world by the tail.

At the end of a decade I realized sometimes you think you've got the gator when in reality, the gator has you.
I set myself up for disaster when I brokered a 1/2 million dollar deal with Pez Corporation, unable to realize the treachery that lay just around the corner.

After years of beating Pez Corporation at every turn, I had begun to believe I was invincible.
I started believing my own myth.

What followed is well documented in Pez Outlaw Diary so I won't bore you here.
The short of it is I lost every penny.

That was 1998 n the year I started the 5 stages of grief that actually lasted for the next 18 years.

For the next 3 years 1998 thru 2001 I refused to accept what had happened n fought with everything I had to beat Pez Corporation.
In true David vs Goliath fashion I had a few wins.
I destroyed the marketability of the product that had been produced to destroy me.
I also believe that what I call The Pez Color War (see  C12. The Day I Died) led to the retirement of the President of Pez USA Scott McWhinnie.  

Reality though was my wins came at a very deep cost.
I lost almost everything I'd spent over 20 years building.
So, Denial I think covers it pretty good.
In 2001 I reached my anger phase which manifested itself as my book Pez Outlaw Diary , which I spent most of the next decade writing n rewriting.
My anger n hatred was palpable, I was like a mean old dog with a bone.
I honestly don't blame all the folks that ran away, just tired of hearing it.     

Bargaining took 2 forms, both of which occurred more or less at the same time starting in 2011. 
I created ebay listings for Pez Outlaw Diary  ,one to publish it as a book n the other for the movie rights.
At the same time I also created a chapter ( C13. Hollywood or Bust  )that can only be described as bargaining on many levels.

After the initial high of my genius plan (Sarcasm Sheldon) in bargaining, which lasted a year or so came depression.
My depression lasted about 3 years, say 2012 to 2015.
Depression is probably why I behaved like such a jerk to the Hollywood producer who initially contacted me in 2014.

In 2015 when Jeff Maysh contacted me about writing his story, I was finally at the acceptance stage in my grief.
I realized Pez Outlaw Diary had gone as far as I could take it, so this time I said yes. 
Jeff flew out from California n spent a weekend doing his interview.
Jeff's story The Pez Outlaw has since won 2 awards.

As jeff was in his car leaving I asked him to roll down his window.
Hey Jeff you should contact X movie producer who contacted me a year ago, I owe him for my jerk behavior.

Jeff did contact X movie producer n I am currently under contract for movie n book rights.
No comment beyond that.

So there are my 5 stages of grief.
see you at the movies.

Christmas Lights in Mid July.
Complete laziness or thinking ahead?
Well over halfway there, starting to look like a go getter.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence

Pez Outlaw Diary

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

EEEK! It's a mouse. Who poohed on the carpet? #pezoutlaw #hollywood @pezoutlaw

This is obviously a Metaphor for Fear n Disaster?

The Presidents in Hawaii n Hollywood is Skying.
Me I'm here in the Midwest freezin my Hoo Hass off n shovelin snow.

What I fear n the disaster I dread is obvious to all who have been reading Notes From The Asylum so why rehash it.
It's the time of year where we find ourselves reflecting on Friends lost. 

Lately I seem to be abandoning temper fused outbursts in favor of stories or just talking.
Throwing out the Rant n going with an aside.
☑️ The Stonecrete Murders  is one of the best examples, it was a rant about I can't remember now it's Old Sparky.
No point, just what's happening.

The only time I feel really in control of anything anymore is when I'm on the tractor.

Muted I wait.
50/50 at best.
No news is good news?

Lately I've been telling Kathy, No More Crazy Dogs!
Laurie says we're running a Horse Rescue.
Please God let that not be so, even if it's true.

The evidence is Damning.
Best not make that list.
Staring at a picture of Arnold Palmer, waiting on a miracle.

Is it possible a Demigod in a Straight Jacket will be my salvation? 
After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence

Pez Outlaw Diary