Friday, April 19, 2019

Secrets #Netflix #pezoutlaw #Amazon

2VBD's n 1PS

You make very friendly gestures
To a response of silence
The answer becomes cl.ear

The noise becomes to much
Life never missed a beat
The cry misses it's mark

I understand what does not fit
Agendas on separate paths
Of course mine has value

The truth remains hidden
Purgatory rules what once was
Conformity crushes the soul

So many questions
Spooked by answers
Patience the Demon that haunts me

the dream
to speak clearly
to discard the mask

On Nov. 22 my secret was revealed once again, I looked down and a 3-4yr old child was staring up at me in amazement.
My secret is that for 1 month every year I'm Santa Claus to every very small child that sees me.
This all started maybe 20yrs ago when my hair and beard turned white.

That very small children think I'm Santa Claus is something I try very hard not to miss anymore. 
Approximately a decade ago Kathy had to give me a sharp nudge because I was missing that a small child was staring at me and wanted a hug, I felt terrible because I'd been so about me that I didn't see him.

Yesterday a very small child learned that Santa Claus also has horses.
The cutest moment of all was when I looked up from feeding Busta the horse.
The child was standing all by himself at the corner of the warehouse with his hand up in the air.
When I noticed him he started waving good bye vigorously.

What a beautiful moment, that child all alone waiting for his moment to say good bye to Santa Claus.
Yes every year for one month I'm not Pez Outlaw or Steve, I'm Santa Claus and I will not let them down.
I even sneak in a couple Ho Ho Ho's within there earshot.

You have not lived until a small child looks at you with amazement and the only reward they want is for you to say hello and play your part in there imagination.

Photo Bombed this poor girl while working my street corner cleaning windshields. pics $1.00 
It just occurred to me that we should do one of these selfies with everyone that comes here.
It could be our version of carpool karaoke (shouldn't there be an i in that?), like that guy on the TV does.

Last night I came in from outside.
Kathy said, Is somebody here? I heard you talking to somebody out there.
No Honey, I was just talking to 3 eight packs of soda pop.
I had my heavy gloves on so I had fat fingers making it near impossible to pick the pop up by its plastic thingies, spurring a vigorous conversation with the soda pop.

OK Then. Yes I talk to Horses, Dogs and Bottles of soda pop.
If I were homeless I guess I'd be that guy.
This may have something to do with that rule around here that if you're busy it's ok to just keep walking while I'm talking. My rule.

Kathy says that I talk a lot.
I believe that if that's true I do it out of self defense.
I talk to amuse myself and stave off thinking about things that depress me.
There are many things in life in general and my life specifically that can lead to depression.
I draw the battle lines with my word and my imaginary world. 

That's my defense for standing alone outside having a conversation with 24 unruly bottles of soda pop.
How'd I do? Did you buy it?
Sad truth, this is all true. 
I suppose that I wish I'd made this story up.


Kathy says that I share more than I should.
I suppose that that's not really much of a secret.
I best keep it in mind though.

I went to my neighbors funeral the other day.
People kept coming up to me, I didn't recognize anybody.
I did recognize the daughter of an old friend as her mother.

I do not have Alzheimer's.
Question is, would I know it if I did?
I just don't remember people or things, there's a difference?

The real reason is that I've never held yesterday in high esteem.
I deal with today, not yesterday or tomorrow.
I delete yesterday each night when I close my eyes.

Here's the thing about being old.
I keep forgetting I'm Old.
That'll get you in a corner real quick. 

I'm really not a clever or funny person.
I don't realize I've said something funny or clever until after I've said it.
It's usually a surprise to me as I watch people's reactions.
In my head I go, Oh Yeah I get it now.

Saying what you're thinking in your head unfiltered can be a surprise.
The truly funny part is you're usually just being honest n next thing you know people think you're clever.
In truth you just backed into it without thinking.

It's like I been saying, I can't control how others perceive me.
What would be insane is to try.
I'm at peace with how others perceive me.

I don't look in mirrors nor do I listen to myself, so why would I care.
I do see your reactions though, so I'm quick to pick up that something just happened.
After a three count I usually catch up.

So, sorry or thank you, whichever applies.
ps, please buy something.
This writing thing pays squat. 


It's easy to be honest after the statute of limitations has run out.


Sharing is a very tricky business, I've always been accused of sharing to much.
Here's an example.
Yesterday afternoon I couldn't shake the feeling that I could leave anytime I was willing to let go. I don't mean die, I'm saying that my consciousness felt like I could leave this body behind if I chose.
I've done it before after all, it's like being sot out of a cannon into outer space.
I mean it's fun but kinda Freaky so I came right back.
I'm not a newagey kinda guy and I was not real comfortable with what my mind had decided to offer me. Truthfully I just wanted the feeling to go away.

Oh No, Did I say all that out loud?
That's what happens when you let one of the others talk.  
See what I mean, Tricky Huh.
So "Hey Buddy, How you doin? What's on your mind?"
Are these really good questions to be askin Willie Nillie?

Just Great n Not Much, Safety First.

My grandson wants my life n I want my dog Proby's life.

Revealing truth is liberating.
Withholding truth makes you vulnerable.
Secrets are a cancer on your soul.
Yet life is filled with secrets.

You can't live without relationships.
Though the maintenance is set with Booby-traps.
One wrong step n that spiky thing comes at you.
When did it get so complicated.

You'd think honesty would protect you.
Some days I get wore out from careful conversation. 
The truth is, you can't be honest with people.
Total honesty repels people. 

I just apologized to a friend for saying what's on my mind.
I wish it was the first time.
I told him that I seem to have a talent for making people not want to talk to me.
Just an observation, how much it matters I'm uncertain of.

So you hold your thoughts close.
Until that one person who gets you, Joshua my son says something.
N you almost scream in response, Yeah!
The response is almost a cry of relief.

Then Joshua says something else n again halfway though you shout, YEAH!
Thinking all the while, Why don't others seem to see it.
Then Josh says people are telling him he's becoming more like me by the day.
It was inevitable, I am my father, Joshua is me n Danny or Jake will be Joshua.

So what's the point?
There is none, just frustration.
People say they want the truth or an honest answer, but they really don't.
They want to hear whatever version makes them feel OK with themselves.

Problem is that I usually know what I want and what I think.
Where I get in trouble is when I share it.
Are there rules I don't know how to follow?
Is this written down somewhere?

I've met people who look scared at the thought of saying what they want.
N if you press them, it angers them, like I'm somehow not respecting the process.
I see this over n over and I still don't understand it.
I am willing to accept what I want, To some what they want is a process.

People say I get there to quick, n that I'm impatient.
The thing is that I know what I want n time is slipping away.
With Pez, What made me different?
Really simple. I saw something n I acted on it, while others thought about acting. 

I'm as puzzled today at almost 65 as I was a child of 5. 
I'm not delusional, I don't think that this is brilliant. 
I'm just purging. 
My imaginary shrink says I need to write things down.

It's like I told Josh, write it out straight, then make it abstract.
Because if you say it straight it offends people.
Keep it vague n people can interpret the meaning to there liking.
Truth can be liberating but it can also be cruel or unwanted.

That n I believe I push to hard.
For which I'm truly sorry.
But we know I won't change.
It's like the scorpion n the river, It's my nature.

I will say this though.
I may know what I think from given information.
Though I have no idea what that information will be.
Meaning, I have no idea what the future holds.

I know what I want but it's in the hands of those pesky relationships.
N Yup you guessed it, they don't want to talk to me.
A Feller could get a complex, were it not for ego. 
I'm OK, You're OK. Are we good?

Why are people determined to draw you into the things they find interesting?
I refuse to waste my time on all the useless endeavors of others.
Computer n Cell Phone obsession is the worst, what a bunch of drivel.
Please attend this or join me at that.
Then the guilting, but it would make me happy if you did.
Does it count for nothing that it would make me miserable n potentially suicidal? 
People need to hear the word NO more.
You say NO nowadays n people react like you killed a puppy.

I remain. 
Not a Damn clue. 
Pez Outlaw.

Thank God, it's time for therapy.
Smiley Face, today we get Jello or is it Pudding?
See what I mean?

My imaginary Shrink says, It only matters if you pretend to know if it's pudding or Jello. 

The Title should have been Jello or Pudding. 
Should I change it?
I like my life, I do things the way I like.
Example is the 4 line verse I use here, just because I like it.

We went on a deep dive today.
Hopefully it was amusing. 

Of all the posts I've written in Notes From The Asylum, Big Fish n Secrets are my favorites. 
On the flip side, sometimes you delete posts because they made it sound like you care more than you actually do. 


 I want to squeeze this in, hope it's OK.

An Old Guy with white hair and glasses wrote a book about Global Warming.
In his book he says that Global Warming was concieved in like 1972 as a marketing campaign by the Nuclear Power Industry.
The Campaign was then co-opted by the wind and solar lobby.
Moriah says, Well it must be true because after all he has white hair, glasses and got his book published.
Not to mention I saw it on the evening news.

just a funny recent conversation.

I also "heard on the news" this morning that I might live to be 120.
I Love The News, but I'm not sure I can afford it. 
Maybe there's a 50yr really low payment plan. 

Computer time for us older folks.
No brain cells to spare.
Please don't distract me.

To the 1st smart ass that says, "Woe I think he's losing it".
Don't be redundant.
You don't get a trophy for stating the obvious anymore.

All this stuff really amuses me.
The best humor is created on the edge of insanity.
Sometimes though, a feller does just fall straight in.

Kathy asked me to be quiet.
After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.

My price guide is fun for beginners but if you want a real Pez Price Guide go here.

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