I hate to admit to you that lately I've been having fantasies about DIRT.
Big Lovely piles of DIRT that I can scoop n move around with my tractor.
Whom I kidding, I'm always having fantasies about DIRT.
Massive piles of Bank Run to move with my tractor.
Piles of crushed concrete n crushed limestone.
Shouldn't ask, but I will.
Is it normal to have dirt fantasies?
I think dirt is fun, working in Dirt is my form of meditation.
Lately those dreams have been an internal controversies about crushed concrete as a base topped with bankrun.
Pros n Cons.
My second dream summer would be to move bank run around the farm every day, all day.
Bank run is the gravel mix that the county puts on dirt roads.
I'd just have my guy at Felski's make a big pile, when he sees it's getting low, bring some more.
Here's the thing.
Rain brings mud, horses have well traveled areas.
The ground they use a lot gets awful messed up.
The plan is to create year round firm areas for them to walk on.
We had mud for about a week here in early February, then it flash froze, the ground became a pocked up mess.
Very hard on the horses to walk on, hard to drive the tractor on.
These well traveled areas by horses is also where they poop.
If I create firm ground, skimming the surface to remove the poo would also be easier.
My first dream summer was helping Larry build our big horse barn n Arena.
I enjoyed the work, plus it served as my reentry to a good work ethic.
During my Pez years I got soft n kinda citified.
I had to relearn how to put work boots n gloves on again, become useful to Kathy again.
Nothing shakes depression like really hard work.
It's just not possible to be depressed when you are bone tired with a sense of accomplishment.
If your depressed dig a hole, keep digging till you feel better, then bury it.
You wanna get your shit together, try following Larry around working.
Larry will wear your ass out, he'll still be going n he's a few years older'n me.
I wanted to write about the other man who influenced my work ethic, My Father.
My father was not a perfect man, but who among us is.
I was thinking about it last night, sometimes the people who judge others, honestly have no right.
Here's what I mean n I'm sorry if it offends, I'm trying to give perspective not offense.
There are people who lead an entire life removed from the harsher elements of every day life.
You buy all your meat from the store, you never killed n butchered your own meat.
You buy new cars, My dad never owned a new car n he fixed his own.
Dad once made one truck out of two very broke trucks.
Dad made a truck out of a blue 1956 ford station wagon.
You get your heat from the furnace.
Dad cut wood most of his adult life.
I cut wood for 25 years.
My son Josh currently cuts wood.
Your sewer goes out a pipe n your done.
My dad dug his own septic system and repaired it as both my son n I do.
I've been covered in human shit a few times n I'm a guy who doesn't like shaking hands.
Let's just say serious procedures were followed to regain cleanliness and clothing was thrown away.
Irregardless of phobias a job needed doin so I did what I had to do.
The point is some folks make it through life without living in the harder side of it.
Living a harder life is not a choice for some of us.
The hard life requires the ability to do hard things n if you didn't or don't live on the harder side of life, please refrain from judging those who must.
I no longer judge my father, I have lived some of the life he did now.
Instead I forgive his shortcomings n focus on the good n that was his ability n willingness to work very hard for us.
My father accepted the burden of some pretty nasty jobs, things I've become familiar with as an adult.
My father was a good man with a very good work ethic.
I find I'm more like my father than I thought as a young man.
Love? But I definitely respect him.
In life he paid for his sins, I choose to only remember the good.
I believe in hard work.
Hard work cleanses the soul.
I've told you that in June I will be 65 n I want to retire.
Retire to me is that I go out at 10am every day, fire up the tractor n work till 7pm.
Not just the tractor though, repair fix n create as needs must.
Basically lead a real n useful life to those I love.
It's not good enough to realize you were wrong, a real man states it publicly to correct the record.
By the same token, if your not wrong, you stand your ground Pez Corporation.
Rudy dog would never forgive me if I wimped out, so Pez Corp we continue to the end.
As much as I'd like this to be over Pez Corp, I wouldn't respect myself if I let it go.
Until the last dog barks Pez Corp n the dirt is thrown on.
If need be I will fight what Pez Corp did by targeting n destroying my life to n with my very last breath. I will not yield on this.
15 years says my word on this is to be believed.
Sometimes even reluctantly, being a man means you fight when absolutely necessary.
Pez Corp, I will use the truth as my way of fighting.
Sorry for that, felt the need.
Going out to start the Tractor up.
After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
Pez Outlaw Diary