Wednesday, January 4, 2017

My Beard Took A Left #pezoutlaw #hollywood @pezoutlaw


My brain seems to have followed.
The real question is. Who put my Beard in charge of today's post?
Chicken n Egg dilemma. If my beard jumped off a bridge, would I? 
Separation anxiety n fear of heights aside, NO! 
I'm just saying, at times my beard has a mind of it's own. More later.
My beard n I have been together 45 years n rarely agree.
This entire post was not of my free will, my beard threatened me.
It's an ugly situation.Told my beard, I'll write it but then you're on your own.
It's a Hell of a thing. 

The Duality of Beardyness
The left side of my beard is feeling kinda straight today.
The right side of my beard is having none of that n feelin real curly.
I guess my brain isn't the only schizophrenic part of my head.

I hope that helps. 
Perspective is everything. 
Things must be looked at in context.


Commie Pinko, Hitler Baby, Crack Weasel and Zombie Rabbit are all Asylum Favorites. 
I really wish that I was clever enough to write a story using all four characters together on one adventure. 
Truth be told even if I did it probably would only amuse me. 
Kinda like Alien vs Predator or Godzilla vs Mothra.
Reference was just an excuse to insert photo.

If any of you clever folk out there like on cartoon network wanna take a shot at a cartoon featuring Commie Pinko, Hitler Baby, Crack Weasel and Zombie Rabbit, I'm cheap n easy to deal with.

I can be bought for a few thousand bucks + residuals n 2% of the action. 

Crazy thing is, I have an agent out in Hollywood that you can contact if interested. There names escape me but Jeff knows who they are.

Imagine what the Poster for Commie Pinko, Hitler Baby, Crack Weasel and Zombie Rabbit might look like?

What do you think? Would a cartoon based on the adventures of Commie Pinko, Hitler Baby, Crack Weasel and Zombie Rabbit be out of the norm or fit right in.

To the haters that think a character called Hitler Baby is offensive. 
IT'S A JOKE FOR CHRIST SAKES! 
Also, I did not conceive of or create Hitler Baby, the press did by asking Republicans if they'd Kill Hitler Baby.
The absurdity of the question tickled me.
You know like those mean old conservatives chasing n hunting down Hitler Baby trying to kill him.
Hitler Baby hiding around corners, always on the lamb.

Weird n dark I agree, but like I said, I did not start it, I just saw the stupidity.

recieved the following tweet.
Tweet- Can you help do a shift for the annual Tu Bi'shevat Telethon either 10-1 or 1-4 shifts
my reply- If you misconstrued my love of absurdity for anything but total support of Israel my apologies.
My thoughts- confusion, I thought the joke was clear.
It is possible to support Israel and to think going back in time to Kill Baby Hitler is an absurd question to ask someone.
Then again maybe they got the joke n I'm being sensitive? 
If the question was sincere, you do know that I'm a hermit. 

Oh Yeah n there's this, you do understand that the source of these posts is a Mental Institution as per blog name.

Go Left.
To the point n not related to anything stated previously in this post.
Bed head vs Beard Head.
Somehow blankets n pillows have the same effect on a beard as getting a permanent.
When your beard is rather long this can result n often does in a sharp left like a bent arm.
Just on the weird list n very annoying.
It's a better title than story.


Kathy just taught me something.
I've never got the whole 's thing.
Always get it wrong she said because it belongs to. OK, that I understand.

By the way. This post has received 300 views in 4hrs, my grade is a B.
500 would be an A.
Billy Dog is goin sideways, gotta go. 

All in All, I'm kinda pleased with myself today. 
That's saying a lot, because our weather is severe today.
Just spent 3hrs in snow, gusting wind, 17 degrees. 
Headed back out. 1 more hour. 
I like to be out in the weather long enough to appreciate what the horses are dealing with. 
Handed out extra sweet hay again today, the horses appreciate it a lot. 

Hands Up or The Beard Gets It

wanted a pic. made this in Art Therapy
That'll get you a spot at Happy Horse Asylum, easy peasy.

Quiz, which 2 words in previous sentence are ...

Yesterdays post My Beard Took A Left #pezoutlaw #hollywood @pezoutlaw got a B in 4hrs, but went on to earn an A+ within 24hrs of post with over 500 views.
Not bad for a guy doin time in Happy Horse Asylum.

Yes I am a resident of Happy Horse Asylum, a mental institution for the rest n recuperation of damaged souls.
It's not so bad here, to pass some of the time we started a news letter called The Daily Straitjacket.
You might have seen the 2 issues that we smuggle out in the laundry.

In group therapy sessions my beard n I have been going at each other for 6 months now.
Quite the brouhaha. I think marriage counseling would serve our conflict better.
My biggest problem with my beard is he's such an arrogant bastard.
Everything is about the beard.

I got so mad at my beard 2 weeks ago that I cut 4 inches off.

Well that didn't go down well. 
Neither did the stream of beard short jokes that followed.

My main form of therapy besides writing here at Happy Horse Asylum is caring for the horses.
In the real world a feller that talks to horses n dogs gets the eye, round here it's not all that unusual.
The weather has been kinda cold n windy but we're all doing well.

The Old Man (horse) is looking really good for 36, that's like 100 in people years.
He n Johnny (horse) give me a real hard time when I haul the hay around at feeding time.
Johnny n the Old Man yank bales off the tractor like big ole farm boys n just toss them.
Not to mention the scrum at the front of the tractor, where the action is.

I gotta tell ya, it just doesn't seem like I have as much time to do things as I used to.
Yes 18 horses as opposed to 12-14 takes more time.
Though I think the real problem is that I'm movin around slower now.
I use old man walk to rest while doing stuff, so stuff naturally takes longer.
Some old guys just keep ramming around, then they fall over.
To me pace is everything. I can still do the things I used to, but pace will determine how long I get to do it.

Horse Poo Projects, The Department of HPP.
HPP continues, snow n cold weather don't stop the flow.
It comes so I move it.
Thank God for my new snow chains I bought on ebay.
I only put chains on the front tires, but with 4 wheel drive it's all I really need.
So far the tractor has conquered all.
Which by the way is great because I use the tractor a lot to increase my capabilities n endurance.

I can't wait to plant the new Wild Flower patches, the beds are all prepped.
Josh brought over a big sack of Sun Flower seeds, will make a very nice addition.
I guess that's what you do in winter, look forward to spring.

Everybody is going lotto nuts.
Kathy is in 2 groups buying tickets.
I'm probably the only person on planet earth that hopes she does not win.
1.5 Billion is just to much money.
One tenth of 1.5 billion is to much money, life would become to complicated.
I could handle 2 to 5 million but 1.5 billion, that's just stupid. 
There should be a Lotto rule that each increment of 100 million n the lotto splits.
200 million is 2 drawings that nigt of 100 million each.
1.5 billion is 15 drawings in one night for 100 million each.
1.5 billion in one pot is just stupid.
 


Why Not?

Just measured the length of my beard. 
12 inches from my chin.

Not important in the slightest.
Just that it's the longest my Beard has ever been

I've had a beard since 1970.
When I worked in the shop it never got longer than about 3 inches, because if it did it would always get singed off from the heat of welding or a cutting torch.

It's farrier day which means Henry (Amish) is here to trim the horse's hooves.
Henry is the best, so I guess you could say I have an Amish friend.
Seems like every few years Henry gets a new apprentice from the Amish community.
Did you know that if your a young Amish man you are not allowed to grow a beard unless you are married.
The young man Henry has right now is unmarried.
I asked him when he was getting married. He said at one point that he wasn't sure he was going to marry.
I told him that I'd get married just so I could grow a beard.

I warned Henry a while back that if things keep going like they are he n his community might become real popular.

I will end this vacuous post with the following.
I have no immediate plans to trim my beard.
Think about it.
If unnamed people actually make the movie wouldn't I make a more interesting old coot to do PR on behalf of Pez Outlaw with a beard down to there.


After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.






 

Pez Outlaw Diary

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