Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Hollywood Hamster #pezoutlaw #hollywood @pezoutlaw

Please click adverts on my posts. otherwise I don't get paid. clicks are down.  

Hamster On A Wheel 

I have always felt driven to find my voice.
Through that voice possibly who I am.
Somehow Find the answers that have eluded me.

In my life I've ricochet from one thing to another.
One dream persisted, a book.
Funny idea for a guy who never read a whole book till he was 30.

Some kind of dyslectic? A.D.D. ?
I don't know, just couldn't focus long enough to finish a paragraph.
I mean I could read a page but at the end I had no Idea what I'd read.
My mind just could not settle down enough to read it n retain it.

It took years of tedious work building bridges, connections from one side of my brain to the other side.

The change came in the 1990s when I was in my 40s.
The Pez trips gave me a sense of peace.
I read 2 to 3 books per trip.

With the crush that followed the collapse of my Pez World,
I found my voice in the pain n depression.
I began writing Pez Outlaw Diary as therapy.
I understand that as a book it's messed up. 
That might be because it's raw emotion n the struggle again to find my voice.
I've always felt that a good editor could sort out Pez Outlaw Diary for publication.

I needed Pez Outlaw Diary to clear my head. 
Writing Pez Outlaw Diary gave me the confidence I needed to move on
Walking away from Pez Outlaw Diary was only possible by creating Notes from the Asylum.
I needed to continue sorting things out in a new setting. 

Notes From The Asylum leaves the pain of Pez Outlaw Diary behind, But continues the search for who I truly am.
I've been an Alcoholic, a Drug abuser, an obsessive collector, a farmer, a shop worker n a very angry person.
Most people fear a statement like that one, for me it is what it is.
I'm evolving, what's behind me is my past, required steps in the journey.
Each day is it's own, a new chance to do better.

In Notes from the Asylum I try to understand what was under all of it.
Was it all a part of my quest to find my voice?
Obviously everything led me to here.

A Pez Outlaw Book will probably happen in the next 2 years.
I'm starting to understand though that Pez Outlaw is not the voice I've been searching for.
Pez Outlaw is his own voice, the voice of a decade of my life.
The Pez Outlaw book is a required step on my journey.
Notes from The Asylum is the voice of my entire life.
I'm beginning to believe Notes From The Asylum is the voice I've been searching a lifetime for.

My secret ambition has always been to leave a book behind when my time is up.
Now it's to leave at least 2 books behind, Pez Outlaw by Jeff n myself.
Plus Notes from The Asylum.
The odds improve every day that both might happen.

I believe that the irony would be clear.
A guy that had a hard time reading n understanding a book for half his life wrote 2 books.

I'm not interested in a quick fix.
I don't want anything that would invalidate my struggle. 
My goal is to complete my journey. 

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence

Pez Outlaw Diary

No comments:

Post a Comment