Saturday, December 31, 2016

Fragged #pezoutlaw #hollywood

Shifting Sands

Your perception of life around you minutely changes every day.
The reason for this is that you change a little bit every day.
Each new day is affected by your interpretation of the previous.

These changes are easier to see year to year than day to day.
For me though with my ever shifting perspective day to day is like yr - yr.
My brain/mood can do a 180 overnight giving me a completely different perspective.

I'm not proud of this, I just accept it.
The result is that I try very hard not to make decisions base on any one day.
I try very hard to observe a 24-72hr rule before acting on anything.

 re image
Don't you just hate it when you get up in the morning look in the mirror n this is what you see.

Pez Outlaw
Days of Fragmentation 

Touching reality for verification
Wondering how much is real 
Hoping for a way back


Live day to day
Was today a good day
That's enough

Release control
Understand, be patient
Don't add to the problem

This is about so many things.
Enough, I'm going somewhere else.


My entire life has been one long trip down a rabbit hole.
I'm hoping the end is near.

There is no end game here at the Asylum only reflection.
By itself a contradiction as I avoid mirrors.

After writing about being a Catatonic in a Mental Institution, creating and living in this world for my amusement.
I explained to Kathy, I just like to take a thought n play it out.

I've also referred to the Asylum posts as wandering around in the darkened cavern of my brain, picking up scraps of thoughts n seeing where they go.
Notes From the Asylum is a self reflective exercise, nothing in good taste is off limits.
I really enjoy sharing perspective.
I enjoy a good story.
I like to create from nothing n see where it goes.

Yes, Notes From The Asylum has a lot to do with the person of Pez Outlaw.
It's just a thought, but I would think that the script writer would find the Asylum a rich resource as to the mind behind the adventure that became Pez Outlaw.

You know like say I'm an actor cast to play the part of Pez Outlaw.
I go to the director n say, hey coach what's my motivation, what makes this guy tick?
Well there you go, all the director has to do is give the actor a homework assignment of reading Notes From The Asylum.

The Asylum gives any wood-be actor playing Pez Outlaw insight as to the mind of Pez Outlaw.
Like that whole decade long journey of Pez Outlaw was a very weird undertaking, Why wasn't it viewed as weird even to him?
Voila, Notes From The Asylum, for insight.

I believe n hope that parts of the following are no longer true.

I have almost 15,000 hours into the Pez Outlaw project. 
At least 4 hrs per day for over 10 years, actually writing Pez Outlaw Diary, blogging about it n now Notes From The Asylum.

Yet on at least 6 occasions I believe I have tried to sabotage it.
It's easier to fail than to succeed.
It's easier to do a known than enter an unknown.
It's easier to fight than to win. Maybe I don't know how to handle victory, but I love the fight.
Maybe I don't think I deserve to win.
I have major trust issues.
Pez Outlaw Diary is my baby, possessive.
Finally if you ever allow a decades work to make it to the point where it's judged, you might fail. A part of you would prefer not to ever know that answer.

In short, sorry.
I'm trying real hard.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence

Pez Outlaw Diary

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