Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Narcissism, Evolution, Legacy. #pezoutlaw #hollywood @pezoutlaw

On a couple of my posts here I've told you how I live in two worlds. 
Writing in Notes from the Asylum is honing of a skill or picking at a scab.
I'd like to make another attempt and see if I can get it right. 

For over a decade now I've needed to be an unashamed narcissist. 
Paying attention to only what I'm doing. 
A type of tunnel vision on my goal.

Since I started writing in Notes From The Asylum I've been able to confine this narcissism to only my mornings, 10am to 2pm. 
1998 to approx 2010 while I wrote Pez Outlaw Diary, it was all consuming.
Somewhere between 2010 n when I met Jeff Maysh in October of 2014 I started cooling down.

Always puzzles me when people are put off when they discover crazy, yet what drew them to me n the story was about is crazy.
I'm shocked, shocked I tell ya, that he's crazy.

A year ago I created Notes From The Asylum so that I'd quit picking at the scab that is Pez Outlaw Diary anymore.
I realized that I had a lot more to say but that it did not belong in Pez Outlaw Diary.
After working/talking to Jeff Maysh for 10 months with him playing the part of my Rabi, the person I could confide in, I created Notes From The Asylum as an alternative outlet for me emotionally.

I can only imagine what Jeff n others think of Notes From The Asylum, but the truth is that I have helped myself get better in the Asylum.
I have achieved more movement forward in my year with the Asylum than I did in a decade with Pez Outlaw Diary.

I realize I could not be here in the Asylum without my decade of writing in Pez Outlaw Diary but in the Asylum I'm not bound by one topic.
Pez Outlaw Diary by it's nature was confined to Pez, what I and Pez corporation did.
Notes From The Asylum allows me to go anywhere, to move on.

Pez Outlaw Diary required a 24/7/365 Narcissist.
Notes From The Asylum is part time 10am to 2pm.
I can and do now move on each day after 2pm to my other life.

Five+ years ago another factor entered Kathy n my life, that I'm never allowed to share.
Because of this I've moved toward Kathy's world to be of whatever use I can be.
Eb (Green Acres) was born.

This also changed me, it helped me pull out of the Pez Outlaw tunnel vision and to a better me.
A true partner for Kathy. To become the person my mother n Kathy always had faith was there.
I'm allowed to self indulge my demons for 4 hours each day, then because of that gift I am ready each day to emerge n be somebody else.

I want to see Pez Outlaw's story fulfilled, but after that I think I'm getting to the point where I will be ready to move on.
I just need on a personal level to wrap Pez Outlaw's story up in a nice little bow.
I need and now want to do this not only for myself but for my family.
I'd like to leave Pez Outlaw behind for my family, something they can be proud of.

Another change has also happened besides becoming more at peace as a person, something I never knew in the first 60 years of my life.
That is that I kinda know when something I wrote is any good. I like this one.
In Pez Outlaw Diary I wrote out of anger. 
In Notes From The Asylum, I write because I enjoy it and I find it fulfilling to express my thoughts. 

I guess the Narcissist isn't completely gone, Because I know that this post is one of the better ones. Truth be told, if you don't believe in yourself, how do you figure anybody else is gonna. 

It's a tricky line to walk, Narcissist vs a person others actually like.
Luckily I'm only a narcissist from 10am to 2pm?
Then hopefully I transform into........ ME. 

Swear to God, I've got so many isms/crazy going on up there that a feller could write a book.
Nope, wait...... I did. 

In the end I believe I will be asked. Why do you think the Pez Outlaw story caught on, basically what's the reason you succeeded out of everyone who tries? Because I was relentless, I gave 100% effort. 

Here's how outa touch I am. I had to ask, Are these real?
I hear that they are. Tina Christison Gunsauls is sending me a set.
I now have a Pez collection. Scooby n the gang. plus my Pez Outlaw Truck.

Scooby n Shaggy are my all time favorite classic cartoon characters.

I guess I have no idea what's been happening in Pez for the last 10 years. You know life n stuff, oh yeah n obsessing. A lot of that.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence

Pez Outlaw Diary

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