Tuesday, August 18, 2015

chatterbox #pezoutlaw #hollywood #timetraveler @pezoutlaw

I just passed 68,000 tweets on twitter.

Here I am this morning thinking that I've become kinda Stoic.
A person of few words.
Along comes Kathy with truth.
Are you kidding, you talk a lot.

Shows ta go ya.
Your impression of who you are can be ridiculously wrong.
So I'm a chatterbox.
Now I gotta get used to that.

I know I empty my mind here.
In direct contrast when I run the films.
I see a yup, nope, ain't that somethin guy.
Coulda knocked me over with a feather.

Honestly though, it does not bother me.
My impression of who I am is the face I present to the world.
I don't feel your self image has to be accurate.
You just have to like it. 

If I wanted accuracy I'd look in a mirror.
I do not, I avoid mirrors.
Why mess with the beauty n perfection my mind has created.
Reality is poorly written n not all it's cracked up to be.

A good example.
Kathy lies to me, she only tells me what I need to hear.
At that sometimes minutes before I need to hear it.
It's the way I like it.

My brother once told me, you know she's lying to you.
Really pissed me off at him.
You fool, Kathy is the keeper of truth.
Do you think for a minute this isn't at my request.

I don't care much for reality.
Yes I watch the "News", but it's just a TV show.
Yes I like Wynonna Earp – Show | Syfy , Zombies are funny. 
I just don't look in mirrors n truth is Fungible.

We meander about through my mind daily.
In contrast I'm a very private person.
What I do here seems outside reality.
No idea how to explain that.

Somehow I feel that what I do here is private.
That all of you are observers yet not intruders into my life.
I share the crazy for fun.
Out of a need to expel thought.

Real people, no thanks.
The internet though was made for me.
Casual n non interactive if you prefer.
One or two line responses, only if n when you choose.

A poor analogy is, writing for me is like taking the trash out.
I enjoy the process, writing allows me an outlet for my creative side.
When I write I have an endless supply of crayons n paper.
What more could a guy want.

I love the follows n views.
They allow me to know when I got a thought right.
I suppose I do strive to get the words right.
I don't live n die for it but it does help pass the time n give a sense of purpose.

I say that I'm in the asylum.
Which for me is a very frustrating waiting room.
I write to help pass the time.
I wait for word of my release from 15 years purgatory.

I teeter on the edge of sanity every moment of every day.
Some days I lose, mostly though I keep it at 51% sane.
Recently I wrote about going back to 98 n changing this.
Dreams that sooth.

That said my writing I hope gives merit to the struggle. 
Pez Outlaw makes 1998 have value.
Notes from the Asylum I hope gives the last 15 years value.
If something good comes from these things then, just maybe it was worth it.

I'm a scab picker.
I just keep picking at it.
Hoping to find truth.
Failing that, peace of mind.

This is a journey.
One that I've decided to share.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence

Pez Outlaw Diary