Friday, May 15, 2015

To My Father #pezoutlaw #gofundmepezoutlaw

I've been thinking a lot about my father lately and how my family viewed him.
I don't know the facts as well as I should but I'll come as close as I can.

My father was born in the northern lower peninsula of Michigan in 1931 to my best guess.
That means he spent his childhood in the midst of the great depression.
The fact that Farwell Michigan back then was poor to begin with made life for him double difficult.

My father was born into a family of 7 or 8 children.
His father, my grandfather according to family history was 1/2 American Indian.
His mother died when he was 10-12 years old n his father became the town drunk very soon after that.
The children scattered, 1 to Canada to live with aunts, to the state n my father found shelter at 12 working on a farm.
His oldest sister Helen married as soon as she could to provide a home for as many of the children as she could.

By the end of WW2 my father was 14yrs old, somewhere between then n when he became a factory worker at Fisher Body in Lansing Michigan he served in the Coast Guard.
To me his life up to that point was pretty damn amazing life to have survived.

After finding work at Fisher Body my father met my mother, a Lansing girl.
I say it that way because my father was a Hill-Billy for lack of a better term with an education that ended at about the age of 12 n he had won the lottery by soon marrying a pretty city girl.
Don't think for a minute that her family thought much of him because they did not.

Once married my mother gave my father 5 sons of which I'm the second oldest.
After the childhood my father somehow managed to survive, this believe it or not is when my his life got complicated.

I believe now looking back at the behavior my father exhibited that he had the same shit going on in his brain that I do.
My Grandfather - Town Drunk who died from Alcoholism.
Three of the boys including my father plus one of his sisters, all Alcoholics.
My father got drunk ussually on wine every friday n saturday from the time I was about 12.
I believe my fathers Alcoholism was a direct result of him just trying to be happy.

Let's start with me, in 1969 I was diagnosed by a Navy Doctor as Schizophrenic with Masochistic tendencies.
Back in 69 that's what they called it, today I'd be labeled Bipolar, obsessive compulsive with dyslexia.
By the age of 19 I was an alcoholic n drug addict, like my father n my ancestors I was just trying to find happiness.
High Highs n low lows, for the next 25yrs I was like a yo-yo.
I didn't understand my illness like I do today.

Characteristics I now see that I shared with my father n to some extent my mother also are many.
My father loved creating crazy things, 2 into 1 was his favorite.
2 trucks make 1 truck n a fixation on lawn mowers, mine is plastic barrels.
He also once turned a 1956-58 ford station wagon into a truck by cutting it in half.
This trait that I share with him was so pronounced that it was a big part of his eulogy after his death from Alzheimer's.

It has taken most of my life to realize that I won't ever understand being happy like you do.
If I find myself happy I become filled with the dreadful knowledge that very soon I will be very depressed.
Happy to me is something you all get, my goal is steady in the middle, not happy n not depressed.
I call it 51/49, one bump over the line.

To put it mildly, my father is not well thought of by most of my brothers n family.
I believe that this is a huge lack of understanding for the life he lived n I believe the mental problems that he was trying to deal with in a time that didn't understand them.
Hell, in my lifetime alone these things are just starting to be understood.

My father n his family turned to a lifetime of alcohol like I once did.
It's the only thing they knew to try n find peace.
At 20yrs old I started a 25yr journey to sort myself out without alcohol or doctors.

So far so good.

ps to the young folk that might read this.
Psychedelics, LSD n Magic Mushrooms are not the answer for people with mental issues.
The last thing a trouble mind needs is to be screwed with by mind altering drugs, trust me I tried it a lot. It only made my journey longer.




After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence





Pez Outlaw Diary

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

To Be 67 @ 5 #gofundmepezoutlaw #pezoutlaw

A thought experiment.
OK, on this one I'm not quite sure what I'm doing, meaning I'm unsure of it's true purpose.

Scientist are beginning to believe in the Multiverse to explain the theory of everything.
Sold, I really like the idea of Parallel Universes.
I've heard it explained as being similar to a mountain of bubbles, each being another reality.
In each every possibility scenario from the beginning plays out.
To be honest I don't just like this theory, I'm sorta in love with it.

I also believe that its possible that there are specific places in each reality where the divide is very thin n that it might be possible to go between realities.
I also believe that in 1996 I found one of these points in our world where that very divide is thin.
In My travels around the world I found one spot, the third floor of the Raba Hotel in Hungary where I experience some very odd out of body experiences, Like astral projection.
In this room on many occasions I had out of body experiences like floating above myself n watching my body unable to move.
My conscious mind/spirit also shot like a rocket into outer space but only once.

The purpose of this post is to propose that I went back to the third floor of the Raba Hotel in Hungary at 67 n crossed over to another reality that I also exist in.
That is, my conscious mind crosses over n I join myself in this other reality at the age of 5 years old.
Meaning that in this alternate reality I'm a child of 5 with the mind of a 67 year old man.

That's the premise. 
OK, then what? What do you Do different?
Well, a hell of a lot, but quietly.
For one thing I'd probably be a pretty smart 5yr old, but I wouldn't share the truth with anyone until I met Kathy at the proper time when I was 19.
Kathy asked me, would you drink or do drugs, again Hell no, already did in this reality.
No, I'd go bout things very quietly for about 15yrs waiting for after I met Kathy.

Being that I'd be traveling to an alternate reality/Parallel Universes it negates the whole thing n rules of time travel.
Like don't alter anything n if you killed your grandfather you'd cease to exist.
Parallel Universes are by nature an alternate reality, similar yet some things are meant to play out different, so no harm n no foul. 

The only thing I'd do is collect cereal boxes from my childhood because they were all so perishable.
Other things like Pez had key points to exploit at pennies, 1988-89 for pez.
I'd start my travels then instead of waiting till 1994.
Investing in a small way until then to prepare, Burkshure Hathaway/Buffet n Microsoft etc.
I'd graduate High School early then work as a carpenters assistant for money until the timing matched the move.

I wouldn't go to college, kinda pointless if you already know how things are gonna play out.
I would not go into the shop, ya know, skip the asbestos exposure.
No I'd just find work with my hands for walking around money n seed money to invest when the time was right.
Richy Rich would not be my goal, just enough money not to worry about money.

This whole scenario is a recurring thought experiment, that I can't seem to shake.
I pick the idea up in my mind n play with it quite often to entertain myself.
I've often thought it would make a good book n movie.

Kinda Fun, Don't ya think?


It's your World now, I've retreated to my Fantasy World.
I no longer have any use for reality.

It always surprises me when I find out who people really are.
Not that it matters, but you do think "Oh, Really!"

GoFundMe page in an attempt to raise Bridge Funding until that day.
https://www.gofundme.com/gofundmepezoutlaw 
new profile pic captures my essence


see

Pez Outlaw Diary
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