Friday, May 26, 2017

2Crazy 4Hollywood/The Happy Lie #pezoutlaw #hollywood



2 Crazy 4 Hollywood

Gather insight. 
Get to what matters.
A life worth writing about.

Pricing the heart.
Renowned, some say expert.
l joined too late.

Fix the machine.
Relax & enjoy the trip.
Connect to the future.

Eat obscurityً, morn it's loss.  
Don't fear embarrassment.
Be Self-proclaimed.

The Happy Lie

Hold your thoughts close
The point isn't frustration
Scared of what you want

The Truth
Hang on I'll get that for ya
The eternal wait

Is it just an illusion
A moment in eternity
Light or Darkness

Choose the dream
Scorn the reality
What remains

Walking among Aliens
Understanding nothing
Caring even less

One day you wake to happiness
That doesn't change the misery of the day before
All is forgiven, The Happy Lie came true

The one thing that causes me pause about my own sanity is my unbelievable optimism in Pez Outlaw.

WARNING!
Be very careful talking with your hands when your eyes are closed, no telling what you'll run into. 


Edumacated


Urban Dictionary: Edicate

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Edicate
Edicate is when you're not edumacated enough to spell etiquette!

I'd like to let you in on a secret.
When writing here in Notes From The Asylum I google words all the time.
Before I started writing in NFTA I was a spoken word kinda guy.
I used all sorts of words in conversation.

It's one thing to use words talking n generally know the usage of a word.
When you start writing you gotta spell that shit n you dam sure better use it correctly.
So I look em up.

I used the reference above as my perfect illustration of that point because it was spot on.
I did try to use Etiquette by spelling it Edicate.
I found the search information delightfully humorous.
So much so that I built this post around it.

Did you notice I said built not wrote.
Kinda interesting slip, huh.

Does that mean I actually look at writing like Building n words are tools?

Like one of my many heroes Groucho Marx I'm a self educated 65yr old man who tries to never stop learning.
At age 43 I doubt I'd ever read a whole book due to dyslexia.
By the age of 52 I'd read several hundred books.
At age 52 I'd never really written anything.
Now at age 65 I've written Pez Outlaw Diary albeit poorly n Notes From The Asylum, much better.

During my decade as Pez Outlaw I was computer illiterate.
Now I do everything on the computer.
Change, learn n improve.
Not bad for a guy who in High School was in the slow kids class (Dyslexia, wasn't understood back then).





After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.






 

Pez Outlaw Diary

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Secrets #pezoutlaw #hollywood #NFTA

Pez Outlaw
My grandson wants my life n I want my dog Proby's life.


Revealing truth is liberating.
Withholding truth makes you vulnerable.
Secrets are a cancer on your soul.
Yet life is filled with secrets.

You can't live without relationships.
Though the maintenance is set with Booby-traps.
One wrong step n that spiky thing comes at you.
When did it get so complicated.

You'd think honesty would protect you.
Some days I get wore out from careful conversation. 
The truth is, you can't be honest with people.
Total honesty repels people. 

I just apologized to a friend for saying what's on my mind.
I wish it was the first time.
I told him that I seem to have a talent for making people not want to talk to me.
Just an observation, how much it matters I'm uncertain of.

So you hold your thoughts close.
Until that one person who gets you, Joshua my son says something.
N you almost scream in response, Yeah!
The response is almost a cry of relief.

Then Joshua says something else n again halfway though you shout, YEAH!
Thinking all the while, Why don't others seem to see it.
Then Josh says people are telling him he's becoming more like me by the day.
It was inevitable, I am my father, Joshua is me n Danny or Jake will be Joshua.

So what's the point?
There is none, just frustration.
People say they want the truth or an honest answer, but they really don't.
They want to hear whatever version makes them feel OK with themselves.

Problem is that I usually know what I want and what I think.
Where I get in trouble is when I share it.
Are there rules I don't know how to follow?
Is this written down somewhere?

I've met people who look scared at the thought of saying what they want.
N if you press them, it angers them, like I'm somehow not respecting the process.
I see this over n over and I still don't understand it.
I am willing to accept what I want, To some what they want is a process.

People say I get there to quick, n that I'm impatient.
The thing is that I know what I want n time is slipping away.
With Pez, What made me different?
Really simple. I saw something n I acted on it, while others thought about acting. 

I'm as puzzled today at almost 65 as I was a child of 5. 
I'm not delusional, I don't think that this is brilliant. 
I'm just purging. 
My imaginary shrink says I need to write things down.

It's like I told Josh, write it out straight, then make it abstract.
Because if you say it straight it offends people.
Keep it vague n people can interpret the meaning to there liking.
Truth can be liberating but it can also be cruel or unwanted.

That n I believe I push to hard.
For which I'm truly sorry.
But we know I won't change.
It's like the scorpion n the river, It's my nature.

I will say this though.
I may know what I think from given information.
Though I have no idea what that information will be.
Meaning, I have no idea what the future holds.

I know what I want but it's in the hands of those pesky relationships.
N Yup you guessed it, they don't want to talk to me.
A Feller could get a complex, were it not for ego. 
I'm OK, You're OK. Are we good?

I remain. 
Not a Damn clue. 
Yours.
Pez Outlaw.

Thank God, it's time for therapy.
Smiley Face, today we get Jello or is it Pudding?
See what I mean?

My imaginary Shrink says, It only matters if you pretend to know if it's pudding or Jello. 

The Title should have been Jello or Pudding. 
Should I change it?
I like my life, I do things the way I like.
Example is the 4 line verse I use here, just because I like it.

We went on a deep dive today.
Hopefully it was amusing. 

Of all the posts I've written in Notes From The Asylum, Big Fish n Secrets are my favorites.
 
After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence





Pez Outlaw Diary



 




Wednesday, May 24, 2017

4 good lines n a t shirt #pezoutlaw #hollywood

4 good lines n a t shirt

Ashes

Breath of the Reaper on your neck
A shiver of mortality

Fevered hands twist in the night
My first memory

I walk with the Reaper
Friend, guardian n reminder

The endless journey
Days become decades

Dreams sustain you
Reality, a thief in the night

Footstep on a beach
Faith washes away

Tired of conflict
Weary of vagueness


Was the beginning the only truth
Fear of being right

Belief in something you doubt
Ashes, Ashes, We all fall down

Well that took a turn.
Not at all what I expected.

The Reaper isn't just Death, he's also a ruthless editor of Notes From The Asylum.
Folded Ashes in.
********************************************

I'm a born again, washed in the blood, Bridge Burner.
I get fed up n I torch that Bastard.
We're speaking of bridges here, don't want it interpreted wrong.

Last Night's Dream
I was back in the shop working as a machinist, but for some reason I was not receiving a paycheck.
After 6 months of working n not being paid, I'd had enough n stopped performing for them.
I know you must think that I just make these dreams up to get a point across.
Hand to God, these dreams I tell you about are the dreams I had the night before.

The Reaper approaches n delights in years lost or wasted.
I'm always acutely aware of the sound of his footsteps.
I've been aware of my mortality since age 5.
Time lost is gone forever, so there is no way I'm going to sit back n put all my hopes n dreams in someone else's hands.





After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence





Pez Outlaw Diary


 




 

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Insanity is Only Perspective #pezoutlaw #hollywood

I'm not a big fan of Reality.I prefer the world in my head.
Each day the real world demands my presence, it always depresses me.

The difference between Crazy n Insane is Only Perspective.
This was made very clear to me yesterday.
My guess is that you've never gotten "The Look".

Yesterday while showing Kathy some things that I thought Quite Clever, I got the look.
Followed by "even Josh asked if everything is alright".
Then told, "you get to involved in an idea n following it, you need to step back'.

In short Kathy was saying, you've gone down the rabbit hole again.
Your search within is eluding people who see it.
Sometimes I get so involve with the creation of something that I can't see what I've created, objectively.

That's the rough part of the line between crazy n insane.
You think what your doing is genius,  Then you get that look.
N the terrible part is you can't see it.

That's why I bring up insane.
Being crazy is a delicate dance on the line between sanity n insanity.
You never notice when you cross that line.

It's all perspective.
I love the twisty digging deep of mental creation.
But I'm to close, I can't see what you are viewing.

Nor do I see what you bring to that viewing as your perspective on my work.
For that matter, I also don't see the obvious insights that some of my creations give you about where my head is at, at the moment.
It's right there obvious as hell, but I'm to busy working on the details to notice.

So I get the look.
Trust me, I don't enjoy getting it.
I thought I was doing great.

The difference between insane n genius is also a fine line.
You are a genius when people accept n understand your thoughts as fresh n unique.
You are insane when those same people do not understand your thoughts n reject them as outside the norm.

Truthfully, none of this really bothers me.
Then again an insane person thinks he's a genius.
In the end we are all judged by our peers.

My good fortune is that since age 19 (47yrs now) I've had Kathy to help me navigate the line between crazy n insane.
She says, step back, you need to filter your thoughts more, I do it.
I enjoy what I do here, it helps me deal with a lot of things, but?

This all came up I believe because of the 2 following posts.
I'm going to share an image that I thought was really clever, but is precisely when I got the sternest look of disapproval I've ever gotten and "The Talk".
Yesterday n even today I can't see the problem, though I don't doubt that there is one.
So why share it? I think because it illustrate better than words what I'm talking about in this post.
I'm sure a year from now I'll be able to see what's wrong with the image, but right now all I see is the cleverness of the creation.

I said last night to Kathy, "maybe it does show where my head is at right now".
Kathy, in shocked expression. "YA THINK!
Nope, I missed it completely.

I bet you a dollar I get scolded again for sharing that image with you.
Then again, The title of this blog is Notes From The Asylum.
So you know................. 

In my defense.
I wonder what Edvard Munch, Edgar Allan Poe, Rod Serling or Stephen King's relatives n loved ones thought of there work.
Did they get the look n "The Talk"? 

by Edvard Munch
Granted, My work is like stick figures to actual Art.
Then again my work is modernistic/minimalist. 
I take what's around me n re-purpose it to express a thought.

I  can see the obvious once it's pointed out, but still try to make the case that it was not my point.

The bigger question.
Why do you do this, write these posts n share these things.
"Normal" people/thought would be, to personal, better to hide this side of yourself.
I don't know, I'm compelled, something inside me say that I should, that writing precisely these things is the right thing to do.

I believe that you instinctively are driven to do things that are where you need to go or what you must do n I trust these instincts.
Instinct was what drove me to become n execute the Pez Outlaw years, because of that when driven to do something, I do not fight it.

That n to be honest.
Posts in the Asylum that do best are when I dig deep.
With this provision.
The best posts are dig deep, but obscure the true meaning.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence





Pez Outlaw Diary





Thursday, May 18, 2017

Commie Pinko #pezoutlaw #hollywood @pezoutlaw

It seems an explanation is in order. 
Kathy says nobody understands my intent.
This post is meant in humor, it's meant as a display of lunacy. 

Forgive me, I think it's ridiculously funny.
And I'm still getting stares, OK Dark humor then.
This was my childhood.

We actually did the "Duck n Cover Drills".
People actually had fallout shelters when I was a child.
This is not a political statement.

I don't do politics, There Big Boys n Girls, they can handle there own shit.
If they can't, then they have no business being there.
I'm not going to lose family or friends fighting for them.

Stop The Presses though for a good Commie Pinko Red Scare.
My childhood demands I stop my life, my dreams n my goals n get on board.
Plus it's FUN.

I have always loved the slur, Commie Pinko. Nothing is more fun than calling a friend a Commie Pinko for some very small disagreement or indiscretion.
It just cracks me up. 


Had it not been for Americas favorite Knucklehead Wildman Joe McCarthy we would not have this affectionate moniker for a dear friend who has strayed.


That's it. Short n sweet.
Purity in brevity. 


Oh yeah, sorry almost forgot.
I want to apologize to any Commie Pinko's my remarks might have offended.
Commie Pinko's are kinda touchy bout that name. OOPs did it again. Sorry, sorry.

Where's Waldo?


My childhood, Readers Digest version.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence





Pez Outlaw Diary


Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Hollywood or Bust #pezoutlaw #hollywood

After several rewrites, let's try this version.
Think, connect the imagery
She whispered "Kolinska"
Cab driver leads the way
Smokestacks that tower over OZ

Just like ole Abbott n Costello
Next stop Hollywood
We'll find it after a while
Would my world change

My life is that of a low level worker
Like Eb from Green Acres
Pez Outlaw lived a decade worth viewing. 
I'm just a funny looking old man on a tractor.

Things can only affect you if you take them in.
I've seen folks get all wired tight
Start thinking that they are a deal
It does not end well.

Pez Outlaw is the repository
After 15 years I'm the caretaker
Pez Outlaw flew high
I have been humbled.

I can help
But I will never read it
I just can't look in Mirrors
I can't deal with the me you perceive.

I've learned how things must go
The road to who I am was difficult
I do not mess with that
Stay on the path  


If Hollywood says yes
I will not talk on a telephone
No meals, except what Kathy hands me
Handshaking, gloves would be nice

If Hollywood makes a Pez Outlaw Movie
It would be an honor
Would that make me Happy
I've been working almost 2 decades

Satisfaction, recognition, Validation
That's why I hope it happens 
A lifetime of work 
I believe I'd find closure.

A Pez Outlaw Book
A Pez Outlaw Movie
That's "everything you dreamed of"
I've never been vague about it

Fame was never the dream
I've known what my true goals are from the beginning
Raising awareness of the Pez Outlaw story
Enjoying, Notes From The Asylum.

Vindication in my belief that I could do it.
That when I was down to zero $$$$.
I realized that I still had my mind.
Vindication in myself and my belief in myself.

Somehow I don't doubt the outcome
The problem is the pain of the journey
I can almost feel the joy of release
Somethings up, I can smell it

Life is TV for some of us

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence





Pez Outlaw Diary


 



Sunday, May 14, 2017

Big Fish Mystery #pezoutlaw #hollywood #NFTA






Case File 19. 


13 years ago I was in Paris.
No idea what the future held.
Do I really want to know?

Shadows fall.
How do I fit my dreams into this reality?
The Absurdity of life is intoxicating.

Don't tell people what you know is true.
Wear the face people expect to see. 
Mustn't appear different.

I keep going back to 51% Sane.
Are you ready for what's coming?
Maybe I wasn't

Bones in the crawl space? 
If not for crazy, reality would kill me. 
The shame of Time lost.

The cycle repeats.
My Angel is gone. 
Maybe Today.

Nothing is fixed.
Neglected past, unrecognized present.
Fantasy the last refuge.

The tears of a child for his future.
A window from that moment to this?
Is it yet to come?

I can't control how others see me.
That's their truth.
Crazy would be to try.


I came here expecting nothing.
Truth revealed itself.
Shame fell away.

A liberating truth.
Labels became assets.
Clarity, before darkness claims it's own.

WINNER n Still Champion, Big Fish, 5,700 views.
4 posts in Notes From The Asylum have well over 4,000 views each.

NFTA currently is at 445,000 views overall. 
My twitter page has had approx 5million impressions.


*******************************

"Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night" by Dylan Thomas


I like to think of life like the the stars in the sky.
Each star is a moment in time or a thought.
With NFTA I try to pluck some of those moments to create a stream of thought.

I understand that abstract thought is not every-bodies cup of tea.
Those that don't get or like it, don't.
Those that do, I treasure.

Life is just the agreed upon version of crazy.
My search is connect the unconnected dot that we usually can't see.
Big Fish was a gift, that I'm very grateful for.

The title always comes first.
The words fall down underneath it.
The Universe in all its forms will speak to you if you are listening.

I have no use for the past n little for the present.
My interest is the moments in between.
Moments of clarity, a brief conversation with the unseen.

Reality is tedious, but moments of clarity are delicious.
I live each day in the hope of those brief moments.
I don't get them every day or even once a week, but often enough that I wait for each one.

That's why I'm so grateful for Big Fish.
The title is the key that unlocks the door.
Within is that which feeds my soul. 

Abstract thought is like dancing between raindrops n not getting wet.
The raindrops of the past, the present n the future.
What I want can only be found between the drops of rain.


*******************************

I really like Big Fish Mystery.
In my attempts to create abstraction with words, to date it's my best.
I really hope that you agree. 

Big Fish is now at over 5,000 views n at the top of my A-List. 
When you love something it feels really good to see approval. 

? some perspective might shed light.
I have cut approx 300 of the 520 posts I've written.
It used to be I cut a post if it only achieved 250 views in say 4 months.
Now posts with 500+ views get cut, I only want the best on Notes From The Asylum.
Very soon that bar will be any post with less than 1,000 views will get cut from NFTA.
Number of views are like ratings here at the Asylum, just like TV low ratings get cut.

Notes From The Asylum is just under 2yrs old.
It used to take 6months to a year for a post to hit 1,000 views.
Only 2 other posts have had this type of success out of the 500 posts I've written n the 194 that have survived on NFTA.
That said though over a dozen posts are now at over 2,000 views ea.
1 post is at over 4,000 views, 2020 ☑️ PEZ OUTLAW FOR PRESIDENT #pezoutlaw #holly...

Of all the things I've done in my life, I would find the most gratification in Notes From The Asylum being published. 
NFTA is creation n I love that most of all.

Within the next 2 months Notes From The Asylum will reach a very big milestone.
Unfortunately, to broadcast it might not be something I should share.

*****************************

To my knowledge Congress nor the President are going to pass a law giving Pez Outlaw success.

So Forgive me, I just feel if my life is gonna change, I gotta do it.
Various administrations come n they go, my destiny is up to me.
So Holidays etc, I continue to work. 

Other peoples good fortune is there's not mine.
I choose not to live through there success or failure.
To do so would diffuse my efforts. 

Congratulations n good luck but honestly it will not change my life.
Only my efforts can be mine or change my life.
That said we continue, I have daily goals that must be met. 

***************************************************


Today my mood like my Boots has a lot of mud on it.
Have you ever noticed how your mood reflects the weather?

Yesterday one of the gals had a really good day with her horse.
She was walking around on cloud 9 n didn't want the day to end.

It's all perspective isn't it.
I've been slogging around in 4 inches of mud for 4 days now, so my perspective is different.

It's all where you stand.
Nice hard ground n enclosed arena or out in the pens like me n the horses.

Of all the posts I've written in Notes From The Asylum, Big Fish n Secrets are my favorites. 

Totally off subject.
Recently I was made aware of a Blue Dog needing a home.
I just couldn't, I need a Big Red Dog.
Like Maggie Thatcher said, I'm getting Wobbly.
Big Red Dogs (Bull Mastiff's) are my Spirit Guides. 
Yes, I believe in that stuff with all my heart.
It's been to long.

Just dawned on me, maybe that's her name.
Maggie. 

When you ask to be friended or follow me, make sure it's what you really want, because I'm relentless in pursuit of my goals.






 

Pez Outlaw Diary